The transfer deadline is following us around and creeping up on us, like we stopped taking its calls because it got clingy and started talking about having kids. Clubs all over the world are dragging new players into their stadiums, making them hold a shirt the wrong way round and forcing them to undergo something called “a medical”—and to the best of our knowledge, Charlie Austin is the only person to have ever failed one in the history of football.
United and Arsenal are two teams that have been making lots of noise this transfer window, without actually saying anything. According to reports, Manchester United and Arsenal want to sign everyone, but it seems no one wants to sign for Manchester United and Arsenal.
Despite the abundance of players they’ve been linked with, at the time of writing, Arsenal have only signed Yaya Sanogo on a free transfer from Auxerre’s physio room, and Manchester United have signed Guillermo Varela from Uruguayan-champions-and-not-a-brand-of-hayfever-medicine-like-we-first-thought Penarol.
With reckless spending like that, Arsenal and Manchester United fans must be worried their sides will become the next Portsmouth.
So, with that inevitable closing of the summer transfer window parking outside our house all night and ringing our phone then hanging up as soon as we answer, we can’t help but think United and Arsenal need to sign someone soon. Especially with Arsenal acting like a drunk guy in a suit, claiming they have money, but when someone wants them to pay for something they’re no where to be seen, and David Moyes desperate for someone to not go “OK, I’ll sign for Manchester Un...hang on a minute, you’re not Alex Ferguson!”
So, in the hopes that it will encourage the Gunners and the Red Devils to actually pull off a transfer and to showcase which high-quality players aren’t going to the Emirates or Old Trafford, we are going to put together the best XI of players that United and Arsenal have been linked with but have failed to sign.
We will be playing a 3-4-3 formation in tribute to the “Total Football” philosophy and because it’s easier to do this article with just three defenders (with that sort of tactical reasoning, we have suddenly become favorites to be appointed the next England manager).