If you were to look up "douche bag" in the (urban) dictionary, you'd find a picture of Sean Avery. He is the ultimate douche. The lowest of the low. I hate him.
And that's why I want to see him become a Toronto Maple Leaf.
Avery has been all over the news for his most recent antics on Sunday night against Martin Brodeur and the New Jersey Devils. If you haven't seen Avery's latest douche-baggery, check it out, because it's pretty unbelievable what this guy is capable of.
Pretty wild shit, eh? Not only did Avery screen Brodeur in a way no player ever has before, he ended up scoring on Marty after the fact. Salt in the wounds, man. And there isn't a worse goal-scoring celebration out there than Avery's. Dude is incorrigible.
The only people who can stand Avery and his shenanigans are his teammates and New York Rangers fans.
Avery's the type of guy everyone hates. Unless he plays for your team. Then you love him. He is Darcy Tucker, circa 1998, on steroids.
I wasn't too fond of Tucker back in those days when he was with the Tampa Bay Lightning. I remember a game against Toronto, back in good old Maple Leaf Gardens, where Tucker took a run at Mats Sundin. Steve Thomas came to the defense of the Captain and dropped the gloves with the feisty Tucker.
Suffice it to say that after that game Tucker was enemy number one around these parts. Until he was traded to Toronto. I couldn't have been happier the day he became a Maple Leaf. Once in the blue and white, Tucker quickly became one of my favorites.
As much as I hate Sean Avery, I know I'd love him in a Leafs uniform. Hell, I'd worship the cat. Admit it, you would too.
We all hate the Tuckers, the Boogards, and the Averys until they put on the uniform we cherish. Say what you want about Avery, but he's great at what he does. Nobody can get more under the skin of his opponents than super douche Sean Avery. It's a gift. He's the type of guy you hate to play against but would love to have on your side.
On far too many nights the last three years, the Maple Leafs have been way too easy to play against. Especially on home ice. Avery's presence in the Leafs lineup would change that. No one likes to play against him. He chirps and chirps and chirps, even in the pre-game warm up (as we learned back in November).
Avery draws the ire of everyone around him, from coaches to players and even play-by-play announcers. He even pisses Don Cherry off, and Cherry loves a good shit disturber.
While he is by far the biggest trash-talker in the league, Avery has proven he can play. He's a major reason why New York has a 2-1 series lead over New Jersey in their quarterfinal series. Avery's scored in each game so far, one of them a game-winner, and has added an assist.
Not only does Avery piss you off with his extra-curricular activities, he's all over the score sheet to boot.
Avery tallied 48 goals in the last three regular seasons, and put up a career-high 48 points with Los Angeles and New York in 2006-07. This season he scored 15 goals in 57 games. Yep, that's as many as Jason Blake potted—and in 25 fewer games.
16 comments Last one added about 1 year ago — Leave a Comment
Brandon Hillis about 1 year ago
Oh god how I hate myself for saying it, but I agree with you, especially since Tucker no longer seems to have that fire in hie eyes. The only thing is that with Tucker and Blake (who, I agree, is a complete waste of space) its tough to fit in a winger like Avery; one, or both of those guys is going to have to go.
I would obviously like to see Blake go because hes a 4million (or is it 5?) dollar waste of salary-cap space, but really if you're going to get Avery, Tucker needs to go to, in order to both give Avery a defined role as a top six agitator and to keep the dressing room from falling apart; Tucker is a popular Leaf, and if him and Avery were in the same locker room, you can bet that Tucker would be making sure that Avery doesn't exactly get a heroes welcome (getting rid of Blake would also help make Avery's enterance into the TML locker room easier)
The only thing is, and while you have shown that the NYR have a way better record when Avery is in the line-up, that from my understanding, even his own teammates don't like him, something that would have to come into consideration.
That being said, I begrudgingly agree with you that Avery would be a *groan* good pick-up for the Leafs, but, if it was possible, I would prefer a guy like Alexandre Burrows of the Vancouver Canucks, but thats another debate for another day.
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Tracey Olson about 1 year ago
I agree Sean Avery is super douche-tastic! I think he is classless and a disgrace to the game of hockey. He's a good player, I won't take that from him but he acts bush league! I have a deep love for the game of hockey and can honestly say that if he ended up on my team I would shut the t.v. off and never watch again.
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Ian Verhey about 1 year ago
he's the kind of player you can only love when he's on your team, thats for sure.
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Anthony Constable about 1 year ago
Doesn't play for Ottawa and I am pretty fond of him really.
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Shawn Sieiro about 1 year ago
Navin you read my mind.
I have Avery, Tucker, Brashear as my fourth line in my Maple Leafs team on NHL '08.
And they do splendid together too. :)
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Tom DeMatteo about 1 year ago
As a Rangers fan, I hope the Leafs do buy out Tucker's contract. He would be a welcome addition on Broadway. As for what Avery did, I just don't see the big deal. Did he use his stick as a weapon (as Mary Brodeur did to Avery in that sequence)? No. Did he punch a ref, spit on a little girl in the stands (sorry Sir Charles), get caught on national TV swearing like it was a "Dice" Clay show (like Devils winger Jim Rupp did on Sunday)? No. Did he do something perfectly within the rule of hockey (no matter what Colin 'Hugo Chavez' Campbell thinks)? Yes. By the reaction, I think if he had actually made contact with Mary Brodeur, he would have been kicked out of the league and been made to sit through tapes of every Democratic presidential debate so far.
