The year is 2013—so start acting like it.
No more naming your fantasy team "Show Me Your TD's," "Forgetting Brandon Marshall," "Mike" (??) or anything else that was painfully overused last year—and pretty much the past five years.
It's time to start getting both creative and relevant.
Picking out a fantasy team name is easily the most important decision you'll make this year. Forget researching for sleepers. Forget mining the waiver wire for the next Alfred Morris or Russell Wilson. Forget paying your bills.
This is crucial. It's the deciding factor in whether your league-mates will respect you or hate your guts forever.
And no, "Carlos Danger" is not some ground-breaking name. Neither is "Butt Fumble."
With all that being said, let's take a look at some fresh—and hopefully unique—team names for the 2013 fantasy football season.
"Butt Fumble" is going to be overplayed, but how are you not going to go with a team name that references both Mark Sanchez and his butt?
Not only is that fumble now infamous, but then he went and showed off his behind during a dance-ish party with two females this summer. And, to top it all off, you've got his play on the field—completing 54.3 percent of his passes with a QB rating of 66.9—hitting rock bottom during the 2012 season.
Get it? Rock bottom.
So, yeah. Gluteus Marximus is the least childish name I could think of that involves Mark and his hind side.
Chances are, most people are going to want a team name that has something to do with Tim Tebow, and unfortunately I can't change that.
The Tebowmania Show made its way to the New England Patriots this summer, so you're going to want something to do with Tebow and Beantown. In that regard, "Boston Tebow Party" is tough to top.
Who says you have to keep it in the NFL? Johnny Manziel has been approaching Tebow territory in the size of his spotlight these past few months, so it would be wrong not to name a team after him.
Tyrann Mathieu, who goes by "Honey Badger," got into quite a bit of trouble when he was on campus at LSU.
That makes "Money Badger" almost too perfect for Manziel, who is currently in hot water for allegedly taking money to sign autographs.
Maybe this is just me, but my favorite part about this one is that is probably makes just about zero sense to most people out there.
Let me explain.
But what do you do when such a formidable duo becomes a trio, as the Broncos did with the addition of Wes Welker? Black & Decker and Wes?
Nope. You're going to have to make a bit of a stretch.
Welker is still arguably the most dangerous slot receiver in the league, and a quick Google search of "Black and Decker and Slot" reveals that the Black & Decker Slot Toaster is actually a thing.
Works for me.
Like I said, it's a huge stretch, although Decker does toast people from the slot (I'm sorry). But it's goofy if you actually read it out loud, and it's still a subtle reference to a major NFL story heading into the year.
At the very least, you're going to have people asking you about it.
Everybody loves a good Simpsons reference, and whenever you can combine that with a top-two pick from the most recent draft, you don't hesitate.
That's pretty much all you need to know.