Remember Big Tony? That guy in high school who shot paper hornets at the substitute teacher?
Yeah, he still thinks throwing stuff at people is fun, but now he has a criminal record and works at Quizno's. Turns out slinging objects at strangers doesn't stamp you an E-Z pass to the HOV lane of success.
There are a lot of Big Tony's in the world, however, and an alarming number of them continue to show up at sporting events with pockets full of dangerous and weird material to throw at athletes.
The following are a number of items athletes have had thrown their way.
In 1986, Anaheim Angels outfielder Wally Joyner was walking off the field after a 2-0 win at Yankee Stadium when something heavy and metallic struck his arm.
Joyner first thought it was a comb, but the object turned out to be a large folding knife with the blade exposed. It was nearly a foot long.
"You wouldn't have had much trouble killing a bear with it," Angels manager Gene Mauch said.
Who Throws a Knife?: Doug. Ever since he did ROTC in undergrad, that weirdo has been collecting knives and uploading videos of himself throwing them on YouTube.
Mexico fans wanted Bryan Ruiz to hurry up, but they only succeeded in delaying the game.
The Costa Rican captain was taking his sweet time setting up a corner kick in July when frustrated fans at the Azteca began whipping garbage down from up high.
One article—a plastic bottle, it appears—clipped Ruiz in the head. Seeing an opportunity, Ruiz used the situation to his advantage and refused to take the kick until guards with riot shields arrived to protect the corner.
Who Throws a Water Bottle?: Kyle, aka the guy who SAID he was going to designated drive...
Estadio Azteca: Home of the flying piss bags!
It's unfortunate, but the standard remains the same: The worst members of any fanbase always do the most to define the public's impression of a franchise.
It's for this reason that El Tri fans get one of the worst reps in soccer. They're not all lobbing urine/vomit concoctions at players, but you don't have to throw a lot of Pissy McPuke Bombs to carve out a bad name for yourself.
The practice is well-documented at the Azteca and has happened enough times to stamp the entire fanbase with an ugly mark.
Who Throws Pissy McPuke Bombs?: Jason. That guy has no shame whatsoever. Remember when he tried to eat that whole thing of wasabe? What a moron.
It's all fun and disco sticks until someone gets beaned in the dome with a road flare.
Inter fans at the Milan Derby in 2005 were hopping mad at their team's miserable 3-0 deficit, and they decided to take their angst out on the pitch.
In the 73rd minute of the game, Inter fans began throwing road flares onto the field and one of the projectiles struck AC Milan goalkeeper Dida in the head. Play was eventually continued, however, and referees were soon forced to call the game on account of all the fire raining down from the stands.
Who Throws a Flare?: Jake. He'll break those things out at barbecues and call them "hillbilly tiki torches." I don't think he's found a job yet.
David "Nobody (Bleeps) With" DeJesus was just trying to make a play in left field when one Cleveland Indians fan decided to throw a cup of liquid Cowtails at him.
Was it dip spit? I've been instructed not to assume these things, but I don't know anything else that's brown and falls in ribbons like that.
Who Throws Dip Spit?: Stan. He says he's switched to Snus, but I don't believe him.
It wasn't as bad as the Orlando Brown incident, but Rebels lineman C.J. Johnson didn't exactly enjoy getting hit in the eye by a referee's penalty flag earlier this year.
Fortunately, Johnson was able to walk it off—unlike Brown, whose football career was all but ended by an errant flag toss.
Who Throws a Penalty Flag?: Lance. He refs recreation league games, and thinks he could be a great college basketball referee. I'm tempted to agree with him, but I hate his face.
Somehow, some way, no one could identify the one moron who lobbed a beer bottle onto the court at the Pepsi Center during the 2009 playoffs.
You think it would've been easy. Just find the only pissed off guy wearing an Eric Gordon jersey. Solved.
Who Throws a Beer Bottle?: Mike. He's loyal to a fault, but he needs to understand that every time someone bumps into me at a bar, there doesn't have to be a UFC weigh-in staredown.
You throw iceballs at the field, you go in the grinder—or jail, to be more specific.
Spectators at a 1995 game between the New York Giants and the San Diego Chargers nearly caused a forfeiture when they began pelting players, security and staff members with icy snowballs.
Several Giants fans were arrested after Chargers equipment manager Sid Brooks was knocked unconscious by a hard-packed iceball to the dome. Referees came within moments of awarding the game to the Chargers.
Who Throws an Iceball?: Jeff. He's cool until he gets drunk and starts throwing snowballs and giving everyone noogies. It's like what, are we in fourth grade now? And he always starts talking in his Tony Soprano voice. Gets old fast.
Image via popdose.com
Oh, come on. A stink bomb? Yep, a stink bomb.
A Flyers fan threw a smoking stink bomb on the ice after disagreeing with a disallowed goal against the New Jersey Devils.
At least no one caught a sizzling wick in the eye.
Who Throws a Smoke bomb?: Karen. She thinks she's cute going adult trick-or-treating, and none of us have the heart to call her on it.
I don't know if it counts as a throw, but nonetheless, a hot dog ended up in the vicinity of Tiger Woods during the Frys.com Open in 2011.
The fan responsible for the dog appears to have rolled it out there—as if it were some kind of smokescreen or flash bang that would distract security long enough for him to hug Tiger.
That idea fell through.
Who Throws a Hot Dog?: Dan. I remember when that guy used to get drunk at tailgates in college and whip hot dogs at the Lambda Chi tent. He thought it was funny, at least.
Racism bares its head in many ways, but one of the most simple and hurtful displays is the throwing of the banana.
Racist soccer fans around the globe have thrown the fruit as a demonstration against players of many different ethnicities. It's an ugly and awful gesture, and can leave deeper scars than any glass bottle.
Who Throws a Banana?: Racist ***holes.
Sepahan soccer player Adel Kolahkaj is lucky he still has a hand.
The Iranian midfielder picked up a suspicious parcel that was thrown onto the field during a match in 2012. Kolahkaj studied the item and tossed it to the side.
The object exploded in a ball of fire moments after hitting the ground.
Who Throws a Bomb?: Grenadiers and enemies of the state.
According to Lamar Odom, someone threw a mini hotel vodka bottle at him during a 2010 game.
I can't confirm the allegations, but considering Boston is a town where dowsing athletes in booze has been elevated to an art form, I'm inclined to believe Odom.
Who Throws a Vodka Bottle?: Shawn. He loves to sneak those little hotel bottles into games. By the way, we need to to sit him down and talk about that. He has kids now.
Who brings a wiffle ball to a Major League Baseball game?
A sad, sad Rangers fan. The fan in question was attempting to distract Matt Holliday during a 2011 game when he decided to chuck the slotted, flimsy little orb.
He was ejected, and he deserves nothing but all the worst things. And no, it wasn't the kid. That was just the only good picture of a wiffle ball in our database.
Who Throws a Wiffle Ball?: Wiffle Ball Tony. He's a fun guy, but he can be a little aggressive when he's trying to start up the wiffle ball game.
Who doesn't enjoy a good old-fashioned stoning?
Everyone, actually, which is why a soccer match in Paraguay was interrupted after Olimpia fans began throwing rocks at Ronaldinho earlier this October.
Yes, of all the players you could throw rocks at, pick the one who's done more for your sport than anyone since Pele.
Who Throws Rocks?: Children and Steve. Steve once thought it would be funny to get drunk and throw rocks at cargo trains. He was right.
I'm on the Twitters, if you're into that kind of new-fangled jazz.