Athletes Who Need To Stop Hanging Out With Justin F*@#%!G Bieber
At the very real risk of incurring the hateful wrath of angry hoards of deranged Beliebers, I'm going to say there's a troubling number of athletes who have been befriended by Canada's curse on humanity, pop star Justin Bieber. The kid is many things, but a shrinking violet he is not!
Some athletes make it a regular event, while others come into The Biebs life for a brief moment in time.
However brief the moment, it is forever immortalized via Instagram and an accompanying incoherent tweet—a tweet which usually makes it blatantly clear that his mother let him drop out of school before classes got more specific than "English" and "Spelling."
Honestly, the length of their friendships and the reasons behind the meetings are completely irrelevant. The only thing that matters is that this keeps happening and I really think it should stop. After all...
In March 2013 TMZ posted a poll that asked "Is Bieber's Star Fading/Shining," after a concert in Portugal was cancelled because only 60 percent of the seats were sold. Of the nearly 150,000 respondents, 95 percent of them said it was FADING.
So why are athletes still hanging out with this kid? The following folks are in need of a stern talking to.
I don't know if Lakers legend Magic Johnson makes hanging with Justin Bieber a regular thing or if their player/coach interaction in the Celebrity Game during the 2011 NBA All Star game was the beginning and end of their relationship.
Obviously I hope it was a one time thing. But The Biebs tends to infect people like an antibiotic-resistant strain of bacteria, so I wouldn't be surprised to find out they've been best friends ever since.
Either way, Magic—you're better than this.
Because he's Justin F*&$!@G Bieber and he gets to do whatever he wants, The Biebs was allowed to play soccer at Chelsea FC headquarters in December 2011.
Bieber demonstrated his soccer skills and got to meet up with Fernando "El Niño" Torres, who looked all too pleased to be wasting his day pretending to be impressed.
Have you no shame, sir?
On the same Chelsea jaunt mentioned in the previous slide, Justin Bieber also got to meet up with Frank Lampard, who plays midfield for the club.
Ditto on the having no shame thing. Double ditto, in fact.
Floyd Mayweather Jr.
In May 2012 boxer Floyd Mayweather Jr. was scheduled to fight Miguel Cotto, the latest in a long line of scrubs he knew he could beat and screw over by by splitting the purse 70/30.
(70/30 if Cotto was lucky…I wouldn't be surprised if he was compensated in broken jewelry and last season's fur coats)
The fight went pretty much as expected and would have been a total waste of time if Mayweather didn't arrive to the ring with rapper Lil Wayne and Justin Bieber on his arms.
It was literally the most interesting part of the whole event.
Floyd Mayweather Jr. isn't the only boxer in Justin Bieber's little black book! (A little black book is something people used to put addresses and phone numbers in before technological advances freed of us those paper shackles) Apparently he charmed former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson at some point along the way too.
In May 2012 he was hanging with The Biebs, giving him some lessons with the heavy bag. The lessons really paid off too—a few days later he was being investigated for criminal battery after going nuts on a paparazzo in Calabasas.
In February 2013 Tyson told MTV of his little buddy, "I just think he's pretty awesome…And I think his cut with Big Sean was pretty awesome too." Adding of his troubles, "Weed is not necessarily a problem. He hasn't gotten arrested or anything, or in a car wreck. He's a really awesome kid, and he earned everything he has.”
Wait...I'm not sure if I understood all that. Does Tyson think Bieber is awesome...or not awesome? Ugh. Learn a new adjective, champ.
There isn't much of a story behind this photo of Knicks knee-hobbled big man Amar'e Stoudemire and Justin Bieber, other than the meeting happened at an ESPYs party.
Which ESPYs and which party are really of no concern to me.
The fact that Stoudemire has this photo posted on his official website means he's pretty pleased with it. He's got two dozen photos representing 30-years worth of living, and this is one of them.
Maybe he'll put it on his gravestone. Man...the Beliebers would go crazy for that.
While competing at the 2012 Olympics in London, American gymnast Jordyn Wieber and Justin Bieber exchanged a few tweets of irritatingly gushing support. #DREAMBIG #BELIEVE
Which must have been one heckuva a thrill for Wieber, who has been stricken with the devastating Bieber Fever for years now. On The Ellen Degeneres Show back in 2011, she blathered on about meeting the kid.
Well in July 2013 Weiber's Bieber wish finally came true. They met somewhere that Justin Bieber related and posed for this photo—obviously The Biebs couldn't have been more thrilled…if he was getting a root canal.
Good lord, girl...have some dignity.
In August 2010 journeyman NHL goalie Kevin Weekes and Justin Bieber got pretty chummy during a chance meeting at Toronto's airport lounge.
Weekes decided to hit up the lounge when his flight to Barbados was delayed. The Biebs reason for being there is a mystery that I don't care if we ever solve.
