Stuff like this would be funny if it wasn't so weird. And scary.
Who was the first person who thought it would be a good idea to create an enormous Subway sandwich in the likeness of, for example, Ndamukong Suh? Or Robert Griffin III? Who decided to create a pinata that looks exactly like Johnny Manziel?
In terms of artistry, these creations are top-notch.
I, for one, never imagined a sandwich could look like an NFL defensive tackle. But clearly, I was mistaken. It's a lot more difficult to create an image of a football player with lunch meat than with pencils or ink. So for that, these people deserve props. (Though the comic-esque drawings and tattoos are pretty cool, too.)
Still, this stuff is weird to look at.
It is beyond comprehension why anyone would ever want a diamond necklace of Marquis Daniels' face—unless, of course, you are Marquis Daniels.
Now it makes much more sense.
The guard/forward, who has spent most of his 10-year NBA career as a backup, spent his hard-earned cash on this absurd 3D pendant of his own face, complete with the requisite dreadlocks made of out chain links.
Surely, he will never regret purchasing that work of art.
Remember that extremely brief period of time when it seemed like there was still hope that Tim Tebow might develop into a viable NFL quarterback?
Yeah, it's hard for me, too. But it's even harder for this guy, who will be reminded of it every time he looks in the mirror for the rest of his life.
Juan Contreras, a very unfortunate loser of a cruel, cruel bet, was forced to tattoo a centaur image of Tim Tebow clutching a football on his upper thigh. He wagered with a Tebow-supporting friend that there was no way the QB could win five or more games during the 2011 season.
Very, very sadly, he was mistaken.
The breakout star of the most recent season of Hard Knocks proved one thing: No, it wasn't that he deserved a spot on an NFL roster. It was that he can draw.
Aaron Maybin got cut from the Bengals this summer, but he has no reason to hang his head because his artwork—which was prominently featured on the HBO show—has been selling through the roof since his dismissal from the team.
I can only envy the lucky fan who came away with the above self-portrait Maybin created.
Keep in mind that in the category of Subway-sandwiches-made-to-look-like-athletes, the one gifted to C.J. Spiller is probably the worst of the bunch. And it's still pretty good.
Before he was selected in the first round of the 2010 NFL draft, Subway gave Spiller the gift of a lifetime: a ginormous sandwich that looked like him. What more could you want in life?
The work of art was unveiled in April 2010 and mostly features over 1,000 slices of pepperoni to offer the illusion of skin, as well as olives to represent hair and facial hair.
No, it doesn't really look like him at all. But it's the thought that counts.
Why would anyone want a tattoo of Davis Love III? It is one of the great mysteries of life.
This particular tat appears on the arm of one loyal Deadspin reader, who was so excited about the body art he acquired in June 2013 that he couldn't resist emailing a picture of it to his favorite website.
According to the owner of the tattoo, the decision to add on the DLIII signature was because he was worried nobody would know who the tattoo was supposed to represent.
Definitely a valid fear.
In case there was any doubt, David Wells really, really loves the Babe.
The now-retired MLB pitcher, who famously made two stints with the New York Yankees during the course of his 21-year career, idolizes the most legendary player in the history of baseball. After all, David Wells is the man who once wore a $35,000 Babe Ruth hat during a game when he was pitching.
Wells loves the Babe so much that he got a tattoo of himself pitching to his hero. He at least gets points for creativity.
Making a pinata that resembles a human is a difficult feat to accomplish. So let's give credit where credit is due: Otey's Tavern in Mountain Brook, Alabama.
The bar, which is obviously right in the middle of the prime territory of one of Texas A&M's chief SEC rivals, filled the festive pinata with prizes and gift cards.
The attention to detail in the creation is really astounding. "Johnny Pinata" is holding a Sharpie so he can sign plenty of autographs. He's also holding a wad of cash. His face is covered with pimples. His jersey number is shaped like a dollar sign.
Bravo, Otey's Tavern. Bravo.
It is easy to understand why a football fan would want to tattoo him or herself with the image of the most famous brothers in the NFL.
Who doesn't love the Mannings? They're funny. They make funny faces when they do stupid things. They create hilarious commercials. Sometimes, they even win stuff.
Appropriately, this fan's tattoo represents everything we love about the Mannings. It features Eli giving Peyton a noogie, and it resides on this passionate Giants fan's butt.
Sadly, though, Cooper didn't make the cut.
At least it makes sense to tattoo a giant image of Kobe Bryant's face along the length of your calf.
At least Kobe Bryant is going to end his career as one of the best ever. At least he's the face of the Lakers. At least people can look at that tattoo and identify the person it represents.
This hardcore Lakers fan sent an image of his new ink to TerezOwens.com in 2011. He should be proud of it.
