Chelsea Players as Hollywood Movie Characters

Garry HayesFeatured ColumnistOctober 3, 2013

Chelsea Players as Hollywood Movie Characters

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    Image courtesy of DiscoverLosAngeles.com
    Image courtesy of DiscoverLosAngeles.com

    Chelsea already have a team packed full of famous stars—the list of heroes currently occupying the Stamford Bridge dressing room is endless.

    The Blues have their fair share of famous supporters, too, with Lord Richard Attenborough—who has two Oscars to his name—pretty much Hollywood royalty.

    But what if the Blues had a team compiled of Hollywood stars lining up for them? A team filled with characters loved—or hated for that matter—throughout the history of the movies?

    Looking at Chelsea's squad, Bleacher Report has compiled a list of Hollywood alter egos to imagine how a team of movie characters could line up for Chelsea based on the qualities of their current crop.

    Do you have any thoughts on those we may have missed? Is there a better example for Hollywood characters who mirror the qualities of any Chelsea player? Let us know in the comments section.

Jose Mourinho / Vito Corleone

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    The Godfather image courtesy of Zastavki.com
    The Godfather image courtesy of Zastavki.comHandout/Getty Images

    OK, so we've already broken the rules and we've barely got started.

    Jose Mourinho isn't a Chelsea player, but the Blues manager is such a personality of the game that it was too tempting to not mention him in a list of movie characters.

    He's a man who commands respect from those around him, a man who has a proven track record of success. He's also a man who has also found himself in hot water with the authorities at various times in his career, falling out with UEFA, the FA and footballing power brokers of Italy and Spain.

    There's only one man from Hollywood movies who can truly resemble Mourinho as a character—Don Vito Corleone, of course!

Roman Abramovich / Jackie Moon

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    Semi-Pro image courtesy of HoustonEagle.com
    Semi-Pro image courtesy of HoustonEagle.comMark Thompson/Getty Images

    Given we've mentioned Jose Mourinho in a movie character context, we couldn't forgive ourselves if we ignored Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich.

    In his 10 years in charge at Stamford Bridge, the Russian has hired and fired managers like they're going out of fashion. In total, he has employed eight different men to occupy the Chelsea hot seat, with Mourinho's return this summer making him the ninth managerial change in total.

    With Chelsea's high turnover of coaches, it has led to some suspecting Abramovich wants to run the team himself, losing patience with those he eventually deems not good enough to lead the team to glory.

    Having that in mind, there's one Hollywood character who stands out from the rest—Jackie Moon of Semi-Pro fame.

    Will Ferrell's character in the hit movie not only owned the Flint Tropics basketball team, but he was coach, player and even a singer.

    We can only suspect Abramovich must desire at least two of those roles at Stamford Bridge.

Petr Cech / Capt. Robert Hatch

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    Escape to Victory image courtesy of YanksAreComing.com
    Escape to Victory image courtesy of YanksAreComing.comIan Walton/Getty Images

    It's perhaps an easy comparison to make as they're both goalkeepers, but Chelsea's Petr Cech and Sylvester Stallone's Capt. Robert Hatch from Hollywood classic Escape to Victory share plenty of qualities.

    For instance, Hatch comes to the rescue of the Allies at various stages of their clash with the Nazi football team—something Cech is more than known for at Chelsea.

    And while Cech has overcome serious injury in his time, Hatch does the same in the movie to ensure for a satisfying ending.

Branislav Ivanovic / Ivan Drago

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    Rocky IV image courtesy of Wikipedia
    Rocky IV image courtesy of Wikipedia

    One is from Eastern Europe and a man mountain whose opponents rarely get the better of in a physical battle. The other is, well, pretty much the same.

    Branislav Ivanovic and Ivan Drago (Rocky IV) may be from Serbia and Russia, respectively, but they are one and the same when it comes to their physical attributes.

    Plenty of Premier League attackers can testify to that where Ivanovic is concerned.

John Terry / Ron Burgundy

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    Ron Burgundy image courtesy of Theq.fm
    Ron Burgundy image courtesy of Theq.fmClive Mason/Getty Images

    When at work on the pitch and doing his thing, John Terry is a leader of men—Chelsea's captain supreme. He is a player respected for his qualities and is a fine professional.

