WWE Worst of the Week: Los Matadores, Santino and More

Andy SoucekFeatured ColumnistOctober 6, 2013

WWE Worst of the Week: Los Matadores, Santino and More

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    photo via officialfan.proboards.com/thread/482430
    photo via officialfan.proboards.com/thread/482430

    Reading WWE Worst of the Week will take less time than watching Los Matadores' entrance.

    It's time for WWE Battleground, and the company went all-out on promoting the show. That's probably because it forgot to book enough matches to make it an actual show the past few weeks. 

    R-Truth vs. Curtis Axel? Take my money! Or, maybe I'll just keep it and put it in a bank—or buy an ice cream cone.

    This week we found out that Brie Bella and Daniel Bryan are engaged, that Big Show isn't much of a man and that in 2013, it's still okay to build a gimmick off of a racial stereotype. It was your typical week in WWE. 

    It's time to sort through it all and pick out the moments on WWE TV that were the most annoying, frustrating and made you want to give yourself The Cobra.

    Here is WWE's Worst of the Week.

No. 4: Abeyance

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    photos via dictionary.com and wwe.com
    photos via dictionary.com and wwe.com

    Every now and then, WWE strikes up a phrase that helps capture the essence of an era.

    Who could forget "Bret screwed Bret," which kicked off the Attitude era? Later, we had "Ruthless Aggression," which summed up the following era. 

    Now, we've finally struck upon the word that fits these modern times: "abeyance."

    "Abeyance," as in the WWE title, is held in abeyance. As in, it is not active at the moment. 

    Did you know that's what abeyance means? Because the word was never mentioned on WWE TV before the past couple weeks. Now Triple H, Michael Cole and Randy Orton are all about it. It's one of those things—like downloading an app—that WWE isn't satisfied just to mention once.

    Suddenly, everyone starts to say the word, which just sounds like corporate gobbledygook

    It feels like Vince McMahon consulted The Ultimate Warrior for a word that sounds smart. This week "abeyance," next week "destrucity."

No. 3: 3-Week Memory Span

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    photo via wwe.com
    photo via wwe.com

    We just saw this exact same match a few weeks ago!

    On the Sept. 9 episode of Raw, Santino returned to take on Antonio Cesaro. During the match, Santino performed his usual brand of stale, bad comedy, then Cesaro swung him by his legs for 30 seconds and then Santino won with a roll-up.

    Three weeks later WWE gave it to us again. The only difference this time was that Hornswoggle and The Great Khali were involved. This actually made it much worse. 

    WWE often gives us rerun matches that first aired on SmackDown and are then brought over to Raw. We're then supposed to forget that the SmackDown match happened. But rarely is WWE so lazy that it gives us the exact same finish!

    The only thing to be thankful for was that there was no snake charming this time. There's always next week.

No. 2: I Own Your Home!

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    photo via wwe.com
    photo via wwe.com

    The Big Show is in a tough place right now.

    His mini-mall has failed, he somehow squandered the millions of dollars he's earned over the course of his career and he'll punch an old man in the face for a ham sandwich. Oh, and his wife calls up Stephanie McMahon on the phone just to talk about his small wiener. 

    Now, HHH owns his mortgage. Somehow.

    How is that legal?  

    Anyway, if people can just go around buying each other's mortgages, why don't all the wrestlers get together and buy HHH's? They don't even need to settle things in the ring from now on. It could just be a long courtroom drama where everyone buys everyone else's property without their consent. 

    I imagine the pay-per-view buyrate for that show couldn't be any worse than Battleground. 

     

No. 1: Los Matadores Debut

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    photo via wwe.com
    photo via wwe.com

    Ole! Ole! Oh...lame.

    Whenever something new happens in WWE that gives a very visceral reaction, fans will argue "just wait and see." "Give it time."

    Not with Los Matadores.

    There is no "wait and see". We just saw what the entire gimmick was going to consist of twice this week, and I'm already sick of it. 

    Did WWE learn absolutely nothing from Brodus Clay? Entrances get old. Fast.

    When Clay first debuted, his long and elaborate entrance was kind of fun for a short time. Fans were into it. Then WWE did it multiple times every single week, and it soon turned into fast-forward material.

    There was nothing else to the Brodus Clay character; it was just a fat dude who liked to dance. What more will WWE ever be able to tell us about Los Matadores to not make them one-dimensional?

    In 2013 I just don't see how two bull fighters and another little-person mascot are going to be anything interesting. Someone in management (named Vince McMahon) must laugh their head off every time they come across someone under five feet tall. 

    Someone else in management (actually, also Vince McMahon) just loves bad and horribly outdated stereotypes. 

    Sadly for fans, he has to take these weird fetishes out on the rest of us. 

    Time to kick out.

     

    Well, that's all for this week. What was your worst WWE moment of the week? Sound off below and thanks for reading!