Matt Damon bought a zoo; Chris Kaman and Robert Sacre bought a cow.
That's right, Chris Kaman, Robert Sacre and Lakers strength and conditioning coach Tim DiFrancesco bought a cow.
This isn't like Billy Crystal's pet cow Norman in "City Slickers." The three of them are going in together on a full cow's worth of beef after it's been to the butcher, or approximately 400 pounds of cuts of meat for their freezers.
DiFrancesco, who has picked up the nickname "Grass-Fed Tim" around the team because of his belief in the health benefits of eating grass-fed beef, came up with the idea after connecting with a farm that raises grass-fed cows down in San Diego.
You couldn't have made this up if you tried. It's wonderfully random and, let's face it, fitting for a known outdoorsman like Kaman.
Just be happy the trio has a purpose for their transaction. They're pooling their resources for the health benefits, not stocking up on, well, livestock to do some real-life cow-tapulting.
The cuts of meat will be divvied up amongst the three of them. Initially, the cow whisperers were supposed to be a quartet, but Lakers trainer Gary Vitti backed out because he ran out of freezer space. Sacre faced the same issue, though he wasn't about to let that stop him.
"I had to go to a Best Buy to go buy me a 15 cubic foot freezer," said Sacre, per McMenamin. "It’s, uh, it’s intense."
I'll say. Both Sacre and DiFrancesco will receive 100 pounds of beef, while Kaman will be getting 200.
NBA players are known for their extravagant transactions, but I must admit, investing in a cow is new. And not at all as expensive as I imagined. Sacre said with the freezer, per McMenamin, he'll wind up spending $1,300.
So what are you waiting for? The time to buy livestock is now, before bovines become opulent collectibles and farmers jack up the prices.
Not to mention the health benefits of munching on grass-fed beef. The folks over at localharvest.org describe the meat as "tastier and healthier" and "leaner" than that obtained from factory farms.
Make sure you're not purchasing imitation beef, though, like say that from a cow derived from magic potion in The Emperor's New Groove. It has to be authentic, grass-fed beef.
Once you've boarded the grass-fed cattle bandwagon, all that's left to do is create enough storage space and decide how you're going to cook it.
Sacre plans to grill it, while Kaman plans to pan-cook it and serve it "very rare." Hopefully by very rare, he doesn't mean still mooing.
That's their prerogative; you can do what you want. Maybe that involves grilling or pan-frying it, or perhaps you'd like to make the world's biggest plate of beef nachos for your neighborhood.
The possibilities are delectably endless. Invest in a bovine today, and you too can reap the benefits of an NBA player's diet.