Novak Djokovic is a birthday boy, today, as he turns 22 years old. A spring chicken on the tennis tour, he will no doubt have many more years of great tennis in him.
Djokovic has a sense of humor—he does impressions and it seems he is a gracious loser when he is defeated. However, he has been known to be sensitive so I will stay away from the retirement jokes unless we are discussing Djokovic at 65.
In honor of his birthday, I have decided to do my usual letters from different personalities to congratulate the birthday boy and to wish him success (for the most part) on his future.
I want to cordially wish you a happy 22nd birthday. You have come really far at such an early age.
Now that we have dispensed with the niceties, I have to get back to coaching you.
PUT THAT FATTENING CAKE DOWN, YOU HAVE IT ALL OVER YOUR FACE AND EYEBROWS! PARTY IS OVER MY FRIEND! GET YOUR SERBIAN BUTT OVER HERE. YOU HAVE TWO MILES TO RUN AND THEN ANOTHER TWO HOURS OF TENNIS PRACTICE AHEAD OF YOU!
ARE YOU HUNGRY TO BEAT RAFA AND FEDERER OR ARE YOU JUST HUNGRY FOR FRUITCAKE?
MOVE! MOVE! MOVE!
TIME TO GET INTO TRAINING AND OUT OF SHARAPOVA!
Happy Birthday! Thanks for letting me crash at your place in Monte Carlo. I was wondering if I could borrow the Aussie trophy for Saturday night. I have two hot chicks coming over and unfortunately your Benz is in the shop after the fire incident.
Don't worry about me. I saw the film "Risky Business" with Tom Cruise. I am confident I can get your place back in shape without you noticing.
I am learning to live in your shadow, but on the bright side, I don't have the biggest nose in the family.
See ya in Paris,
You have not called lately. In fact the only reason I am coming back on tour is to meet you in Paris. I have lost all interest in tennis and the younger ladies have no sense of style on the court. It is no fun anymore.
Darling, I miss the days where I could feel your buzz-cut all over me like a tickly porcupine. Not only will I let you imitate me like you do so well, you can even wear my complete tennis wardrobe while you do it.
Call me and I will make you feel like No. 1!
Don't make me contact the mob to hunt you down again. (Unless you want me to, Kinky)
I see from my copy of the restraining order that it is your birthday today. Happy Birthday.
Look, I know we may have gotten off on the wrong foot but I have inspired many tennis players out there. I do not have time to meet with them all.
I am glad that you finally gave up calling our house after the fifth time we changed the number.
I will call you if I am interested in an exhibition match. Please see the attached polite rejection letter that I send out to all who keep harassing me.
I wish you and your attorney a great day!
P.S.—Why would I want to go to Monte Carlo when I have Las Vegas in my backyard?
We, the Nigerian soccer team, wish to communicate with you. The government of Nigeria accidentally deposited the sum of $150,000,000 USD into our club bank account.
The teller who made this transaction is now dead. We need to move this money out of the country.
Please send us your bank and bank account number and we will deposit the money into your account. You will retain the sum of $15 million yourself.
We await your reply before our next match.
The Nigerian Soccer Team
Dear Subscribed Member,
We cannot reimburse you for our magazine editions that you have returned. Several of the returns, most notably our feature on the Zulu life, saw the pages to be inexplicably stuck together.
We apologize for this decision. However, we would encourage you to alter your choice of magazine to truly reflect your new-found leisurely habits.
(Society to Keep Perverseness Out of National Geographic)
Dear Mr. Djokovic,
Thank you for your application to be a US citizen. However, I am the Secretary of State and not head of the Department of Immigration.
I appreciate the tickets to the French Open as well as the $250,000USD in cash to expedite this matter.
Let me say that it was a wonderful experience to visit your country, even though I was under sniper fire. However, after a few days of flexing my diplomatic muscles, I was happy to have achieved Serbian independence on your behalf.
The Clinton Library Foundation heartily thanks you for your involuntary donation.
Hillary Rodham Clinton
الرجاء الرد على أعمالنا بكين للتنس المقبلة في الخريف. ويشرفنا أن نستقبلكم في مكتبنا.
عدم الرد على رسالتنا التي يمكن أن تؤدي إلى السجن في المرة التالية التي تقوم بزيارة بلدنا.
ونحن في انتظار ردكم.