One day isn't enough for LeBron James to celebrate his impending nuptials—he needs three.
Details of his wedding this coming weekend are supposed to be "top secret," so naturally we know everything there is to know. Well, almost everything.
According to the New York Post, LeBron and his bride-to-be, Savannah Brinson, will say "I do" in San Diego at one of two hotels:
Speculation is that the wedding will be held at either the Grand Del Mar or Hotel Del Coronado. The pair, who have dated since high school, got engaged Dec. 31, 2011, and have two children, LeBron Jr. and Bryce.
Sources tell us James is planning a smaller wedding than what would normally be expected of an NBA All-Star’s nuptials. “He cut the list down because he didn’t want to have 1,000 people at the wedding,” said one source. It’s also likely to be smaller because it will take place during the Jewish day of atonement, Yom Kippur. But the guest list will still number in the hundreds, we’re told.
Sources also told the Post that the weekend-long festivities will begin with a Friday-night barbecue before the afternoon wedding on Saturday. Cocktails, dinner and "dancing to DJs and possibly a live band" are expected to follow.
Those planning to crash this wedding have been warned. Not only must you choose between the Grand Del Mar or Hotel Del Coronado, you must then slip through LeBron's security detail, which I imagine will be headlined by Leroy Jethro Gibbs and various suits armed with tasers.
Once you sneak into the fortress, you'll then have to blend in. Normally that would be difficult at a more intimate ceremony, but LeBron and I clearly disagree on what can be considered quaint.
Inviting 1,000 of your closest friends definitely wouldn't make for a cozy wedding, but a guest list that still includes a few hundred people isn't the ingredient mellow affairs are made from, either.
The problem with fitting in stems from the contents of the guest list. You have to make yourself look famous, not scarce.
Per the report, LeBron's attendees will include Dwyane Wade, his boo and actress Gabrielle Union, Chris Paul, Carmelo Antony and his wife La La, Miami Heat president Pat Riley, and coach Erik Spoelstra.
At the risk of being too presumptuous, I'd hazard Chris Bosh will also be making an appearance. Each member of the Big Three has to be at this wedding. They just have to, right? If Bosh isn't, rampant trade rumors will ensue almost immediately.
My nonexistent sources also tell me Nazr Mohammed just missed the cut.
To close out the weekend, guests will apparently indulge in a "farewell brunch" on Sunday, at which point LeBron and Savannah can begin their lavish life together as husband and wife.
Congratulations are now in order for The King. May your wedding remain (relatively) private and your tuxedo look way better than anything Psy has ever worn.