Serie A's Most Bizarre Haircuts

Christopher ImpigliaFeatured ColumnistAugust 7, 2013

Serie A's Most Bizarre Haircuts

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    Italy is known as being the fashion nation of the world. It's therefore understandable that Serie A features some of World Football's most bizarre hairstyles. Yes, there is plenty of Mario Balotelli to be seen. However, teammates like Kevin-Prince Boateng and rivals like Rodrigo Palacio also have a thing or two to say about style.

    Let's take a look at the best (or worst) the Italian league has to offer. 

Mario Balotelli

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    Might as well start with a dose of Balotelli. 

    This relatively recent style forms a nice variation of the common mohawk. Bleached blonde, it formed a great combination with Milan's gold kit. It also helped strengthen Super Mario's strike partnership with Kevin-Prince Boateng.

    Continue to find out why. 

Kevin-Prince Boateng

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    There Boateng is with Balotelli, both in their gold kits and both with their bleached mohawks. Boateng also has a great beard to complement the look with the touch of an Egyptian pharaoh. It was probably a good decision on his part to not bleach the beard as well.

    Francesco Totti looks certainly amused greeting Boateng. But even the aged Totti retained an eye for the somewhat flamboyant as we shall see. 

Francesco Totti

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    In many ways the David Beckham of Italy, Totti has inspired on the field with his skills and off the field with his hair. 

    In his heyday, many Italians wore their hair as he did, and he was very much a trendsetter of the flowing locks of the early 2000s. He's a man who went through an incredible evolution of hairstyles, from bowl cuts to ponytails. 

    Now he's recently settled on a strange variation of the fohawk with a progression of increasingly close-shaven hair on the sides of his head. In addition, there is a peculiarly shaved forehead line to add to the mix.

Stephen El Shaarawy

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    Speaking of shaved forehead lines, here's Milan's El Shaarawy. 

    It's difficult to decide on how to categorize his style. Certainly it's a crest of some sort. Indeed, it's a crest of quite a formidable height and sharpness.

    But what makes it particularly interesting is the line that cuts through the front and down the side. Perhaps it's like a racing stripe?

    I like to think it adds further aerodynamics to allow him to wear such a high style while being able to run at such blistering pace. NASA, get on it. 

Alessandro Diamanti

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    With an abundance of hair, Bologna's Diamanti wanted a thick crest to make El Shaarawy proud. His hairdresser tried to talk him out of it, noting his curls would not comply. The attacking midfielder is not one to argue with. 

    He went for it anyway, but just as he was told, the gel didn't penetrate his curls for more than a few seconds. 

Rodrigo Palacio

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    Unlike Diamanti, an abundance of hair is precisely what Inter's Palacio does not have. However, he would probably argue he has hair where it counts: in a long thin rattail at the back of his head.

    Perhaps he wanted to preserve what he was losing for future generations? Perhaps he was severely influenced by Obi-Wan Kenobi in The Phantom Menace?

    Regardless, I always wonder what would happen if he unleashed that braid. I imagine an afro would form to challenge that of Marouane Fellaini.

     

Kevin-Prince Boateng

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    Boateng does it again in a great advertisement for his personal stylist.

    This hair is so impeccably bleached and cut that it looks digitally enhanced. Pixar has since been working on a film featuring the midfielder as himself. 

Mario Balotelli

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    Competition in the hair department doesn't seem to end between Balotelli and Boateng.

    In an attempt to top Boateng's CGI hair, Super Mario tried something special. Unfortunately, whatever he intended did not seem to come to fruition. 

    I don't know if he tried to shave off a failed bleaching attempt himself, but what we're left with is an asymmetric mohawk with two possibly intended spikes and some leftover pieces that the razor didn't reach. 

M'Baye Niang

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    Niang didn't like his Milan teammates Balotelli and Boateng having all the fun. 

    In an effort to top them both, he placed a shooting star on the side of his mohawk. The star's celestial arch is enhanced with some Caravaggio-worthy chiaroscuro. 

Arturo Vidal

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    Juventus' Vidal saw Niang's hair and was pretty pleased. 

    Not for the perfect execution of chiaroscuro but because one star was merely giving into the fact that Milan have won less Scudetti than Juventus. 

    In order to rub it in further, Vidal had three stars etched into the side of his head for the 30 titles Juventus won. (Technically they won 29, but Il Guerriero is the last person I want to upset so I'll keep this in parentheses).

Mario Balotelli

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    Unfortunately for Niang, Balotelli once again showed that his style was Milan's best.  

    Leaving the ever-popular mohawk behind, an intricate pattern was carved into either side of his head for a look that came in a moment of inspiration while the striker browsed for carpets in his favorite home makeover magazine. 

Radja Nainggolan

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    From afar, the Cagliari midfielder and Belgium International puts on a pretty sinister appearance with this golden dragon tail of a do.  

    Up close, however, details arise that foil the look. Note the inspiring piece in the front, where the spikes give way to a Superman curl. 

