Satire

Your secret is safe with me, Benoit Benjamin

R. LeBaronCorrespondent IApril 10, 2008

Dear Benoit Benjamin,

Several years ago, while moonlighting as a center for the Seattle Supersonics, you did an interview in which you were asked to share some of your cooking expertise with the viewing audience— specifically, how to cook shrimp.

Fortunately for me, I was watching on the television.

I ran and got a pen and paper so I could write down the steps and ingredients needed for Benoit Benjamin's Shrimp Surprise or something. But for some reason, you seemed to be caught completely off-guard by the question. You squirmed in your seat and looked uncomfortable. It was as if Tom Cruise had just asked if you ordered the Code Red. You awkwardly instructed viewers to put shrimp and butter in a pan and "fry it up".

Gee, thanks Emeril.

In the history of sports, there have probably been a few interviews that were more awkward (Jim Gray trying to interview Chad Curtis comes to mind), but not many.

Why were you so uncomfortable discussing your cooking skills?

Your secret is actually pretty simple. You were a multi-million dollar athlete. Asking you for cooking advice was like asking Naomi Campbell for anger management techniques, Keira Knightley for tips on how to get rid of that extra ten pounds or quizzing Charlie Brown about which conditioner he recommends.

You didn't do your own cooking any more than baby birds chew their own food, but your secret is safe with me.

Sincerely,

R. LeBaron

Where can I comment?

Stay on your game

Latest news, insights, and forecasts on your teams across leagues.

Choose Teams
Get it on the App StoreGet it on Google Play

Real-time news for your teams right on your mobile device.

Download
Copyright © 2017 Bleacher Report, Inc. Turner Broadcasting System, Inc. All Rights Reserved. BleacherReport.com is part of Bleacher Report – Turner Sports Network, part of the Turner Sports and Entertainment Network. Certain photos copyright © 2017 Getty Images. Any commercial use or distribution without the express written consent of Getty Images is strictly prohibited. AdChoices