I was reading the sports wire, which I do always when I am bored, and I came across something that made me laugh while inspiring me at the same time. It was just a short story about how Dan Lauzon, a MMA fighter from Brockton, was going to be fighting "Blah-Blah" (not his real name) in 2 weeks.

But what really caught my name was Lauzon's nickname. "The Upgrade", just for the record that rolls of the tongue as Dan "The Upgrade" Lauzon... c'mon! that is the worst sports nickname of all time, it doesn't instill any fear in the opponent and frankly is just terribly unimaginative, so I decided to make a list of great sports nicknames.

I want to mention that this list is meant to be interactive. I am not smart or old enough to remember every great nickname, but I do have a few that I would like to share and then I will open it up and share the floor for others to match or trump me.

Dominique "The Human Highlight Film" Wilkins:
This nickname found its legs after watching a young, small and skinny Wilkins throw down some of the most athletic dunks of the early 90s. Seriously, this makes the list not only because it is simple, yet unique, but because it is so apt.

Wilkins really was a highlight film early in his career. He is one of those basketball players who was really good relying on his ability to jump over everyone else on the floor.

If you are going to have that kind of nickname you better be a staple on YouTube, and if you type in Dominique Wilkins dunks, you will see some of the most ferocious and exciting dunks in all of basketball, truly a highlight film.

Pete "Pistol Pete" Maravich
I put this name of the list because I would like to think this originated when someone was thinking about an ode to the western movies or stereotypes that spawned from those movies.

Lawlessness, people who shot from the hip, drank heavily, and made love to loose women, in short did what ever they damn well please but they were also dangerous.

Pete Maravich fits that description, except he did it all on the basketball court. There were no rules or set plays or specific ideas on offense when Pete Maravich was on the floor. Watch "the Pistol" and you will see that Maravich was without a doubt one of the most flashy, independent, and improvising basketball players of all time.

That being said, he was also probably the most dangerous offensive player in the league then.

He could score from downtown, or beat you off the dribble. He most likely made love to loose women, but don't sleep while he was on the court because there was no one more entertaining.

Ted "The Splendid Splinter" Williams
The key to this nickname, what makes it flow so easily and sound so smooth on the ear is the alliteration, but it is also quite apt. Take a good look at a picture of Ted Williams and then try and guess his weight.

This man was way over 6 feet and weighed right about 200 pounds... does it look like he weighed that much. He truly does look like a splinter, a wiry, long baseball player.

He was also quite splendid.

Although he may not have looked like a man who had a lot of raw power, keep in mind this man hit 500+ home runs and had years in his prime taken away by that goddamn World War we unfortunately were forced to be involved in in the 40s.

He was the best hitter in the history of baseball and could hit doubles and home runs with just the flick of his wrist, if you don't believe go stand at the red seat in Fenway and then squint and find home plate 450 feet away.

His almost mathematical and scientific approach to hitting is what made him so "splendid" and its the alliteration that really makes this nickname work.

Charles "The Round Mound of Rebound" Barkley
This is the first nickname to make my list which actually is funny!

A comical character like Charles Barkley deserves a nickname that doesn't make people laugh out loud when they see it attached to his picture, but does make them smile and think about really great things that can go along with a great nickname and a great player.

What also makes this nickname terrific is again how apt it is. When Sir Charles, his dumber nickname, played in Philadelphia he was clearly playing a full 60 minutes of basketball, going through a case of bud light, and mixing that in with some late night Wendy's runs. To make it all more comical he was short.

He only stands about 6 feet 5 inches tall and must have weighed upwards of 240 pounds which kind of makes me think that if we were to push him down a hill in the snow, he would make a great snowball... but hey that's just me.

But he also carried himself with grace and tenacity. His athleticism in proportion to his stature and weight was quite absurd. He could lead the break, dunk and break your ankles on a cross-over.

But what he definitely could do was rebound. For his career he average 11.7 rebounds per game and only finished under double digits once, his first season in the league.

Wayne "The Great One" Gretzky
This nickname truly says it all in one of the most obvious and simple nicknames of all time, and that's what makes it so great.

Wayne Gretzky was and will always be the greatest hockey player to ever play the game. Its like when someone picks first in pick up basketball but doesn't know the name of the kid who he wants to pick, so he says, "I will take the good kid, who can jump high, and shoot well."

Its an obvious statement but it goes understated just how truthful it is, especially in the case of Wayne.

It just makes too little sense for his nickname to be anything else. This type of player doesn't need alliteration or some funny play on his name, "Freight Train Wayne" or Wayne "the stain".

Not only are these terrible examples to illustrate my point but they obviously don't do a man of Gretzky's talent or stature justice.

"Insane" Wayne, Wayne the "Dane".... I just thought I would try a few more, see if I couldn't do better.

If you can name one addition to the game of basketball that has revolutionized its popularity that was more exciting or important than the dunk, I would like you to write the column for me instead and I will resign.

Lets face it, the dunk has been one of the more important additions to the game of basketball. Watching footage from the days of Cousy and Heinsohn are nostalgic and all, but it isn't as exciting as watching someone dunk.

Well, you can all thank David Thompson for its impact and introduction to basketball. In the early 70s college basketball was just beginning to shrug off the hangover that was the four corner offense which was about as exciting as watching a full round of the John Deere Classic.

But then came along David Thompson who changed the game from a game of strategy and stalemate, to a game of explosiveness and fast paced offense. He is notoriously known as the inventor of the dunk, and as the first man who truly played the game above the rim.

It turns out Dave Semenko was one of the meanest and toughest players in the history of hockey, and was also Wayne Gretzky's personal bodyguard in the days when Gretzky was in desperate need of one.

He played in over 500 NHL games and finished with less than 200 total points, but did manage to accrue 1175 penalty minutes being the enforcer of the greatest team in hockey history.

He didn't have to score, his job was simple and easy. If someone touches Wayne Gretzky...hit him so hard he doesn't want to do it again. If someone threatens Wayne Gretzky...deliver a bone-crunching hit that left the guy dazed.

Whether he was a dummy, simple minded, or just a one trick pony, it is clear that this nickname is terrific for a man who had no purpose in the history of hockey other than to act as a bodyguard for the greatest hockey player in history and the ambassador to the game.

Where would hockey and Wayne Gretzky without "Cementhead"?

Ok your turn, comment, and gimme some of your good ones.