Before we begin, let’s first address the elephant in the room, and not the awesome kind you yell "Roll Tide" at. Yes, NCAA Football 14 will serve as the final installment in the video game series. And yes, I am genuinely dejected about that as an adult.
There is much to be done and simulations to celebrate, however, so now is not the time for the funeral. Now is the time for more.
For those of you new to this strange weekly ritual, here’s the rundown: Using NCAA Football 14, all the weekend’s college football games are simulated. These results are not doctored—as you will see by the upset frenzy on the final slide—and each score and notable stat is reported.
After a slow start, we’re officially in midseason form. The game accurately predicted all five spotlight games the previous week, this after a solid 4-1 showing in Week 4. 9-1 in two weeks? Not bad.
For the season, it has a record of 16-9.
Shall we stay hot in Week 6? We shall.
Georgia Tech racks up 567 yards of total offense, which is too much for Miami to overcome.
Yellow Jackets quarterback Vad Lee—an NCAA Football 14 favorite—has a massive game. Lee runs for 165 yards and three scores and also adds 154 yards through the air. Running back David Sims also scores twice.
For Miami, quarterback Stephen Morris is also solid, throwing for 245 yards and a touchdown. Running back Duke Johnson rushes for 63 yards and catches four balls for 76 yards.
Paul Johnson is so excited about the upset victory he almost smiles. He stops himself, though. No need to panic.
The ACC’s most intriguing matchup of the week is a kicker fest. The second half consists of just three field goals, and the Florida State Seminoles make the final kick to win.
Jameis Winston is held in check for Florida State, throwing for 177 yards, one touchdown and two interceptions. The stable of FSU backs do find some success, however, running for 179 yards on 34 carries.
Maryland’s offense struggled as a whole, totaling just 258 yards against a defense that had its own struggles a week ago. Quarterback C.J. Brown throws for 154 yards, the lone touchdown and two interceptions in the loss.
Perhaps the most shocking development of any simulation this week is that the kickers did not miss a single field goal. WHAT DOES IT MEAN? RUN.
Notre Dame kicks the game off with a safety, and that sets the tone. The Irish defense gets its act together and shuts out Arizona State in the second half to cruise.
Tommy Rees plays well, throwing no turnovers (yeah!), while passing for 271 yards and a touchdown. The Notre Dame running game also finds some room for the second consecutive game, and Irish backs finish with 165 yards on the ground.
Arizona State quarterback Taylor Kelly struggles, throwing for 187 yards and three interceptions. The nation’s most underrated player—seriously, why aren’t we talking about him more—Marion Grice finishes with 165 yards from scrimmage.
I just can’t envision a Brian Kelly-Todd Graham handshake not ending in someone getting punched in the ribs. I’m not sure why, but stay tuned.
Northwestern opens up with a 20-3 first-quarter lead…and the game turns drastically after that. Ohio State explodes in the second quarter, and this one turns into a blowout.
Braxton Miller is masterful for the Buckeyes, throwing for 293 yards, running for 84 more and finishing with three total touchdowns. Running back Carlos Hyde also plays big, running for 96 yards and finding the end zone three times.
Northwestern scores two early defensive touchdowns, which contribute to the large early lead. But the group struggles a bit after that. Quarterback/running back/wide receiver Kain Colter—he does it all—throws for 244 yards and runs for 41 more.
And you may start your “Pat Fitzgerald to USC or Texas” rumors…now. Just kidding, you’re way past that point. Okay, you can stop now. Seriously, stop it.
Defensive struggle, you say? Not so fast, my friend. This game features 1,042 yards of offense, and Stanford’s late touchdown is the difference.
Quarterback Kevin Hogan enters the Heisman discussion, throwing for 311 yards and four touchdowns. Two of those touchdowns go to his favorite target, Ty Montgomery, who hauls in seven catches for 187 yards.
In a losing effort, Washington quarterback Keith Price is even better. Price throws for 385 yards and four touchdowns, and he also adds 33 yards on the ground. Running back Bishop Sankey continues to stay hot, running for 105 yards on 20 carries.
What’s Washington’s prize for barely losing a close game to a great team on the road? Oregon at home next weekend. No joke here. That’s just mean.
WARNING: SOME OF THE RESULTS BELOW MAY REQUIRE MEDICAL ATTENTION. PLEASE CONSULT YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE READING.
Utah 28, UCLA 24: I could actually see this. Not a bad start, NCAA.
Florida 45, Arkansas 10
Alabama 56, Georgia State 10
LSU 31, Mississippi State 17
Georgia 38, Tennessee 24
Kansas State 37, Oklahoma State 21: Well, I'm not so sure about this one. But after a loss, perhaps Oklahoma State slips up again. Bold, but fair take.
Penn State 25, Indiana 24
BYU 27, Utah State 14
Kansas 14, Texas Tech 7: Well, now we're REALLY feeling testy, I see.
Auburn 24, Ole Miss 23
Vanderbilt 28, Missouri 21
Minnesota 31, Michigan 14: Hmm...you feeling OK, NCAA?
Oklahoma 27, TCU 10
North Carolina 20, Virginia Tech 17 (OT)
Michigan State 29, Iowa 23 (OT)
Nebraska 38, Illinois 31
Syracuse 20, Clemson 17 (OT): Oh. Well, I, uh...
Baylor 17, West Virginia 14
Oregon 38, Colorado 14
Temple 28, Louisville 27: Hey, it's been a rough week for the game. Just lay off. [phones ambulance]