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MJ Kasprzak about 1 year ago
If they have to create a rule for you, it's because basic sportsmanship prevented them from considering someone might try that crap. It's not just about the final score--as Vince Lombardi frequently (but less famously) said, "it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game." If it weren't for Avery and Ken Stabler bowling for a touchdown, the league wouldn't need those rules created, 'cause no one else was so much of a jerk to need the rule. I would have whistled him for unsportsmanlike conduct without the rule 'cause that's what it was, plus at first it looked like he gonna whack Marty.
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MJ Kasprzak about 1 year ago
I actually just said to a coworker about an hour ago that I can't stand this guy, but he is just what the Sharks need--an agitator with skill. I don't totally agree with the idea that a hated guy becomes beloved once he dons your sweater: I am still uncomfortable with Jody Shelley as a Shark. If they got Todd Bertuzzi I would stop rooting for them. But I actually love Tucker--he pushes things a bit but is not dirty on the level of an Avery--because he also has skill.
By the way, I would like to make a case for keeping the articles clean. Most of us are adults, but I would want my kids to be able to come to this site if they were old enough to understand but not necessarily old enough to see an "R" rated movie. Please use euphamisms (?) like crap and jerk.
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Andrew Castaneda about 1 year ago
Navin, you have it right on.
Everyone hates Avery until he's on your team, then he's a saviour.
As for the language, I have to say I have to disagree MJ. I personally subscribe to the old sports writer trick of saying the word without saying it , but Avery is a douche, and he is a shit disturber, and I applaud the writer for calling a spade a spade.
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Nick Healey about 1 year ago
Avery's presence on Toronto would surely help solidify them as the most hated team in the NHL (or sports?) and as a Leaf fan, I'd love to see it happen, but while Tucker and Blake are there I feel like Avery might make for an awkward split in the dressing room after the whole thing that happened in that pre-game skate.
nevertheless... great player, would be an awesome Leaf, good article.
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Abby Pond about 1 year ago
Spade. Spade.
Go Leafs Go.
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eyebleaf about 1 year ago
thanks for the feedback ladies and gentlemen. appreciate it, as always. i think there's something to be said about "it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game," but at the end of the day i think avery wants to win, and he'll do whatever he can in order to do that. even zach parise of the devils said something along the lines of "i'm not going to praise avery for what he did, but it was definitely creative"...
the fact that avery has skill is what separates him from the completely useless fourth-liner's in hockey...like the brashear's and boogard's and shelley's...i don't really have much time for those guys...but avery, man, he's so annoying that i want him on my team...and i think that's the best compliment you can give a guy...i was explaining to my co-worker that for the opposition a visit to toronto to play the leafs is a walk in the park...it wouldn't be so with avery in the blue and white...the opposition would be thinking "oh god, we have to play avery again."
just imagine avery in a leafs uni against the ottawa senators 8 times a year...oh mylanta, it's a beautiful thought...
and MJ, your comment about keeping the articles clean...i completely understand your point, and i think it could have been worse. i know in my other articles i have used the four letter word starting with f and ending in k...while blogging is more opinionated and colorful, i'll try to keep it as clean as possible...
and nick, as for the tucker/blake and avery split in the room...i think pro athletes, especially hockey players, have a way of ptuting things behind them once they find themselves on the same team...it's all about competition...and hockey's beautiful because at the end of a 7 game series, where you want to rip your opponents head off, you line up and shake hands and say congratulations, or good luck the rest of the way...ain't no other sport like that...in the cup final, the opposition waits and watches while the winning team celebrates winning the stanley cup...how awful must that be for the losing team...but they wait, and then shake hands...it's freaking beautiful...anyway, i have no doubt that avery, blake and tucker could survive, and thrive, on the leafs...
thanks for reading, folks. cheers.
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boom-boom norman about 1 year ago
Avery is a low-life.
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Derek Harmsworth about 1 year ago
Navin, I have been saying this for a while, the Leafs need Avery for sure this offseason.
If I were the Leafs GM though, I would have to hear it from him that A) he didn't make the supposed comments to Blake some people say he did, and
B) he didn't make the racial slur to Laraque a few years back.
But agreed, sign him up. Hes a pest who can score. We need that.
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Derek Harmsworth about 1 year ago
Navin, I have been saying this for a while, the Leafs need Avery for sure this offseason.
If I were the Leafs GM though, I would have to hear it from him that A) he didn't make the supposed comments to Blake some people say he did, and
B) he didn't make the racial slur to Laraque a few years back.
But agreed, sign him up. Hes a pest who can score. We need that.
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derek pye about 1 year ago
PLEASE.........avery in a maple leaf uniform would be a disgrace nto the team and city , we may as well bring back John Brophy as well....when are leaf fans going to realize that smart , skilled ,fast hockey players are the only thing that will improve the leafs future ? Players like avery and tucker are a disgrace to the league and a distraction from true talent. What has tucker done for the leafs ? do you really think avery is going to put the rangers in the final ? ha ha ha .
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