This Week in Annoying: The Worst in Sports Right Now
There is nothing worse than being a Cleveland Browns quarterback. Still, we can try to make those under center in Cleveland feel a bit better about their lot in life.
Welcome to another edition of the things that were truly awful in sports this week.
We have one fan who went to great lengths to troll Brandon Weeden, some St. Louis Cardinals fans who thought making an ode to their favorite was a good idea and so much more that will make you laugh and possibly cringe.
Of course, if you have any suggestions, we would love to see them. Misery, as we all know, loves company.
With that, let's break down the week's truly unfortunate.
Celtics Save Us from a Preseason Overtime
If you buy into the fact the Boston Celtics will be hard to watch this season, and I think we all do, you might actually applaud their effort in a preseason game against the Raptors this week.
Sure, they had the perfect chance to send this preseason game to overtime after a hilariously awful slam-dunk miss from the Toronto Raptors' Julyan Stone, but that would have meant seeing more of them on the court.
So really, we should applaud Jared Sullinger's putback miss at the end. Good game all around, guys.
Ole Miss Superstar
It's really hard to admonish this coed, because she is really quite wonderful in her own way.
Among her most brilliant quips, we rather enjoyed the following:
I love school spirit, but let’s not get me wrong. I wouldn’t have school spirit without a couple vodka waters. (Pounds drink)… Everybody has the same mission, and the mission is we don’t care about anything but the party, and the party goes on forever. The party never ends. … Ole Miss never loses a party.
Forget polls, rankings, wins and losses, because we found the real winner this season. She goes to Ole Miss, and she dominates every pregame party.
Poor Brandon Weeden. It's not like he is trying to get sacked and throw picks. Wait, is he? That would explain a lot, actually.
Either way, the futility caused one fan to go on Craigslist and post an ad pleading for someone, anyone, to take over at quarterback.
Here is an excerpt of the genius:
Hello, and thanks for reading.
Have you played pro football? College ball? Highschool? Pee-wee?
Have you played Madden before?
Do you sort of kind of know some of the rules of football? If yes keep reading. If no...well also keep reading! We will take ANYONE. This could turn into a regular gig for the right person.
As it turns out, being an NFL quarterback is a sweet gig, unless you play for the Browns.
School Punishes Good Samaritan
We have our winner for most absurd story of the week.
The Boston Herald's Margery Eagen reports North Andover (Mass.) High School senior volleyball player Erin Cox was suspended five games and stripped of her captaincy after she was summoned to court for being at a party with underage drinking.
So far there is nothing there that would cause an outrage, but then we relay the important aspect of Eagen's report: Cox was at the party merely to pick up a friend who called her because she was too drunk to drive.
Even a police officer, called to the party, offered a written statement that Cox was sober at the time. Still, the school decided their zero-tolerance policy included a student who was doing absolutely the right thing.
We are left to wonder the same.
There has been a lot made about the Cardinals, their fans and the media's constant mission to have us believe the entire franchise is the epitome of perfection.
However, we just want you to sit back and listen to just the latest in what has been a long string of awful Cardinals anthems.
Actually, don't do that. Take my advice and skip listening to this.
Erin Andrews' Bieber Moment
To be fair, when you get Justin Bieber on the brain, it's hard to forget about him. Even getting to the bottom of a whiskey bottle is futile. Trust me on that one.
Erin Andrews was interviewing Game 3 hero Mike Napoli and was about to ask about Justin Verlander, but it came out, "Justin Bie, uh, Verlander."
In all honesty, I would love to see Bieber on the mound against these Boston Red Sox.