We were due for carnage, and it arrived at our doorstep in Week 7.
Seven ranked teams suffered defeat—including the likes of Georgia and Stanford—and it could have been worse. Three other ranked teams (Texas A&M, Texas Tech and Northern Illinois) squeaked past foes by a touchdown or less.
The Red River Rivalry (it's the Shootout, and it always will be) provided plenty of intrigue beyond the result of the game, which was no doubt intriguing in itself. There was fried food, a glorious FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN and a video game-esque hit on quarterback Case McCoy.
Here’s what I loved and hated in Week 7.
Why would anyone fry a chocolate chip burrito (shown above)? Because we can, and we can also sell said fried goodness for a cringeworthy price that people will pay without thinking about it.
God bless America.
The Texas State Fair serves as the backdrop for the Red River Shootout between Texas and Oklahoma, and the food always delivers whether the game is competitive or not. It is fried, it is unhealthy, and it is glorious.
A fried burrito doesn’t do it for you? What about a Doritos Cool Ranch Deep Fried Pizza? Yes, I will have some. In fact, just fry everything I own and let’s see how it tastes.
Give Lane Kiffin credit.
He clearly wants back into the coaching game, which is why he made a cameo on ESPN's College GameDay. Either that, or his agent told him this was an appearance he had to make. The answer is probably somewhere in the middle.
In doing so, however, he heard the boos and the chants. He also shared the screen with a sign that commented on his recent run. Washington doesn’t get GameDay often, but it made the most of it.
Oh, that’s just unfortunate placement, though.
When large men do things out of the ordinary, it is newsworthy. And in a game that has fried everything just a few hundred yards away (see: a few slides ago), it’s only fitting that the Red River Rivalry had one of the greatest plays in all of sports.
A FAT GUY TOUCHDOWN (capitalization required, because it's very important).
Defensive tackle Chris Whaley was actually recruited as a running back, and this transformation was on display. Whaley dropped into coverage, picked off the Blake Bell pass and then earned the six points that he would not be denied.
Big men doing big things—one of life’s greatest gifts.
WARNING: LES MILES SAID SOME NAUGHTY THINGS. DON’T WORRY, THOUGH. IT’S LES MILES, SO IT’S COOL.
When Les Miles rants, you listen. This is actually a written law in the College Football Book of Fandom.
When this rant stems from a strange question/analogy over a game that was played last season, well, you're in for a treat.
Miles was asked about the Florida game from 2012, a game the Tigers lost 14-6. I suppose this seemed like the ideal time for a “hammer vs. nail” comparison (LSU being the nail in this instance), which meant the spotlight was on.
A hint of crazy, another hint of crazy, a dash of, well, crazy and a solid serving of vintage Les. If he decided to rant more than once a season, I would not complain.
If you tuned into the Alabama-Kentucky game, you were greeted with bunny ears if you looked hard enough.
Now, we don’t know for certain if this tattoo is real, so let’s not jump to conclusions. Does it really matter, though? In fact, wouldn’t a fake Playboy bunny tattoo only make this image better?
We need a ref tattoo expert for moments like this. This expert would undoubtedly botch this ruling, but it would be worth a shot.
I’m going to assume it is real and spectacular, only because I don’t know of any officials who would throw on a Playboy logo before they go to work. And if these tattoos can somehow help officials avoid doing whatever Pac-12 officials are currently doing, then they should be required.
The best part about the video game NFL Blitz wasn’t the unfair computer play that would always stage a comeback (I absolutely hated that).
No, the best part, of course, was the monstrous, cartoonish hitting that could never possibly happen in real life.
Or perhaps that’s not true.
Texas quarterback Case McCoy experienced the closest thing to unrealistic video game tackling on Saturday, thanks to Oklahoma’s Eric Striker. I mean, even the name of the tackler is right out of NFL Blitz.
McCoy was shaken up a bit after the hit, as you might imagine, but he bounced back and played quite well. Also, remember when Texas won this game easily as a two-touchdown underdog?
College football, man.
This game felt all over, but little did we know there was an hour of fun in front of us. I use the term “fun” here loosely, because I’m not sure the overtime would qualify.
Trailing late, however, Penn State mounted a comeback against Michigan, thanks in large part to this catch from Allen Robinson. The throw from frosh quarterback Christian Hackenberg wasn’t too shabby, either.
Side note: Hackenberg is going to be unfairly good at some point, probably soon.
Robinson’s catch was the play that made Penn State’s win possible. The footwork, the hands and the body control were all top-notch, and the end result was a touchdown and a win. Well, eventually.
You just scored the first touchdown of the game on a 64-yard run. You’re excited and overcome with emotions...and you just fell. You weren’t touched, but the turf monster caused havoc regardless.
The turf monster remains undefeated.
Tevin Coleman knows this experience well, because he was one of the turf monster’s victims on Saturday. Following the opening score against Michigan State, Coleman crossed the goal line and down he went.
Excellent routine and form, terrible dismount.
One-handed catches are a popular fad in 2013. That’s great and all, but UCLA wideout Shaquelle Evans decided to use pretty much every part of his body to make this catch against Cal.
And he used it all at different times. It makes sense if you watch the video.
It wasn’t a great throw by Brett Hundley, which meant Evans had to reach behind him. From there, Evans tipped it with one hand, kept it alive with his feet and then eventually caught it behind his legs. He then took an unnecessary shot from a Cal defender and still hung on.
Try re-enacting this catch in your front lawn and see how many neighbors you freak out and muscles you pull.
When 230 pounds gets a head start running at you, the outcome will not be favorable. Write that down.
And when that 230 pounds is capable of running at incredible speeds, then we’ve got problems. The “we” in this instance was a Clemson tackler, and there were indeed problems.
Boston College running back Andre Williams is a large, fast, talented running back who doesn’t get discussed enough because of the team he plays for.
Williams’ talent was on display on Saturday, however, when he used his own individual truck stick on a run. No, Boston College didn’t pull the upset, but this play will have to suffice.
These are the plays where you hog the stat sheet.
Forced fumble? Yep.
Fumble recovery? You betcha.
Kansas State defensive end Ryan Mueller came up with the trifecta against Baylor, and he did so in rather magnificent fashion. He forced the fumble with one hand, jarring it loose. From there he fell on top of the ball brilliantly near the sideline, doing all the heavy lifting with one magnificent leap.
This was effort, skill and luck all wrapped into one magical defensive play.