Welcome to the latest edition of The Onion Bag, your No. 1 source for weird and wonderful stories from world football.
First up, we look at Gareth Bale, who appears to have a "small chronic disc profusion" injury. We're not exactly sure what that means, except that Real Madrid might have wanted to find this out before paying €100 million for him.
Energy drink giant Red Bull already owns teams in New York, Austria, Ghana and Brazil, but now they are setting their sights on England. Which club will they try and give some wings to?
Next up, we bring you a bizarre tale from Tajikistan, where a striker had his water and power shut off for five days in revenge for scoring against his hometown team.
And finally, Sir Alex Ferguson already has a statue and a stand at Old Trafford named after him, and now he has his own street. Will he keep having things named after him until Manchester is just known as "Ferguson"?
Let us know your thoughts about today's show below.