Matt Schaub, the starting quarterback of the 2-4 Houston Texans, bears a striking resemblance to Gomer Pyle. Uncanny as uncanny gets.
If the press informed him that he's the winningest quarterback in franchise history, you'd bank on him rattling back, "Gollllly! Ain't that about madder than a billy goat in a pepper patch?" or some other nonsensical Southern proverb.
As far as the whole "winningest quarterback" thing goes? You wouldn't know if judging by his play in 2013. Schaub became the first passer in NFL history to fling pick-sixes in four consecutive weeks.
Last Sunday, he went down in agonizing pain, the crowd cheered—everything's bigger in Texas, including fan-to-village-idiot ratio—and T.J. Yates breathed new life into the record via a 98-yard pick-six of his own.
Schaub is doubtful for this weekend's clash at Arrowhead, which means that Yates, the man Texans fans clamored for, should pen his first start of the 2013 season. And it will comes against the Chiefs—Pro Football Focus' (PFF) No. 1 defense.
By the time Sunday's final whistle blows, Schaub will look better than he has all season, without taking a single snap from under center.
Matt Schaub, you're welcome.
Hugs, Love and Pogo Sticks, Bob Sutton.
Here are five bold prophecies heading into Sunday's matchup between the Texans and Chiefs.
Statistics provided by Pro Football Focus (subscription required).