Baseball to plan All-Juicing League.
This morning, news broke out of the MLB headquarters, that baseball had come up with a solution to finally put to rest the performance-enhancing scandal that has rocked it’s sport: an All-Juicing League.
It would be a counter-baseball league wherein all players on every team must juice from their choice of HGH, Roids, Greenies, or the latest illegal synthetic blends made available from Track and Field.
Said one spokesman, who refused to be identified by name (but if you want to follow him on twitter, his sign-in was BudSelig54), "A lot of fans know most of our players cheated, and yet attendance was still through the roof. This new juicing league just allows us to capitalize on that. And we don’t have to worry about any asterisked records."
Purists may not like it, but the proposed plan makes a lot of sense. Just think about the level of talent that could instantly feed such a league: Barry Bonds, A-Rod, Roger Clemens, and Sammy Sosa. The new league might even rival the old for interest.
"I’d love to play again," said the Rocket. "And this time, I wouldn’t have to worry about what to misremember, or who sees what in the locker room."
Owners say the new league could generate much-needed revenue in a time when financial crises are looming. Said the owner of one New York team, "Sure, we’ve added a pharmacist to our club-house staff, but lucky for us, most of our trainers already had the skill set."
The J-MLB, Juiced Major League Baseball, will debut in 2010. The plan is to include teams in every major market (and Kansas City) currently home to a big league team.
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