Bubba Watson just seems like the kind of guy you'd want to tattoo on yourself. He's a bro, he raps, he wins a major every once in a while and he doesn't take himself too seriously. In fact, he would probably be psyched to learn that an adoring fan had tattooed his likeness on his or her calf.
A fan in Germany inked himself with a large image of Watson holding his driver and proudly sported it at the BMW International Open, where the Twitterverse got a hold of it.
And unlike the weird Davis Love tattoo we featured earlier, PGA.com's John Holmes points out that there's no doubt about whom this one represents: The pink driver and the Ping hat give it all away.
Like a select few of his NFL counterparts, Jarvis Jones got the ultimate reward when he finally made it big: a sandwich in his likeness.
The former Georgia linebacker and 2013 first-round draft pick was honored with a sandwich bust that was supposed to look like him as part of Subway's now infamous Famous Fan series. The effort was solid, but mostly, this thing is scary—just like all the others.
Extra points for creativity are in order, though: The face is constructed out of chicken salad, and the cornrows are made of raisins.
What do you do when your favorite team in the world acquires a superstar player who could totally change the direction of the franchise?
Usually you say a few words on Twitter. You might even have a celebratory beverage with friends. One Seattle Sounders fan (who even knew they existed?) one-upped everyone, though, when the team announced it had acquired former Tottenham star Clint Dempsey.
This fan got a tattoo of Dempsey's face. Not only did he get a tattoo of Dempsey's face, but he got it right on his neck, where the whole world will be able to see it forever and ever.
Good luck with that.
When Mark Ingram became the first running back selected in the 2011 NFL draft, it was worth celebrating.
And as we have learned, nobody celebrates like Subway. In honor of the former Alabama running back, the sandwich chain once again created a ginormous bust of him made out of lunch meat.
Does it look anything like him? Of course not. This one, in fact, might be the worst of the worst. But once again, Subway really worked hard to get the desired freakish effect: Its primary ingredients are chicken salad, golden raisins, cranberries, apples, celery and bread, according to Yahoo! Sports.
Once it was clear that Stephon Marbury's days in the NBA were numbered, he did what any good aging NBA player would do: He took his talents abroad.
In the U.S., Marbury is best known for his ego, his strange tattoos and his participation in Big Pun's Whatcha Gonna Do video. In China, he is best known for being the Starbury he always knew he could be. The point guard, who is still playing for the Beijing Ducks at the age of 36, has attracted quite the fan following in his new homeland.
However, there are few fans who are as intense as this one, who tattooed Marbury's face on his leg along with the caption, "Love is Love."
It is not at all shocking that Baltimore fans' love for Ray Lewis borders upon sycophantic. He's Ray Lewis. If you've ever heard him speak, you know his goal in life is to attract crazed followers who will carry his nonsensical gospels far and wide across the land.
The now-retired Ravens linebacker—who firmly established himself as one of the best ever during the course of his 17-year career, capping off his stellar run with his second Super Bowl victory last February—has legions of devoted fans, but only one (that we know of) has the two-headed Ray Lewis tattooed on his calf.
I present to you to JD, a Ravens fan who plastered one leg with this intense image of Lewis and plans to plaster the other leg with an equally intense image of Deion Sanders.
It seems that the more athlete busts Subway creates, the less and less it cares about whether the bust actually resembles an athlete or some kind of decaying corpse.
When it came time to create the likeness of 2010 first-round draft pick Ndamukong Suh, Subway was either out of ideas or just didn't care anymore. The "human meat sandwich" you see above mainly features pepperoni and olives. Sounds like a delectable creation to me.
The fact that his bust looks like it's dying, though, doesn't seem to bother Suh. And that's all that matters.
Doubtlessly, there are lots of fans worldwide who have, at this point, tattooed LeBron James' face on themselves. He's LeBron. He's the King. His Heat will probably be as good as Jordan's Bulls someday, at least if you ask LeBron.
LeBron is precisely the type of superstar who attracts crazy fans like this guy, who inked his idol's face on his leg. The only problem is, it doesn't really look like LeBron at all.
Interestingly enough, this Nathan Blackhall of South Florida got this tattoo before LeBron won either of his NBA championships. That is confidence. And that confidence paid off, because LeBron saw the dude's tattoo on Twitter and retweeted it, along with the message, "Oh damn! That's how u feel. I appreciate the love."
The award for the ugliest, weirdest-looking Subway sculpture ever created goes to Robert Griffin III—or the people who created this creature that was supposed to look like him.
In this creation's defense, it probably is the most realistic-looking of all of the Subway monstrosities. That's not saying much, but still—worth noting.
Subway unveiled this masterpiece prior to the 2012 NFL draft. It was constructed with love out of barbecue chicken, peppers (hair), garlic (teeth) and more. Griffin himself was pretty pleased by it, telling USA Today (via Deadspin), "All you can do is laugh. We like to call it RGIII 1/2."