Amar'e Stoudemire Will Be Miss America Contest Judge

Stephen BabbFeatured ColumnistAugust 14, 2013

NEW YORK, NY - JANUARY 03: Amar'e Stoudemire #1 of the New York Knicks argues a call with the ref during the game against the San Antonio Spurs at Madison Square Garden on January 3, 2013 in New York City. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. The Knicks fdefeated the Spurs 100-83. (Photo by Bruce Bennett/Getty Images)
Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

The New York Knicks didn't want Amar'e Stoudemire working too hard this summer, ultimately canceling his planned trip to again work with Hakeem Olajuwon in Texas. They apparently didn't say anything about him doing a Miss America Pageant, though.

Fortunately, he won't be competing. Instead, he'll be one of the judges if the Associated Press is to be believed. And it probably should, shocked and dismayed as we all are.

There are, however, a lot of things to be excited about here, not least among them the opportunity to see Stoudemire so painfully out of his element.

He's almost certainly the only of the seven judges ever to engage in hand-to-hand combat with a fire extinguisher. But to fully grasp how completely weird this is, here's a look at the other evaluators and their respective claims to fame—or anyway, what they do for a living.

  • Lance Bass—Former singer and performer for 'N Sync
  • Joshua Bell—All-Star violinist
  • Mario Cantone—Stand-up comedian, writer, actor
  • Barbara Corcoran—One of Mark Cuban's fellow Shark Tank investors on ABC
  • Carla Hall—Co-host of ABC's The Chew
  • Deidre Downs Gunn—Obstetrician and gynecologist, former Miss America

Then there's Amar'e. Somehow.

So the first intriguing part of all this will be waiting to see how long it takes Stoudemire to realize what he actually signed up for. If there are only six judges left just 30 minutes into the show, we'll know he figured it out.

If not, that's even better news. Watching Stoudemire ask the contestants important questions about world affairs might be more entertaining than listening to the answers—and that's saying something.

Though I won't have a vote, I'm voting for whoever dons some Amar'e-style goggles in an attempt to get on Stoudemire's good side. In fact, anyone wearing anything remotely resembling Amar'e fashion will get my imaginary vote. They won't be getting anyone else's.

The pageant, which is something entirely different from Miss USA, according to The Pageant Planet's Steven Roddy, won't be in Las Vegas this year—to absolutely no one's disappointment. This marks the event's first return to Jersey in seven years. You can catch all the action—or whatever goes down at these things (yep, I'm acting like I don't know)—on ABC at 9 p.m. EST on Sept. 15. Until then, meet the contestants

And wish Amar'e luck. Better yet, just wish he doesn't manage to hurt himself somehow.