Beleaguered Sports Figures' Voice Mails: Leave a Message at the Beep...

Steve Auger by Analyst Written on May 12, 2009
NEW YORK - MAY 04:  David Ortiz #34 of the Boston Red Sox bats against of the New York Yankees on May 4, 2009 at Yankee Stadium in the Bronx borough of New York City. The Red Sox defeated the Yankees 6-4.  (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images) (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)
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I’m only 27. I’ve got a few dominating years left. Hell, Agassi made the U.S. Open final at age 35.

Is Nadal in my head a little bit? Probably, but have you seen the guy play? He’s got a stronger will than Rocky!

I just find it amazing that given how much I dominated my sport for five years, people now treat me like I’m some scrub on the Challenger’s Circuit.

Bottom line is I am going to break Pete’s record. And with Wimbledon and the U.S. Open around the corner, I might even do it this year.

So leave me a message and I’ll call you back when I get off the court. Unless you’re calling with match advice. I’ve forgotten more about tennis than you’ll ever know. Get a life!

...beeeeeeeeepp!

 

Charlie Weis

Hey this is Charlie. Sorry I can’t take your call right now, but I’m out recruiting blue chippers as I try to satisfy the completely ridiculous and unrealistic expectations of Domer fans everywhere.

I’m not sure which set of fans is worse: The ones who actually went to Notre Dame or all the losers who root for us for the same reason other fans bases root for the Yankees, the Lakers, and the Cowboys.

I’m starting to think Lisa Horne was right. Notre Dame fans are delusional.

Look, my first two seasons here, we earned BCS bowl bids. Of course, we lost those two games by an average score of 38-17. And then there’s the little fact that we made those games with the players Ty Willingham recruited.

Up until we slaughtered Hawaii this year, Notre Dame fans everywhere were constantly reminded about our nine game bowl winless streak that started back in 1994.

And during the losing streak, we were never close. Lost those games by an average score of 35-17. But that began long before I started cashing Irish checks.

Vote Now! - Author Poll

Of the five, who is the most beleaguered sports figure?

  • David Ortiz
  • Dale Earmhardt, Jr.
  • Roger Federer
  • Charlie Weis
  • Alex Rodriguez
vote to see results
Results - Author Poll

Of the five, who is the most beleaguered sports figure?

  • David Ortiz

    0.0%
  • Dale Earmhardt, Jr.

    25.0%
  • Roger Federer

    0.0%
  • Charlie Weis

    25.0%
  • Alex Rodriguez

    50.0%
  • Total votes: 4
(2)
...
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written on May 12, 2009 Humor

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