Andre Miller must have lost a bet.
What other explanation could there possibly be for a 37-year-old man to do this to his hair?
Cannot unsee Andre Miller's new hair http://t.co/aMz7SRMzzS— Hardwood Paroxysm (@HPbasketball) October 3, 2013
Personally, I'm sticking with the theory that the 14-year veteran came out on the wrong end of a friendly wager with one of his Denver Nuggets teammates. But there are a handful of other plausible scenarios that could have given rise to this outlandish 'do.
Maybe he was tired of piling up such impressive career statistics without getting any recognition for his accomplishments.
Andre Miller will soon join the 15,000-point, 8,000 assist club. The other 7 members have been to 73 All-Star Games. Miller has been to 0.— Kelly Scaletta (@KellyScaletta) October 2, 2013
Hey, if joining that kind of exclusive club can't earn you a single All-Star invitation, maybe it's time to try to attract notice in a more direct fashion. Clearly, he's crying out for attention.
And really, there's no better way to get noticed than to emulate today's most-discussed tabloid darling. Move over Miley; Andre's looking to start trending on Twitter.
The similarities are striking, aren't they? If Miller starts eyeing wrecking balls at construction sites in Denver, we'll know exactly why. It'll just be the next phase in his journey toward pop stardom.
What's particularly strange is that we've actually seen this look from Miller before. And guess what: It looked just as weird when he sported it as a Portland Trail Blazer.
I suppose it's also possible that Miller's just getting bored. He watched the Nuggets bring in Nate Robinson over the summer, and he already knew he'd be playing behind Ty Lawson. So perhaps he saw the writing on the wall, determined he won't be seeing much playing time this year and figured he'd focus on hair experimentation.
Better yet, maybe he's letting us in on the origin of his nickname. Everyone knows Miller is known as "the Professor." Who would have ever guessed he taught cosmetology?
Admittedly, these are all far-fetched explanations. But when a grown man shows up to training camp with what are apparently called "raver buns" all over his head, logic kind of goes out the window.