Hulk Hogan thought wearing a thong would be wise, someone threw some dip spit at David DeJesus, a random rodent took over the Presidents Cup, and we have some things to get off of our chests.
Welcome back to another rousing edition of "No way, that really happened?" I'm your host, the guy with a short fuse and, thankfully, an outlet for that frustration.
Here is the week's complement of horrible items, hilarious and otherwise, wrapped up like a nice gift and delivered to your computer or smartphone.
Please feel free to chime in on the stories provided, or give a rant on something missing in the comments section below.
This commercial touting Hulk Hogan's new web hosting service, Hostamania, is weird, in-your-face and terrifying.
All of that is quite unfortunate because it means you can't get the images out of your head, including the moment a sultry Hulkster swings in on a wrecking ball while wearing a thong.
SportsGrid spotted this free kick from an Argentine Futsal game. Wanting to bring some creativity to the free kick, the team decides to act like an international comedy troupe and infuse slapstick into the match.
Funny? Perhaps. Needed? Absolutely not.
That defense was getting scored on no matter that they did, but we applaud them for thinking potential bodily harm was necessary here.
Thursday provided quite the wild time for a squirrel apparently named Sammy.
As multiple outlets reported, Davis Love III befriended some squirrel at the Presidents Cup, fed it some food and carried it around Muirfield.
At some point, Lindsey Vonn thought it would be a good idea to put the squirrel on her unsuspecting boyfriend, Tiger Woods.
First off, don't take wild animals and just throw them on people's shoulders. Maybe it's just me and my own personal apprehension about wild animals, but it's just creepy.
Second, who named Sammy the king of this weekend's Presidents Cup? Get a job, you freeloader.
That there is Rays outfielder David DeJesus barely missing a cup full of dip spit. We think.
Their assessment: beer.
We have to agree with Bleacher Report's Dan Carson, who surmises we have some dip spit sent to the outfield, because that is far thicker than beer.
Either way, you never throw anything at a player, and that goes double for dip spit.
Leave it to the Miami Marlins to spoil a no-hitter.
You really have to corner that people-who-want-to-pretend-they-witnessed-history market.
If that weren't enough, the team got the date wrong on those useless tickets for a game that already took place, via Deadspin.
Never change, Marlins.
We understand there is a need to be creative and shocking to attract a radio audience. And there is no denying Rick Pitino was a horrible Celtics coach—at least, he yielded less than savory results.
However, despite our own giggles, we think Fred Toucher of the Toucher & Rich show could have at least asked Pitino a question before hanging up on the man.
CBS Boston has the audio of what has to be the shortest radio interview in history, or at least one that involves a former NBA coach who went on to win a title with Louisville.
However, here is how it all went down:
Fred (Toucher): We are joined by Rick Pitino, former coach of the Celtics, current coach of the Louisville Cardinals who won the national championship. Rick Pitino, hello!
Pitino: Morning, guys.
Fred: You stink. You ruined the Celtics.
Fred then hung up and began “The Stack” segment, and the interview was over.
The Pittsburgh Pirates beat the Cincinnati Reds in the NL Wild Card game, so obviously one dude bro had to jump off the Roberto Clemente Bridge.
As Dan Carson notes, the drop was probably about 45 feet, but there is still a better use of your time than jumping off bridges, welcoming possible injury.
Just get blackout drunk like the rest of us.