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Utah's Larry Krystkowiak Is a Bike Thief's Worst Nightmare

LAS VEGAS, NV - MARCH 15:  Head coach Larry Krystkowiak of the Utah Utes calls out in the first half while taking on the Oregon Ducks during the semifinals of the Pac-12 tournament at the MGM Grand Garden Arena on March 14, 2013 in Las Vegas, Nevada.  (Photo by Jeff Gross/Getty Images)
Jeff Gross/Getty Images
Gabe ZaldivarPop Culture Lead WriterSeptember 30, 2013

Someone get this guy a cape, cowl and Batmobile he can use while stopping crime around the Utah campus. 

The Salt Lake Tribune's Tony Jones (h/t The Big Lead) reports on a story that should have would-be bike thieves cowering in fear, and that goes double for anyone pilfering smartphones

According to the report, Utes men's basketball head coach Larry Krystkowiak saw a peculiar sight: a man riding a bike while holding onto another. 

Rather than ignore the oddity and head off to work as he was at 7:30 a.m. on Saturday morning, he decided to get some answers. 

LAS VEGAS, NV - MARCH 13:  Utah Utes head coach Larry Krystkowiak cheers his team on in the second half against the USC Trojans during the first round of the Pac 12 Tournament at the MGM Grand Garden Arena on March 13, 2013 in Las Vegas, Nevada. Utah defe
Jeff Gross/Getty Images

It turns out the man not only had two bikes, but he also had a bag containing five stolen phones. Like Dirty Harry, Krystkowiak gave his detainee an ultimatum.  

The guy asked me if I was going to chase him if he attempted to run. I told him that if he tried to run, I was going to chase him and tackle him. Honestly, I was hoping that he’d run. I guess a good thief would’ve run before I caught up to him.

As Jones reminds, Krystkowiak is a former NBA forward who stands 6'9", which explains why this alleged bike thief would hang around while the police were called. 

It's one thing to get caught with incriminating evidence, but it's quite another to get caught and get smashed to the ground by a former power forward bruiser. We like to think he chose wisely. 

Krystkowiak would also like the rest of you bumping around with property that doesn't belong to you to take notice. He went ahead and boasted about his accomplishment on Twitter, giving you all a fair warning. 

Most of us consider hitting the snooze button the start of a very promising weekend. Not this guy. 

The 49-year-old coach continued, "He started telling me all kinds of stories. I guess it was a good way to start the day."

You might kick off the day by drinking some coffee. Krystkowiak prefers the stronger and far more delicious taste of justice being done. 


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