Not every athlete is card-carrying VIP customer at Inka Dinka Doo, but there are plenty of guys whose tattoos are almost as much a part of their public image as the number on their jersey.
An athlete's tattoos move out of the realm of "afterthought" when a particularly striking, weird, hilariously awful or personally meaningful piece of body art grabs our attention; or when the sheer number of tats sets them apart from the standard "barbed wire" arm band.
A true test of your super-fan credentials is showing that you can match the ink to the dude.
If you are as familiar with a player's body art as you are with his career stats, then you can definitely count yourself as being an absolute fanatic—or someone who has spent way too much time looking at another person's skin.
Can you guess who goes with the tattoo? Good luck and...yikes these are bad.
If you can't get this one, you can't get any of these.
Heat forward Chris "Birdman" Andersen is one of the most tatted up athletes in sports. Eventually he's going to have to move on to the face.
Maybe he should've started there.
This NBA player has countless tattoos, one of which he may have stolen from a teenage girl who got a tattoo using her old sister's ID.
He should've gotten that dreamcatcher on his ankle or lower back.
When it comes to DeMarcus "Boogie" Cousins, the dream everyone in the NBA wishes they could catch is that he stops behaving like an idiot someday.
Is there such thing as a pipedreamcatcher?
This former NFL linebacker was known for his "lights out" style of play, which he forever immortalized on his right arm with a...light switch. Very creative.
Oh and he's also known for steroids, which he forever immortalized on his gut with what looks like a crotch demon climbing out of his shorts.
Shawne Merriman has made a lot of mistakes in his life—and I do mean a lot—but those horrific tattoos have to be chief among them.
Besides dating (and allegedly beating up) Tila Tequila, of course.
Nothing says "I'm a pro" like making your body a living tribute to Snoop Dogg, DMX and a boxer who may or may not be Mike Tyson.
Wait, did I say, "I'm a pro?" I meant, "I'm really dumb."
And when it comes to athletes, it doesn't get much dumber than the Lakers Robert Sacre.
Just recently he and another idiot, Chris Kaman, pooled their money to purchase a cow. A live cow, which they plan to eat.
Someone please take Sacre on a field trip to the grocery store—but keep an eye on him, as he'll mostly likely get lost.
This sometimes NBA player has the eyes of the tiger on his chest and the cold blank stare of some babies and, I believe, himself on his back.
Props to anyone who can recognize this guy based on the very rough (and very permanent) sketch of his own face on his own back.
Always count on Gilbert Arenas to come up with new and inventive ways to make us laugh at him.
He'll probably celebrate that achievement by transporting a truck full of illegal fireworks...somewhere.
Looking at this SEC quarterback, you wouldn't expect to see this massive ill-advised tattoo when the jersey comes off.
Two-time BCS Championship Alabama quarterback A.J. McCarron doesn't make a lot of mistakes on the field, so he makes up for that off the field.
With bad tattoos.
This NBA player let his ex-girlfriend Trina talk him into this terrible tattoo a few years ago.
Knicks forward Kenyon Martin wisely decided to have this tat covered up in 2010.
It would've been wiser not to get it in the first place.
America, f*@$ yeah! That's the overarching theme of this former NFL tight end's tattoo situation.
That eagle should really be holding an assault rifle.
Nothing says "I love America" like showing up for team photo day looking like you just came from having your mugshot taken.
Jeremy Shockey is certainly one of a kind. Phew.
This NBA player sports the most literal interpretation of a family tree imaginable.
Among his endless tattoos, Mavericks guard Monta Ellis has "Family First" emblazoned across his chest and a levitating disembodied head of a baby.
Presumably his baby.
This Russian NBA player sports a tattoo that Vladimir Putin would most definitely approve of—if only the demon was wrestling a tiger with one hand and a bear with the other.
Nets forward Andrei Kirilenko got that massive winged demon tattoo in 2011 and all it took was 12 hours of being stabbed with tiny needles.