    Off the pitch, his image is a little less positive, however, with a reputation for being a Lothario, amongst others.

    Give him a tache, well-groomed hair and a freshly pressed suit from the 1970s, and he would be none other than Ron Burgundy—capable of plenty social faux pas, not to mention appearing particularly narcissistic.

David Luiz / Dr. Emmett Brown

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    Back to the Future image courtesy of Sodahead.com
    Back to the Future image courtesy of Sodahead.comIan Walton/Getty Images

    Their hair may be vaguely similar, but the resemblance between Chelsea's David Luiz and Dr. Emmett Brown—or simply Doc as he is better known to Marty McFly in Back to the Future—is uncanny.

    Both are borderline genius at their chosen craft, with Doc creating a time machine from a DeLorean car, while Luiz has an abundance of footballing talent that has seen him make 29 appearances for Brazil.

    Yet, for all their talents, the pair have a tendency to cause plenty of drama and have a habit of getting themselves into the odd sticky situation.

    Whether it be attempting a succession of Cruyff turns on the edge of his own penalty area or conceding reckless fouls, Luiz has landed himself in hot water more times throughout his career than he cares to mention. And as for Doc, well, need we remind you of Back to the Future III?

Frank Lampard / Rocky Balboa

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    Rocky image courtesy of Wikipedia
    Rocky image courtesy of Wikipedia

    It's hard to imagine that Frank Lampard was once a player considered by many as not being talented enough to make the grade at the highest level. At his boyhood club West Ham United, this was particularly the case, with fans questioning his ability.

    In fact, at one famous Q&A session with supporters, Harry Redknapp was forced to support his young nephew's talents when one fan targeted him for criticism, suggesting Lampard was only featuring for the Hammers for reasons of nepotism. You can watch the YouTube clip here.

    Well, 205 goals for Chelsea and 100 England caps tell their own story. Lampard is now rightly considered one of the finest midfielders of his generation, winning a host of titles throughout his career.

    His rise to the top is an inspiring tale—one of epic proportions. It's Rocky Balboa-esque. A tale of an unfancied sportsmen making his way to the pinnacle of his discipline.

Ramires / Forrest Gump

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    Image courtesy of GoldDerby.com
    Image courtesy of GoldDerby.com

    Starring as Forrest Gump, Tom Hanks says in the movie of the same name:

    Now you wouldn't believe me if I told you, but I could run like the wind blows. From that day on, if I was going somewhere, I was running!

    If we didn't know any better, we'd say that was Ramires' mantra.

Juan Mata, Oscar and Eden Hazard / the Three Amigos

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    Image courtesy of NikiSaleta.com
    Image courtesy of NikiSaleta.com

    Their debut season together in 2012-13 saw Chelsea's attacking trio of Juan Mata, Oscar and Eden Hazard dubbed the Three Amigos on the back of the devastation they caused most defences they came across.

    For the name alone, there can be only one set of Hollywood characters to capture the essence of their impact and that's the Three Amigos themselves—Chevy Chase, Steve Martin and Martin Short.

    That's just about where the comparison ends, however.

    Whereas the Three Amigos of the same titled movie were not only clumsy, but ineffective in most things they tried to pull off, Chelsea's equivalent are simply majestic and a put the verve in the Blues' attacking play.

     

Samuel Eto'o / Gary Dove

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    Image courtesy of Directorama.net
    Image courtesy of Directorama.net

    Whereas we thought Gary Dove of the cult movie Sexy Beast was retired from a life of crime, putting his feet up in his villa in Spain and taking things easy, it clearly turned out not to be the case when Ben Kingsley's Don Logan came onto the scene, convincing him to perform one last job.

    Now, Jose Mourinho may have his faults, but we're pretty certain he isn't borderline crazy like Logan. He clearly has the same persuasive powers though, tempting Samuel Eto'o back into the big time this season after the Cameroon striker had been resting up in Russia with Anzhi Makhachkala, earning a hefty sum for his efforts.

    Eto'o signing for Chelsea in August is pretty much his last big job in football, but will it have the same outcome as Gary Dove's in Sexy Beast?


    Garry Hayes is Bleacher Report's lead Chelsea correspondent and will be following the club from a London base throughout the 2013-14 season. Follow him on Twitter here: @garryhayes