Marek Hamsik

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    Napoli's playmaker Hamsik is wondering why everyone keeps trying to change the classic mohawk.

    Walk down the streets of Napoli and you'll see hundreds of kids in blue shirts with the same style as the midfielder. And why not? He's rightfully earned his place in the hearts of all Napoli supporters for his dedication to the club.

    Should he end his career at Napoli, it will be only a matter of time before his spikes are placed in a reliquary for worship. They won't even need to be mummified to stand the test of time as they've already been permanently petrified with hair gel.

Kevin-Prince Boateng

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    Ever wanted to see a fohawk in its natural state? Here it is, courtesy of Boateng.

    Sporting a pristine, gel-less flow that has the Transformers versatility of becoming a flattop, the Prince once again delivers. 

Erik Lamela

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    Erik Lamela could be said to have spearheaded (pun intended) the asymmetrical crest when he arrived in Italy in 2011.

    Since then, he's varied the sharpness and length of the peak to ensure he stands out among all the other crest-bearing payers. This particular cut was flattened, which helped in his 15 goals for Roma, many of them headers. 

Ignazio Abate

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    As an Italian with a Germanic look, it was only natural for Abate to take after Marco Reus. 

    What makes this look differ from other similar ones is that Abate ensured he retained a perfectly crisp side-partition. This addition, worthy of a British WWII general, can't be ignored. 

Davide Moscardelli

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    Hairstyles extend to facial hair, which is why all credit must go to Bologna's Moscardelli. 

    A cult figure with 56,000 followers on Twitter, Moscardelli's beard is bizarre only in its context. With few professional athletes sporting a similar style, the striker's appearance, worthy of an extra in Game of Thrones, deserves to be included in this list. 

     

Mario Balotelli

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    I swear, this is the last Balotelli image. 

    Like Boateng's flattop, this is Balotelli's mohawk in its purest state. Untouched by foreign materials, it remains ruggedly dry.

    Because such hairdos have become commonplace for Super Mario, it's beginning to seem like this style is not bizarre at all. But recently, he grew a normal head of hair to counteract years of mohawks and fohawks.

    Strangely enough, he now looks, well, normal. 

     

Leandro Castan

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    Nicknamed "Jim Carrey" in Rome for obvious reasons, central defender Castan challenges the crest category with his variation: It is particularly long at the top and tends to sharpen towards the back, not unlike a parakeet.

    Like his teammate Lamela, he may have grown those extra inches to assist in his headers. Unfortunately, Roma's abysmal defense last season reflect that this strategy did not go down to well. 

Juan Cuadrado

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    Very few players are brave enough to support braids like Cuadrado's. Even fewer can pull them off. 

    Fiorentina's winger, however, does surprisingly well. Unfortunately, he still looks like he's wearing a mop on his head. 

Abel Hernandez

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    Although Hernandez's Palermo are currently in Serie B, the striker looks likely to make a switch back into the top tier of Italian football. He therefore deserves to be on this list with a style similar to Cuadrado's.

    In this case, however, Hernandez decided to define the limits of where the mop was embedded in his head with a nice close shave on either side. 

Philippe Mexes

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    The big Milan defender has been known to be somewhat flamboyant in terms of fashion. An avid user of hair clips, hair ties, dyes and bleaches, Mexes never disappoints in the hair department. 

    This particular look was for Euro 2012. His blonde cornrows, however, did little to inspire France in their quarterfinal loss to Spain. 

Mattia Perin

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    Genoa's talented young goalkeeper is certainly a prospect for the future. It's thus ironic that his hair is a throwback to the '60s. 

    The long locks look ordinary when in motion. At rest, however, it becomes clear that a bowl was used to give him great bangs while ensuring his ears stay warm.

    Perhaps his mom was a groupie for the Beatles and gave him a haircut that he never wanted to relinquish.  

Mattia Destro

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    Emerging like a hipster from Williamsburg is Roma's Mattia Destro. 

    The striker felt he was too intelligent for the mohawk, instead ironically leaving out the gel for a floppy comb-over.

    He looks more like an indispensable member of an all-synth band rather than a footballer. It's also important to note that the look would not be complete without the essential bushy neck-beard. 

Ignazio Abate

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    Abate makes it on the list again with an especially thick, unspiked mohawk. 

    Perhaps the pressure of playing alongside Balotelli and Boateng got the best of him. Whatever the case, I'm not so sure he successfully pulled off the look. Indeed, he adjusted the haircut soon after Super Mario looked at him and laughed. 

     

Ezequiel Schelotto

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    Inter's Schelotto is nicknamed "The Musketeer" for his particular look. But, I've yet to see the Musketeer look that does not have the moustache accompaniment. Without the moustache, he has but a massive soul patch.

    It's an endearing title for a formidable midfielder. Unfortunately, I don't believe he completely deserves it. 

    Let me know if you think of something more suitable to call the Argentine.