Ranking Metta World Peace's 15 Best Tweets of the Summer
Metta is also the most colorful Twitter personality in the NBA. He has shot out over 3,000 tweets since the season ended, which often contain original thoughts from his bizarre, beautiful mind.
After his Los Angeles Lakers were eliminated in the first round, Metta spent the rest of the postseason dropping online wisdom. We'll include playoff tweets in the rankings, since he was already on summer vacation.
15. When He Avoided Being Trapped as a Gecko
The intellectual in me says Metta was trying to create a modern-day version of Franz Kafka's The Metamorphasis. The biologist in me says Metta doesn't know the difference between a gecko and a lizard.
The realist in me says Metta is insane, or at least forgot to mention that he had a dream.
14. When His Pet Rhino Became Depressed
Honestly, owning a rhinoceros is a Grade-A baller move. William Randolph Hearst would be proud.
Of course, if Metta really had a rhino smashing his house down on the daily, he would be in the hospital and the media would make him out to be Siegfried and Roy 2.0.
It's okay Metta, we've all been there. No one can play Jumanji forever.
13. When He Had LeBron's Back
LeBron badly wants the Defensive Player of the Year award, and Metta is the only non-big man to win over the last 16 years.
Never mind that Metta made one of history's greatest artists sound like he worked Play-Doh. The tweet was a respectful move from one defensive small forward to another.
12. When He Quit Twitter...Briefly
Any guesses how long it took Metta to fire up another tweet? A week? Two days? Four hours?
Nope, Metta shot out another tweet just 51 minutes later saying "Twitter is my stability." If this is stable for Metta, I can't imagine the hilarity/terror of unstable.
He pulls this same stunt all the time, always threatening to become a Twitter quitter. Never in a million years.
11. When He Almost Changed His Name Again
He may be 30 percent body fat, but Metta has a well-professed love for healthy supermarkets like Whole Foods and Trader Joes.
While Metta revealed plans to change his name again in an interview with Clevver News, he said the back of his jersey would read "World Peace" until retirement. If not "Whole Foods Guacamole Dip," he would have picked Ray Allen's character from He Got Game or "Metta Macchiato."
10. When He Decided Changing His Name Was a Little Drastic
Yeah, that's not any better...
I feel like Metta is the NBA version that one kid in middle school who wore the same stain-covered sweatshirt every day even though his family was loaded.
The man is going to make over $1.5 million this season. Could he really not afford another pair of socks? Think of how appalled Albus Dumbledore would be.
9. When He Dealt with Being Amnestied Like a Pro
When Metta was amnestied by the Lakers on July 11, he didn't sit around and mope. If Los Angeles was getting rid of him, he would get rid of his possessions.
Metta also spun a tale about his favorite burger joint called "My Favorite Burger" amnestying their whole grain buns. The imaginary restaurant had surpassed their salary cap by signing some lettuce.
Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. This is not one of those times.
8. When He Told a Story About Racist Price Tags
The above tweet is just the end of the story. Uproxx's Brandon Stroud has the full play-by-play.
Metta shattered a glass display case with his elbow, ripped off about 65 deli price tags because he thought they were condescending towards blacks, argued with a one-toothed man over text and stood up to the man's twerking.
7. When He Told the World About His Health Problems
ESPN shows Metta's playing weight is indeed 260 pounds, so he's not making that part up. If his 30 percent body fat is true, he'll be riding the Knicks' bench next season.
BuiltLean's Marc Perry said a male athlete should be 6—13 percent fat. Anything over 25 percent is considered obese.
Metta has posted pictures of him looking toned throughout the summer, so it's safe to assume he was just kidding. Knicks fans who remember the days of Eddy Curry can breath a sigh of relief.
6. When He Orchestrated the Hunt for the Next Phil Jackson
Let's eliminate some guys right off the bat. Fat Joe, Brian McKnight and Cam'ron haven't been big-name artists for a while, though "Terror Squad" is a great nickname for a defense.
Players wouldn't be able to understand Lil Wayne's instructions, though I would pay to watch him call out plays with Auto-Tune.
The best coach would be the man who doesn't fit in: Jack Nicholson. Metta included the 76-year-old actor because he knows Nicholson has picked up some basketball knowledge from decades of Laker games.
5. When He Channelled His Inner Forrest Gump
4. When He Decided to Switch Sports
Come to think of it, Metta would actually make a pretty good hockey player when he isn't in the penalty box. He's has a propensity for contact and is used to being his team's goon.
Because Metta World Peace is exactly like Michael Jordan.
3. When He Defined Wealth
Only peasants think wealth means stacks of cash, houses around the world and garages full of luxury cars. To Metta and GOB Bluth, wealth is measured in honey and bees.
I'm guessing Metta has never actually had a frozen honey bath, because he'd still be stuck in there like Han Solo in carbonite. Getting out of a normal honey bath would be difficult enough, but frozen honey seems nearly impossible.
2. When He Invented a Disgusting New Snack
Metta could have theoretically been talking about O.J. Mayo, who played one season at USC. But considering Metta and Mayo have no history and are eight years apart in age, he was probably talking about mayonnaise popcorn.
Whether he used a smartphone or a computer, Metta needed Internet access to send out this tweet. Instead of checking a sports website for the score like a normal person, he had some of his 743,881 followers give him the answers.
1. When He Revealed His True Feelings for Pat Riley
But Metta's preferences aside, Riley is not going to be the next James Bond.
Respected veterans like Ray Allen have talked politics and literature with Riley. Metta probably felt like he was missing out, and went for a power move.
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