I often notice that a lot of male hockey fans drag their girlfriends to games. These are the girls/women staring up at the rafters and chewing gum. They go to the bathroom at least 10 times during the game. They consume a lot of diet sodas and even more hot dogs.
Why don't these same guys date women who actually enjoy hockey. They're out there. She doesn't have to be a fan of your team. So what she doesn't like the Oilers? Suck it up.
Believe me, they're useful, oddly entertaining, and make for good conversation.
1. If you consider yourself unlucky enough to have not seen a single player from your team out on the town, start dating a DFHF. They recognize players. Female fans automatically note down what a player looks like before anything else.
If she's a DFHF, this means she can probably recognize every player on her team, and quite a few from other teams. Think something along the lines of spotting Paul Mara from 50 yards away in a dimly lit room.
2. They remember things that don't seem important at all, until they prove useful to you at your greatest hour of need. "Huh, Biron isn't starting. He's played great in his last few starts...What is Stevens thinking?!"
"I think he's at the hospital with his wife. Isn't she supposed to give birth soon?" Crisis averted. They also remember ages, birthdays, heights, and weights.
3. DFHFs are cheap dates. Let's rephrase. They should be cheap dates. I pay for my own tickets. If she's a big enough fan, she'll pay for her own ticket, too. My mother's game diet consists of one beer and a bag of Twizzlers.
I don't eat anything at games, usually because I'm too busy telling Colton Orr to clean the ice with Eric Godard's face. DFHFs keep it simple because they'd rather watch the game than text their BFF.
So next time you look over at the woman in the seat next to you and hear her say "Icing? Tahahahaha, like on a cake..." before calling friend Bonnie for the 11th time, trade her in for one who says "Icing? On us? ****!" and flips off the officials.
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