That sure was an enjoyable SummerSlam 1998 we just watched.
Vince McMahon is making life a living hell for his top babyface, Jerry Lawler is cracking some current jokes, and on another network, Eric Bischoff is slowly putting a national wrestling company out of business.
Wait a second, let me check my watch. It's 2013, and we're still doing the evil McMahon family thing?
Well, all right then.
Overall, we did have a pretty solid week of WWE. We finally have a top babyface the majority of fans can cheer for, Punk and Brock put on a classic, and we learned the important life lesson that all you need to interfere in an inferno match is a big blanket.
But all was not well in the world of World Wrestling Entertainment. With 10 hours of TV to sort through these past seven days, it may have ended up making your head hurt. These are the five moments that hurt the most.
Here is WWE's worst of the week.
Fans are used to paying more for the HD version of a pay-per-view, but could we pay more to get the non-Miz version?
Miz hosted SummerSlam and added absolutely nothing to the show, as was the general consensus heading into it. All we got were some segments that led up to him punching Fandango in the face. We've already seen that before, but now we were charged a few bucks to watch it happen.
Hey, that's not very awesome at all!
The only good thing about having Miz hosting was that we didn't have to watch him bungle another Figure Four.
Daniel Bryan took quite the beating on Raw at the end of the show.
If only there were someone, anyone, there who could have stopped it. Well, besides the 20 or so babyfaces standing at the top of the entryway looking on like cowards.
All of them care more about their job security than watching an innocent man getting beat four-on-one.
Yeah, they may have faced some punishment from the McMahon family, but aren't we supposed to admire these guys for standing up for what's right?
How about Mark Henry? He doesn't like The Shield. But he just stood there and watched.
What about The Big Show? They gave him a beating earlier in the night, and he was still able to walk to the back. He has an iron clad contract after all, so it's not like he would have got fired.
This was an important lesson for the children. Even when you greatly outnumber a group of unarmed attackers beating an innocent man, your best course of action is to stand there and watch. You don't want to get in trouble.
Some feuds need to be settled in a steel cage. Bruno Sammartino vs. Stan Hansen, Hulk Hogan vs. Paul Orndorff, even the recent Brock Lesnar vs. HHH needed the steel to contain such carnage.
Daniel Bryan vs. Wade Barrett didn't need a cage. It really didn't even need to happen again.
WWE doesn't seem to understand how wrestling works at time.
Didn't we see Bryan defeat Barrett on the Aug. 5 edition of SmackDown? And then on the Aug. 13 SmackDown? That's no real reason for another match.
On Raw, Barrett couldn't even handle The Miz. Why would anyone think he could hang with Bryan?
In fact, we haven't seen Barrett win a match fairly on Raw or SmackDown since April!
Unless there's a good reason to use a cage, like an actual heated feud with two competitors that people care about, then don't do it. It just damages the gimmick.
Just have the two battle in one of those bouncy castles instead. At least that would have better fit the tone of the feud.
I hate smiling in wrestling. It just makes no sense.
You're about to engage in brutal hand-to-hand combat with a trained fighter, so why would you be so happy that you're about to take 40 punches to the head?
Big Show and Mark Henry have teamed up and are both back to their babyface smiling ways. This didn't work last time they tried that, or the time before, but they might as well try it again. Apparently WWE must think its fans are too stupid to realize that the two are good guys unless they are constantly smiling and acting like idiots.
Why exactly is The Big Show good again anyway? It's just one of those "heel wrestler disappears, returns as a babyface" nonsense that WWE does over and over again. It's lazy writing.
Big Show hated the crowds and only cared about himself not too long ago, and now he's high-fiving children.
Now smiling against 3MB is one thing, but Henry and Show smiled their way through The Shield's promo against them as if they were just thinking about stealing some picnic baskets afterwards. Did they forget that they had been brutally beaten by them before?
Are Zack Ryder and Justin Gabriel so underpaid that the thought of winning $1,000 is a big deal to them?
To the average person, that's a nice chunk of change. But to a couple of guys who appears on national television, you'd think they'd make more than that. Maybe being a jobber doesn't pay that well.
Although the trip to a WWE pay-per-view must sound nice to them.
The Footlocker segment was just one of those ones that break the fourth wall. Are we supposed to believe that some Footlocker employee just came into the building to sell shoes to WWE mid-carders?
No, it was just a way to push some ugly shoes that only jobbers and a delusional heel seem interested in. It may be back-to-school time, but no kid is going to want to buy the shoe that Fandango has.
I'd rather watch Big Show vs. Mark Henry in a 60-minute Iron Man smile-off match than have to watch WWE push shoes on us during Raw.
It's time kick out.
That's all for this week. Agree? Disagree? What was your worst moment of the week? Thanks for reading!