Apparently Tim Tebow is still a thing. The Jacksonville Jaguars are not helping by keeping him in the headlines through their sheer awfulness, but bringing the hometown hero into the fold would only worsen the situation for the NFL's sorriest franchise.
Tebow's chances of ever becoming a starting NFL quarterback appeared permanently buried when the New England Patriots cut him before the regular season began. So much for the theory that crazy Bill Belichick would cultivate him into a star and unleash his fury on the New York Jets this season.
Now Tebow is still searching for a home, whether that destination comes in the form on an NFL squad, CFL organization or even rugby club. Of course, Jacksonville is the easiest destination for his few remaining supports to latch onto.
After all, the Jaguars are 0-5 with a minus-112 point differential. Their Week 6 opponent, the Denver Broncos, scored 51 points last Sunday. The Jaguars have scored 51 points total this season.
Watching Blaine Gabbert play quarterback does crazy things to people. Jacksonville fans held a rally supporting Tebow earlier in the season that comically featured more media members than actual fans in attendance. That says all anyone needs to know about this story.
But it won't die. Not as long as those 20 stubborn fans are organizing a three-hour and 16 minute rally to begin at 3:16, because winning a few close games with the help of a stout defense and rushing game makes him worthy of being their savior.
Not as long as Skip Bayless still has a job. Unless... no, looks like he's still employed against all cries for reason and sensibility.
But come on, it couldn't get any worse with Tebow, right? Want to bet? Tebow led the Broncos to the playoffs once upon a time in 2011, but he also completed 46.5 percent of his passes and averaged 144.1 passing yards per game.
His lowly six interceptions served as a positive, but he lost seven fumbles, which also count as turnovers. Every bounce pass to his receiver and pop-up deep throw proved he does not possess the arm of a successful NFL quarterback.
Chad Henne is at least sometimes not a terrible quarterback. He averaged 252.7 passing yards through his final seven games of 2012, throwing 10 touchdowns to 10 interceptions. (I never said good.) At least he sports a 58.9 career completion percentage, which is 11 percent higher than Tebow's mark.
Somewhere, some misguided sole is probably calling for the New York Giants to replace that Eli Manning loser with Tebow. Somewhere, a person that still can't grasp that football is a team sport shook his or her fists and yelled that Tebow wouldn't have thrown that interception late last Sunday against the Denver Broncos.
Sure, Tony Romo also threw 506 yards and five touchdowns to give Dallas 48 points, but none of that matters unless he can't also sack Peyton Manning and prevent him from leading Denver to a 51-point outburst.
Growing up on sitcom dads has caused us to cheer on characters who somehow save the day at the last minute from all the problems they caused. If Peter Griffin offends his family while threatening their safety through his selfishness, is he really a hero for putting out his own fire before it's too late? Is 58 minutes of awful followed by two minutes of decency really better than 58 minutes of awesome concluded with one mistake?
The process is often more important than the results, a concept that evaded everyone that let Tebow madness spread the nation after the Broncos won seven of their last 11 games despite his poor individual performance.
So unless Tebow can become an All-Pro linebacker that saves Jacksonville's league-worst rush defense, all he'd do in Jacksonville is prove the "winner" label misguided alongside a dreadful supporting cast.
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