Tim Tebow and Moscow Black Storm Are a Match Made in Comedic Heaven

Gabe ZaldivarPop Culture Lead WriterSeptember 17, 2013

Tim Tebow isn't the quarterback the Moscow Black Storm necessarily need or deserve. We just think it would be swell if the former NFL QB played in Russia for all the giggles it would provide. 

The Chicago Tribune reported this week that Tebow is still very much in demand as a quarterback; he just might have to dial back what he considers to be choice amenities for a star signal-caller. 

The report states the team wants Tebow to play in two playoff games for $1 million dollars in compensation. According to the report, the NFL free agent is keen, but his agents are not. 

While they think playing for the Black Storm is a bad look, we think otherwise. It turns out YouTube is plentiful with actual footage of the Black Storm, affording us a glimpse of what life would be like for Tebow in Russia. 

Come on a brief jaunt with me across the world to a wonderful land where the players are freezing and the fans, well, I think someone forgot to inform the fans they were playing. 

Here is a brief list of the pros and cons of Tebow playing in Russia. 



Fantastic Practice Facilities 

If you need to get some reps in, just meet the team at the practice facilities. But watch out for the cars. Actually, if the Black Storm care about their automobiles, they might ask Tebow to sit out the practices.

Sadly, James Bond doesn't come barreling through the game as he tries to flee from danger. Trust me, I've watched the video 15 times expecting just that. 


Real Men Don't Need Locker Rooms

What? Are you a fancy boy who needs a locker room to get dressed? In Russia, they prepare for the game like true warriors—on the stairs and right next to the Coke vending machines. 

Laugh all you want, but if that thing has Fanta, we are all winners.  


You Can Count the Number of Fans

One of the more annoying things in sports is when they announce a sellout when one obviously doesn't exist. Thankfully, we can literally count how many people are in the stands for these games. 

It's like a game within a game. 



Russian Whistles Are Dangerous 

Take a looksie at No. 1 in this video. At the 16-second mark, the whistle sounds the play dead, and the player drops like someone unplugged him. Did one of you unplug him?

A firm wag of the finger is in order for the rest of the players who don't bother checking on their buddy who just passed out. 

Unfortunately, we have no closure on the matter, and this will remain a great Internet mystery. Hopefully, he was just really sleepy. 


They Already Have a Tebow

We smell quarterback controversy. Actually, if these are the kinds of throws they have over in Russia, Tebow is as good as in the Hall of Fame—if they have one of those. They probably have it next to the vending machines. 

Regardless, we had difficulty deciding if this video was more of a pro or a con. You can never have too many southpaws floating balls into the sidelines. 


No Seasons

Much like Los Angeles and South Florida, it seems this oasis has only one season. Unfortunately, judging by the bros trying to keep warm, the temperatures seem to range between North Pole and Hoth. 


Trees Commit Suicide from Depression

This tree here just dies in the background. There doesn't seem to be a strong wind or the sound of anyone chopping wood. What we get is a big tree just giving up on being a tree, toppling over in one of the saddest moments ever captured on the Internet. 

The fact that it was captured in some random video has me confident trees are just falling over from boredom all over Russia. 

It seems the cons have it, 4-3. Of course, we will keep the polling open for you to offer your own personal take in the comments section below. 

We say forget this list and book your now, Tebow. There is an entire world out there just waiting for you. 

But pack a jacket and stay away from trees while you are over there. 


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