Washington Nationals Not Pleased with Nation (Satire)

Chris Murphy@@SeeMurphsTweetsAnalyst IMay 20, 2009

WASHINGTON - APRIL 16:  Adam Dunn #44 of the Washington Nationals reacts to a called third strike during the game against the Philadelphia Phillies at Nationals Park on April 16, 2009 in Washington, DC.  (Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

When you are called the Washington Nationals, you represent not only Washington D.C., but every national in this country, and with that comes a lot of pressure.

With the nation goes the Nationals and vice versa, so do not blame the Nationals for their awful play, but rather the nationals of this country for the state we and the team are in. There, I said it.

Adam Dunn and Ryan Zimmerman are trying to get the DOW up, but you people keep spending idiotically which sends Elijah Dukes and Jesus Flores to the DL and even worse, Joel Hanrahan to the mound.

Each time you say something bad about your fellow man, the Nationals' bullpen takes another hit and adds to the Nationals' league-leading earned run total.  

Every time you watch FOX news for your fair and balanced information, Dunn strikes out instead of hitting a home run.

When you watch Bill O'Reilly, Sean Hannity or Rush Limbaugh, not only does a baby cry, but Daniel Cabrera gets the start.

When you throw garbage on the ground, ESPN ranks the Nationals 30th in the Power Rankings. 

You are the reason Zimmerman's hit-streak came to an end. You are the reason for every one of Cristian Guzman and Nick Johnson's errors.

Please, America, you must start supporting your team. Even George Bush supported them when he began putting "W" in-between his name, which some experts say was the beginning of the downfall of this franchise. I, however, say it was a sign of patriotism. 

We have willed the New England Patriots to become champions, even if it meant cheating. We have gotten America University into the NCAA Tournament the last two years. We can do this, America.

We cannot let this team go quietly into the night for we are all nationals, except Mexican, African-American, Jewish, Italian, and Irish people.