NCAA Football 14 has found its rhythm, accurately predicting 13 of the past 15 spotlight games over the past three weeks. If you had any doubts that it would discover domination for the second consecutive season, kindly apologize to the world’s smartest video game and pass along your polite condolences as it nears the end of its lifecycle.
Not only did the world’s greatest simulation device finish with a 4-1 record in Week 6, but it also correctly predicted a Notre Dame upset and had Stanford beating Washington by three points.
Powers, folks. It has ‘em.
For those of you who are new to this, here’s the syllabus: Using NCAA Football 14 on the PS3, all college football games from the weekend are simulated. The results are not doctored with in any way—I am an adult with video game simulation standards—and the findings are reported here.
As for Week 7, just assume the following will happen given the recent run.
Updated Record Through Week 6: 20-10
Wisconsin jumps out to a 17-0 lead, although the Wildcats bounce back. The Badgers score a touchdown with less than 40 seconds left to win, and it's heartbreak city all over again.
Quarterback Joel Stave plays a decent game, throwing for 171 yards, two touchdowns and two interceptions. The Badgers rushing game, however, is the difference. Melvin Gordon and James White rush for 235 yards and two scores on 33 carries.
Running back Venric Mark performs well, running for 97 yards and two touchdowns. Kain Colter completes 13 passes for 131 yards and also runs for 65 yards and two touchdowns in the most Kain Colter stat line ever for Northwestern.
It’s not all bad news for the Wildcats, though. They do cover the spread according to the simulation, which is somewhat important after last week. Wait, sorry, please stop crying. I shouldn't have brought that up again.
The Aggies bust out of the gate and head into halftime up 42-0. What other information do you need?
Johnny Manziel posts video game numbers (wait, is that weird?), throwing for 235 yards, running for 117 more and totaling six touchdowns. Running back Ben Malena runs for 70 yards, but let’s be honest, you zoned out thinking about that Manziel stat line.
Ole Miss quarterback Bo Wallace delivers the bad Bo Wallace, tossing four interceptions and completing only 12 of 27 passes. Wideout Donte Moncrief does muster up a solid performance in an ugly game, catching seven balls for 112 yards and a score.
Let’s talk about the Manziel stat line real quick and point to the virtual scoreboard for him so the Internet doesn’t say stupid things about it. Deal? Deal.
The Longhorns jump out to a 21-0 lead—stop laughing, that's rude—although the Sooners score the final 21 points to come back and win.
Oklahoma quarterback Blake Bell throws for just 124 yards, but he adds another 110 yards on the ground and finishes with four touchdowns. Running back Brennan Clay adds 99 yards rushing on 17 carries.
Multiple Texas quarterbacks see the field in this game, which seems strangely fitting. The QBs combine to throw for 197 yards, one touchdown and two interceptions. The solid stable of running backs finish with 152 yards rushing.
Let’s just assume Big 12 officials missed an enormous holding call that caused the Sooners to win. And a pass interference call. And they (the officials) scored the final touchdown.
Florida finishes with 489 yards of offense—yes, that Florida—and cruises past LSU.
Matt Jones has a monster game for the Gators, carrying the ball 24 times for 227 yards and three touchdowns. Wide receiver Trey Burton also plays well, catching six passes for 107 yards and a touchdown.
Quarterback Zach Mettenberger throws for 287 yards and two scores against a solid defense. He does, however, add two interceptions. Running back Jeremy Hill carries the ball 17 times for 107 yards and a score.
Someone is going to write a recap of this game and describe the Gators offensive as “explosive” and mean it. Just you wait.
The Ducks go about this road test business as usual, racking up 607 yards of offense and cruising against a good team.
Marcus Mariota remains your Heisman favorite, throwing for 445 yards (!!!), running for 35 yards and scoring four touchdowns. Byron Marshall gets going on the ground for Oregon, running for 84 yards on only eight carries.
Washington quarterback Keith Price has easily his worst game of the year. Price throws for just 134 yards, a touchdown and an interception. Running back Bishop Sankey runs for 67 yards and a touchdown on 15 carries.
Look, I have at least $13 in my piggybank, and I will donate $6 of these piggybank dollars to get Oregon and Baylor to play a game with 35-minute quarters.
Kansas State 42, Baylor 21: BILL SNYDER IS THE ONE WHO KNOCKS.
Stanford 24, Utah 15
Louisville 45, Rutgers 16
Nebraska 34, Purdue 21
TCU 45, Kansas 14
Pittsburgh 24, Virginia Tech 17
Texas Tech 14, Iowa State 6: The Texas Tech mascot scored the game-winning touchdown and the call was upheld. Man, Paul Rhoads can't catch a break.
Georgia Tech 31, BYU 14
Clemson 34, Boston College 9
Georgia 34, Missouri 24
Alabama 52, Kentucky 17
Arkansas 38, South Carolina 34: Steve Spurrier was shirtless by the third quarter and no one noticed.
Michigan 21, Penn State 16
Colorado 31, Arizona State 18: [cracks open Todd Graham coaching destination joke book]
Oregon State 35, Washington State 34
Boise State 28, Utah State 14
UCLA 45, Cal 14