NCAA Football 14 is just loosening up its arm, that’s all.
The simulation went a respectable 3-2 in Week 1, a solid debut but still slightly below what many have grown to expect from the game’s ultimate future decider.
Still, even in the midst of an average performance, the game showed flashes of brilliance. It predicted that LSU would win over TCU by scoring 38 points—the Tigers scored 37. It also forecast that Alabama would be victorious over Virginia Tech with 35 points—Nick Saban’s team scored 33 in the win.
That’s just an appetizer, however. This is where it gets rolling. Consider that the game's pep talk.
For those new to the exercise, here’s the rundown: Using the powers of the video game NCAA Football 14, all games from the college football weekend are simulated. The results are not doctored or altered in any way, which will become evident with some of the scores included in Week 2.
As for those results...
Virginia not only covers the monstrous spread, but it nearly upsets one of the nation’s top teams. The Cavaliers also outgain the Ducks in total offense, just like everyone predicted.
Oregon quarterback Marcus Mariota throws for 185 yards, runs for 70 yards and adds two touchdowns. Human cheat code De’Anthony Thomas runs for 89 yards on 10 carries and also catches three passes for 72 yards.
Virginia QB David Watford improves a great deal from Week 1, throwing for 280 yards and two touchdowns. Wideout Tim Smith catches seven balls for 139 yards and a touchdown in the loss. A late interception, however, ends it for the Cavaliers.
Well, NCAA Football 14 has already downed a bottle of wine. It hasn't insulted all of the houseguests, however, so there's no need to break out the bottled water.
This one isn’t close. Texas outgains BYU by more than 225 yards in total offense, and it’s over by halftime.
Longhorn QB David Ash isn’t all that sharp, throwing for 154 yards, a touchdown and an interception. The Texas running backs, however, are beastly, and Johnathan Gray, Joe Bergeron and Malcolm Brown rush for 235 yards combined (6.4 yards per carry average) and three scores.
BYU quarterback Taysom Hill completes only 8-of-28 passes for 66 yards. He does throw a touchdown, but he also adds three interceptions. BYU running backs total 127 yards on 33 carries.
“Is Texas back?! Find out next on pretty much every sport site ever that will undoubtedly ask this ridiculous, unanswerable question.”
The Florida offense has gone mad. Well, sort of. The Gators score two defensive touchdowns in the first half and tack on three touchdowns in the third quarter to cruise on the road.
Florida QB Jeff Driskel is again solid, throwing for 167 yards and three touchdowns. The solid stable of Florida backs do most of the heavy lifting, running for 223 yards on 38 carries.
Miami quarterback Stephen Morris performs well in the loss—outside his two interceptions that are taken back the other way. He finishes with 284 yards and two touchdowns. Running back/sparkplug/human highlight reel Duke Johnson runs for 90 yards and also catches three passes for 66 yards.
Following the game, Will Muschamp eats a reporter’s microphone. This actually isn’t anything noteworthy, as he usually does this a few times a week.
Georgia bounces back at home thanks to a hot start in the first quarter. The Dawgs outscore South Carolina 21-0 and never look back.
Quarterback Aaron Murray plays a much better game, finishing with 329 yards passing and two touchdowns. Both touchdowns go to tight end Arthur Lynch, who catches eight balls for 129 yards. The running combination of Todd Gurley and Keith Marshall is superb, and the two combine for 149 yards and three touchdowns on 21 carries.
For South Carolina, quarterback Connor Shaw is brilliant. Shaw throws for 412 yards and three touchdowns. No, really. Better yet, wideout Shaq Roland hauls in 15 catches (!!!) for 245 yards (!!!) and three touchdowns. Jadeveon Clowney is back to his normal self, finishing the game with two sacks. But this all comes in a loss.
We’ll set the over/under at 12 seconds before Steve Spurrier drops his first not-so-subtle Georgia player being suspended joke in the postgame presser.
The Wolverines end this one early, scoring the first 28 points. Yet, they are outgained by more than 100 yards in total offense for the game overall.
There’s good reason for this. The Michigan defense returns two interceptions and one fumble for a touchdown, and those 21 points are vital. Wolverines QB Devin Gardner throws for 178 yards and three touchdowns, while the stable of running backs add 166 yards on 33 carries.
On the other side, Notre Dame quarterback Tommy Rees…struggles. Oh, does he struggle. Rees finishes 12-of-32 (oof) for 270 yards, while adding one touchdown and five (oof) interceptions. George Atkinson III runs for 88 yards and a touchdown on 16 carries.
Brian Kelly played down the rivalry between Notre Dame and Michigan earlier in the week, and now it all makes sense.
Oklahoma 38, West Virginia 7—The couch funeral in Morgantown will create flames visible from three states over.
Ohio State 33, San Diego State 13
Kansas State 42, UL Lafayette 27
Stanford 49, San Jose State 30
LSU 31, UAB 28—Oh. Clearly NCAA Football 14 is into the wine again.
Nebraska 35, Southern Miss 3
Missouri 20, Toledo 6
Oregon State 35, Hawaii 14
Baylor 38, Buffalo 35—See reaction above.
Temple 38, Houston 19
Arizona 35, UNLV 3
Northwestern 34, Syracuse 24
Michigan State 28, USF 14—Michigan State scored all four of its touchdowns on defense and special teams. This is a joke, maybe.
Miami (OH) 24, Kentucky 23
Tennessee 24, Western Kentucky 10
Auburn 33, Arkansas State 21
Washington State 24, USC 20—"We go live to our USC message boards for instant rea- [flames engulf entire Internet]