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Say that 10 times fast.
In this week's version of the Wayne Rooney roundup, we have managers pointing the finger at other managers, Samuel Eto'o and Juan Mata getting thrown into the mix and so, so much more.
Take a deep breath, and let's begin.
We start with some pretty incendiary comments from Jose Mourinho, who basically came out and said, "Hey, can you blame me for chasing Rooney? David Moyes made him a second-choice player!"
From Jacob Steinberg of The Guardian:
When it was put to Mourinho that he will be given a hot reception at Old Trafford on Monday, he reacted with bemusement. "They are against me?" Mourinho said. "But I didn't say [to Rooney] you will be a second-choice for me. And they are against me?
"We are trying to get a player that a manager told 'You will be a second option' for him. We are not going for [Robin] van Persie. They don't have to be against me. If I say Ramires is a second option for me and he plays when [Frank] Lampard is tired or injured, if someone comes here to get Ramires, nobody is upset."
When Mourinho was asked if Moyes should shoulder the blame, his reply was unequivocal: "Of course." In that moment, questioning Moyes's managerial style, it felt as if battle lines had been drawn, though Mourinho then tried to distance himself from appearing too critical. "In every big team, I am not criticising, you have first options and second options, and those second options must be very good players," he said. "Of course big teams must have second choices. Big players too. The point is if the players are happy to accept that situation."
And yes, the Blues are still in for Rooney, though they are keeping Eto'o as a backup option, according to Darren Lewis of the Mirror.
That backup plan seems pretty far advanced, as Tancredi Palmeri of CNN tweets:
Of course, Chelsea may not be the only team that has eyes for Rooney, as Adrian Kajumba of the Daily Star reports that Arsenal will attempt to make a final push to land Rooney ahead of Chelsea.
It's pretty hard to envision Rooney being sold to Arsenal a summer after the Gunners sold van Persie to the Red Devils. That would seem to be counterintuitive, no?
Finally, Massimo Marioni of the Metro reports that Chelsea aren't ruling out a Rooney-for-Juan Mata swap. Essentially, Mourinho was asked if he would consider sending Mata to United in any transfer deal, and he basically said that was never put on the table by United, with the Red Devils simply rejecting Chelsea's bids and saying they weren't interested in selling.
Still, with enough midfielders at Stamford Bridge to field an entire starting 11, Mata's departure wouldn't be shocking.
What would be pretty surprising at this point, however, is Rooney actually being sold. With Eto'o close to being signed, it looks as though the Blues are slowly accepting the fact that United won't budge on Rooney.