Kagawa's Talking Dog and Rooney's Wine Problem: 6 Bizarre Footballer Commercials

Ryan Bailey@ryanjaybaileyFeatured ColumnistJuly 29, 2013

Kagawa's Talking Dog and Rooney's Wine Problem: 6 Bizarre Footballer Commercials

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    As their unquenchable thirst for random commercial affiliations continues, Manchester United unveiled their official diesel engine partner last week

    A few days before they satiated your industrial machinery needs, the Red Devils also lent their name to a Japanese tomato juice producer, producing a commercial in which the viewer is forced to listen to the disgusting overdubbed swallowing noises of Robin van Persie, Michael Carrick, Ryan Giggs and Shinji Kagawa. 

    This isn't United's only dalliance in questionable advertising, as they lead our list of bizarre football commercials.

Manchester United's Wine Seller

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    Wayne Rooney has starred in a plethora of commercials throughout the years, each one more follically-challenged than the last. But nowhere has he displayed his acting chops quite like he did in Manchester United's 2011 shill for Casillero del Diablo wine.

    "They say he is a legend," enunciates Rooney, with a dramatic pause that feels less Marlon Brando and more like a man preparing to phonetically read a card in front of him. The epic performance is capped off by a mildly disinterested chin stroke as a huge explosion erupts yards away on the field.  

    Ryan Giggs, meanwhile, actually seems pretty convincing in his role. It's almost as if he is channeling years of acting and deception.

Kevin Keegan's Brut Force

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    Liverpool legend Kevin Keegan displayed his enviable wardrobe and knowledge of the Green Cross Code in this 1976 commercial, but his advertising magnum opus came in a spot for Brut Deodorant.

    After a Rocky montage-style workout session with heavyweight boxer Henry Cooper, the two sporting heroes hit the showers to discuss their favorite antiperspirant. Personal space invading, towel throwing and some brilliantly cheesy fist-shaking ensues. 

Shinji Kagawa Plays Dr. Dolittle

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    If there is one thing in which Japan is a world leader, it is nonsensical and vaguely terrifying commercials that have no relation to the product they are endorsing. 

    Earlier this year, Manchester United star Shinji Kagawa helped extol the virtues of telecommunications and Internet company SoftBank by playing football with a talking dog, which is supposed to be his uncle. Meanwhile, a nearby beluga whale plays his father.

    Confused? You will be. 

Fernando Torres' Cupcake Masterclass

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    Some say that Fernando Torres earned his "El Nino" nickname because he can whip up a storm on the field. But it's actually due to the ferocity with which he can beat an egg.

    The Spaniard showed his mad cake-baking skills in a 2013 ad for Chelsea sponsors Samsung. When he puts his creations in the oven, note how good he is at sitting and patiently waiting for something to happen—it's a skill he was able to practise frequently on the sideline in the second half of last season.  

Blackburn's Chicken Surprise

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    Blackburn owners Venkys have been making fans feel sick for many years, and this commercial for their chicken products didn't make the Rovers faithful feel any less queasy. 

    In it, we see the players gather round and give the sign of the cross, as if eating a plate full of chicken in the dressing room is a pre-match ritual. Also, Morten Gamst Pedersen pretends to take a leg from under someone, which is ironic considering the fact that we are used to seeing Pedersen pretend to have his own legs taken from under him.

    If the players really were tucking into plates of chicken legs shortly before taking to the field, it's not surprising that they were relegated.

Ian Wright Feels Like Chicken Tonight

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    [Play clip from 1.25]

    Former Arsenal talisman Ian Wright now makes a living expressing his frank opinions on the radio and television in his trademark South London dialect. 

    In the second chicken-themed clip of this list, Wrighty poked fun at his humble background and unrefined accent by playing a sophisticated gentleman with a penchant for pre-made sauces.

    Dressed in a cravat and smoking jacket, the former England star was impossible to dislike as his posh alter ego. Particularly when he broke out into the chicken dance.