Welcome to the latest edition of The Onion Bag, your one-stop shop for weird and wonderful updates from world football.
Today, we kick off with news from Turf Moor, where Burnley's mascot Bertie the Bee was sent off for a cheeky prank on the linesman.
Next, we consider Michel Platini's plans to expand the World Cup Finals from 32 teams to 40. Is this good for the game, or simply a political power play from the Frenchman who is eyeing up Sepp Blatter's FIFA presidency?
Finally, we head to the US of A, where the New York Red Bulls are celebrating and D.C. United are commiserating over an unusually pitiful statistic.
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