Both tweeted about their newfound bromance. Weekes said Bieber was a "young guy—very funny and mature!!" Bieber returned the favor by asking his Twitter army of angry teenagers (and pathetic middle-aged women) to follow Weekes because "He's tight!"
The paths of fellow Canadian countrymen Justin Bieber and living legend Wayne Gretzky have passed on the red carpet a few times. Which is bound to happen in a country with more bears than people.
(I'm just kidding, Canada. I'm sure you have at least a few more people than bears).
But apparently they have some kind of relationship that extends beyond superficial pleasantries. In February 2011, The Great One appeared on The Talk and presented The Biebs with a glorious jersey.
Rather than get involved in the action, Gretzky opted to creep on Bieber from afar. Seriously, what the hell is with that look?
Chris Paul's Son
In December 2012 it seems Clippers star Chris Paul found himself without childcare for his son, so he did what any super responsible father in the same situation would do…
He called up Justin Bieber and had him babysit courtside!
It's hard to tell how official The Biebs babysitting duties were that night, but it was widely reported by CBS and other media outlets as a legit gig. The important thing is nobody got hurt (Unless you count CP3's reputation).
I wonder if he asked to be compensated in joints or gift certificates for window tinting. It was definitely one of the three.
American Olympic skier Lindsey Vonn and Canadian Olympic toolbag Justin Bieber met up for some face time backstage at the 2011 ESPY Awards.
As per TMZ, apparently Vonn gushed about The Biebs on stage and implored him to pose for a photo. Of course he obliged and she posted it to Facebook with the caption, "I finally got my Justin Bieber pic!"
So I guess it was her first…hopefully it was her last too.
Wow. So much for extreme sports, Tony Hawk. Aside from knitting and staying in to watch Lifetime, hanging with Justin Bieber is pretty much the least extreme thing you can do.
In July 2012 Hawk interviewed The Biebs for a series of celebrity interviews he's done for Skateboard Magazine, called 'Tony Hawk's Dissent.'
If you can't Belieb it...you're not alone.
Kevin Durant and Tyson Chandler
CBS Sports was pretty spot on with the headline that accompanied this photo on their website: "This is a photo of Kevin Durant and Tyson Chandler with Justin Bieber."
Why yes…yes it is.
What else can you say about a couple of NBA superstars and Carl Lentz, a "hip, urban" preacher, hanging out at the home of a shirtless 19-year-old Canadian singer—besides…I guess this is happening.
Well that and I wish it would stop happening.
What's this all about? In February 2011 the Rangers sexy Swedish goaltender Henrik Lundqvist and the impish Canadian crotch-grabber Justin Bieber were spotted sitting courtside at a Knicks game in Madison Square Garden.
I'm not sure what would be weirder—them running into each other and hitting it off or them actually making plans and going together.
They were seen discussing God knows what whilst the Biebs indulged in a hot dog. Lundqvist is a handsome and sophisticated man, but he really needs to reconsider the company he keeps. At least Bieber is a step up from Sean Avery.
Apparently being the MVP of the 2011 NBA All-Star Celebrity Game is all you need to get a little face time with the greatest great the game has ever seen.
In January 2013 Justin Bieber tweeted: "I would lie to repeat. I met MICHAEL JORDAN tonight! #SWAG" and "one more time.. Michael Jordan. that happened".
That did happen. The Biebs met up with His Airness at the Time Warner Cable Arena, which is where his Bobcats play and where the "Believe" tour was playing in Charlotte.
Sorry...but this is just the worst!
Retired footballer David Beckham and Justin Bieber have actually been spotted together on a few occasions, including chatting courtside at a Lakers game—probably more than one.
Apparently The Becks was cozying up to The Biebs back in 2011 because his three sons were (and maybe still are) fans.
According to an interview with Closer magazine, Bieber agreed to do a private concert for Beckham's brood, in exchange for the superstar footballer teaching The Biebs some soccer skills.
He added, "Maybe now they have a girl, Selena will have to come too, and dedicate a song to Harper" (Just to clarify...Harper was about three weeks old at the time...).
Say it ain't so, Kobe! Please—I'm imploring you—say it ain't so!
Apparently there was a time a few years ago when Justin Bieber, feeling like a tragic failure at the tender age of 16, was considering giving it all up as per Popdust.
(I can't imagine for a minute he would have gone back to high school…so I wonder what the heck he had on his mind for the future).
But when he was feeling down, The Biebs looked to Lakers star Kobe Bryant, who he seems to feel is the only person on Earth he can relate to. Alright.
Eventually he got to meet up with his brotha from another motha (and father…and country…and everything) and instead of telling him to quit, Kobe actually encouraged him to never quit.
So...in case you were wondering...you have Kobe Bryant to thank for the fact that old man Justin Bieber's newest single will probably be playing at your funeral.
*And you have me to thank for this list. Express your gratitude by following me on Twitter: Follow @blamberr
[Beliebers can direct their irrational rage/death threats there too]