That's gonna be time he wishes he had back on his deathbed.
If you're thinking that looks like an Abraham Lincoln neck tattoo, you're right.
This NBA player obviously loves money, particularly $5 bills.
DeShawn Stevenson's tattoos can best be described as the presidential and monetary hallucinations of a dude on a meth bender.
The explanations behind them don't do much to change that perception.
This retired NBA center is from Texas and obviously quite proud of his Lonestar State lineage.
That and his love of the Stone Age.
The goofy Texas tat is not too off the wall, but who knows what possessed Greg Ostertag to permanently immortalize Fred Flintstone on his leg.
Hopefully it was the result of a bet. That's really the only acceptable explanation here.
I couldn't help but laugh when I saw this NBA player's epic tattoo. It looks to be a person with an elephant face and angel wings to spare.
Uh. I think I know where he saw it before. The Hindu God Ganesh has many similar features—talk about mixing east and west.
There's no indication that Wizards forward Kevin Seraphin, who is from French Guiana, converted from Hinduism to Christianity. Which could maybe explain that tattoo.
Wait, nevermind. Literally nothing can explain that tattoo.
This extremely humble NFL running back has "Gifted" tattooed on one forearm and "One" tattooed on the other.
He's not bragging or anything—those were probably stamped on by God himself.
Hey diddle diddle, Ray Rice...has some really stupid tattoos.
Seriously though, if you're that good, you shouldn't try so hard to convince everyone.
This NBA player/son of God has angel wings tattooed on his back—just like Kelly Osbourne! Which is not cool beans, it's super cool beans.
Wait. Is he implying that he's Jesus?
I'm not sure if Heat forward Michael Beasley thinks he's one of God's sons, or the son of God.
He should probably get a tramp stamp to clarify the situation.
This former NFL player is pretty inked up, but at least he still has some room left for a few prison tattoo artists to make their marks.
Also, I'm sure crucified Jesus appreciates being brought into this whole thing.
These days, former Patriots' tight end Aaron Hernandez's mind is less on his money and more on his impending murder trial.
And then maybe the double-murder trial after that.
This former NBA player is, among other things, a solider. Or the possessed demon skull of a dead soldier.
Legendary practice-hater Allen Iverson really should've got that diamond necklace tattooed on himself instead.
Since he probably had that thing repossessed to help cover his six-figure jewelry debt in early 2012.
This globally beloved soccer star has been slowly covering himself in ink over the last decade or so.
Each tattoo is more ridiculous and faux philosophical than the last.
Retired English footballer David Beckham sure is proud of his tats—he's almost always shirtless or showing them off in some fashion.
Which is why no one should tell him those Asian characters on his side mean "white hooker."
This NBA player has a salute to the state of Florida on his back, right under a menacing cross-clutching fist urging you to "Look through the eyes of a killer."
On his arm, he's got a dude blowing his head off with a shotgun because "Only the strong survive."
That last tattoo should be amended to say "Only the strong and stupid survive," because that's definitely the case with Bucks forward Marquis Daniels.
As usual, way to represent, Florida.
This wrestler turned MMA fighter turned back to wrestler because he couldn't hack it as an MMA fighter has a tattoo that is tougher than him.
Side note: Why don't all swords come outfitted with brass knuckles?
That manly tattoo belongs to none other than Brock Lesnar! Who I tease a lot online, but would never say any of it to his face.
Colin Cowherd knows exactly what I'm talking about.
Among his billions of tattoos, this NBA player has what looks to be tributes to his mother, Jesus, a child and, of course, Air Jordans.
At least Jesus wasn't below his favorite tennis shoes.
Knicks forward J.R. Smith actually looks like he's running out of room for new tattoos, at least on parts of his body that are visible in a basketball uniform.
Which means things must be getting very interesting for his tattoo artist.
**Speaking of getting interesting, follow me on Twitter: Follow @blamberr