Nothing says "good investment" like pouring thousand of dollars into a piece of Dallas Mavericks history.
No, we're not talking about the clippings from Dirk Nowitzki shaving his .500 beard—you don't want to purchase that (I hope). It's the flooring and bench decor from Dallas' 2011 championship you should be after.
According to The Dallas Morning News, the Mavericks are auctioning off the court played on during their title run, along with four sets of bench seats:
If you have thousands of dollars in discretionary income, are a Mavericks fan and absolutely need to have some two-year-old hardwood in your house, get yourself to Chicago. The Mavericks' floor from their 2011 championship will be auctioned off there on August 1 at the National Sports Collectors convention.
The court, which the Mavericks used for the entirety of the 2011 season, still bears the NBA Finals script and logo. It is being split into two lots, and is expected to sell for a combined $20,000 or more.
Also being auctioned are four sets of bench seats from 2011, each autographed by Dirk Nowitzki.
Frivolous spending never sounded so good.
Imagine yourself owning a piece of history, one that Dirk and LeBron James walked on. You may still even be able to smell the sweat that dripped off players' faces and on to the floor.
And picture parking your tukhus on a cushioned chair autographed, and sat on, by Mr. Nowitzki. Relaxation at its finest.
Scoff at the thought of funneling stacks of cash into some chairs and pieces of wood with an NBA Finals logo all you like; I could still think of far worse ways to make use of your disposable income. Like purchasing a tiger. Or hiring a DJ to be at your beck and call 24/7. Or signing Brandon Jennings.
The list goes on.
When buying a section of Dallas' court, at least you're getting something tangible in return that isn't: A) potentially going to eat you in your sleep; B) probably going to leave you alone in silence after wrecking some decks; or C) most definitely going to abuse your rim and team's collective field-goal percentage.
Also, per Heritage Auctions (via The News), the company running the sale, part of the proceeds will go to the Dallas Mavericks Foundation. So you can spend easy knowing you're funding a good cause.
What exactly are you waiting for, then? Dallas' next championship? Don't be silly.
The time to spend green you don't have—or have already earmarked for a pet tiger—is now.
Who knows, assuming you siphon enough cash the Mavs' way, Mark Cuban may even allocate any additional revenue toward the contrivance of a new free-agent sales pitch for 2014.