Hollywood loves sports—it really does.
Movie producers and directors love sports so much that they try to fit basketball scenes and trips to the stadium into every film, regardless of whether the picture has anything to do with athletics.
From a business standpoint it makes sense—sports are popular, and the general public can relate to them.
That being said, sports in cinema have a nasty tendency to become unbelievable if taken too far bit, even in movies specifically about athletes. The following are some of the most ridiculous sports scenes ever seen in cinema, ranked from least to most outlandish.
They started off with an interesting idea (most of the time), but somewhere along the way signals were crossed, things got carried away and fifth graders started dunking from the free throw line.
The Blind Side is filled with worthwhile messages about the importance of family, caring for others and adopting random children.
Furthermore, aspiring offensive linemen can learn a lot from Michael Oher, who has mastered the art of pushing his opponents backward for 40 yards without causing them to trip, fall or otherwise provide resistance.
This is the block of the century.
Crowning Moment: Hillbilly father stands up, terrified.
A classic scene from a movie that taught me more about childhood than my own youth.
Building a giant rescue-vacuum with your friends to save an authentic Babe Ruth autographed ball is an admirable and ridiculous feat of ingenuity for a group of kids, and quite possibly the best way to ever spend a summer afternoon.
Warning: Video contains NSFW language.
Judging by this play, whoever filmed The Program did so with a tenuous grasp on the rules of the game of football.
You'll notice quarterback Joe Kane “lose control of the ball” around the 1:40 mark and peg the rock directly into the ground in front of him.
From here, Kane proceeds to run five feet past the line of scrimmage before getting his pass off. Victory, of course, is achieved—because champions don’t need rules.
Crowning Moment: Omar Epps’ dubbed in voice-over shouting “See ya! Closing time, baby!”
People remember the first time they saw this—the shudder down the spine, followed by the extremely conflicting emotions one wrestled with as Maverick and Goose took on Iceman and Slider in beach volleyball.
Muscles soaked in cubic feet of baby oil glinted in the sunset as the musical stylings of Kenny Loggins’ “Playing With the Boys” rocked along—and there you sat, dumbstruck and caught up in bromance.
It takes some tall boots to wade into this mire of mixed signals, so I’ll just leave it at this: Get your greasy hands off the net, bros.
The general feeling among sports fans watching this scene from The Dark Knight Rises for the first time was, “Wow. Guess I have to change my pants now.”
The second thought running through our heads was “Oh, God. Not the football players!”
While Bane was on the mic spitting his plans for nuclear tyranny, I was busy worrying about Hines Ward and thinking about the athletes who needlessly perished because one man just had to make an entrance.
That was a selfish act, Bane.
Crowning Moment: That awkward moment when you realize your blockers died in a sinkhole.
Women love getting destroyed in pickup games in the rain, right guys?
To be honest, I had never even heard of Dhoom 2 before today. Fortunately, nobody needs Roger Ebert’s taste in films to realize how hilariously weird this basketball scene seems in a movie about a motorcycle gang in Mumbai.
Funnier still was the director’s decision to say “Alright, we’re just going to let him destroy her in hoops. It won’t even be close.”
Crowning Moment: “Hey! Are you, like, checking me out?”
Warning: Video contains some NSFW language.
A defensive lineman getting knocked silly by a football to the helmet. A fat man hauling four players into the end zone. Gene Hackman in a straw hat.
There’s not much else one could ask for from this clip from The Replacements.
Crowning Moment: Fat man victory dance.
Oh, don’t mind this little scene from Catwoman where Halle Berry and Benjamin Bratt dry hump in front of a crowd of children at a basketball court.
That’s just strong defense, and what happens between a man, a woman and 20 fifth graders in a public area isn’t for us to judge.
Crowning Moment: The one or two seconds where you’re not suffering from motion sickness.
Warning: Video features some NSFW language.
If you haven’t seen Romeo Must Die, I’ll light a candle for you before I explain the plot.
Plot: Jet Li plays “Romeo” and he must die.
Romeo escapes from prison, busts some heads and ends up playing football with "Mo" and some guys he has previously punched in the face. All you need to know is that Jet Li has never played football, but catches on quickly.
He learns that whoever has the ball gets hit—and wouldn’t you know it, his zany interpretation of the rule leads to hilarity.
Crowning Moment: “Hey brother! American football!”
Hitting the referee in the chicken tenders one time is crazy, but twice? That’s just nuts!
Puns aside, The Longest Yard is a ridiculous movie in general, but this has to be one of the most outlandish moments.
Crowning Moment: Important lessons in protecting the pouch.
Have trampoline, will dunk.
Bow Wow will always be “Lil’” to me, and the fact that he was 5'0" in Like Mike didn’t stop him from playing professional basketball or slamming home dunks.
Crowning Moment: Carrying the ball while faking opponent in transition. It works every time.
Warning: Video features some NSFW language.
Roger Goodell would file the restraining order himself if someone in the NFL ever power-bombed another player during a game.
It’s for this reason we must give credit to Bobby Bouche for his mighty slam on Greg Meany in The Waterboy.
Crowning Moment: “You sound like a big choo-choo train.”
He’s short, fat and a prima donna with a shot that takes three seconds to execute on the ice.
What I’m trying to say is that Russ Tyler may be the most overwhelming offensive force to suit up for any team in any sport.
Crowning Moment: His opponents stopping short to watch him hit the puck.
“Come on, Flash. Take it.”
Flash can’t take it, just like the backboard can’t take the punishment it gets from that kid from The Social Network. I mean “Peter Parker.”
Nothing implausible about this scene—just 150 pounds of Spiderman tearing it up in skinny jeans. Aren't you glad they didn't go with Tobey Maguire for this one?
Crowning Moment: Look at the meat on those bones.
If a player can’t flip over it or shoulder-blast it into rubble, it’s not Starship football.
Zander and Rico are 30-year-old high schoolers, and before they ship off to the academy, they take each other on in a game of football that’s part Slamball, part no-flipping-way.
This is perhaps the height of science fiction.
Vampire baseball only plays during rain delays.
Here’s the premise of this scene: Vampires only play baseball during thunderstorms because their swings are too loud and will draw attention.
Also, it’s worth noting that vampires—while incredibly fast—have the fast-twitch reactions of an oscillating floor fan. Their pitcher is also getting destroyed, which isn’t surprising considering she has the mechanics of Carly Rae Jepsen.
Crowning Moment: Mother of God.
If Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon and Space Jam had a baby, it would look a lot like a Kung Fu Dunk.
The plot involves a boy from China who grows up to be a basketball star after spending his childhood in a kung fu orphanage. In other words, if someone is not doing a lot of martial arts and flying in the offseason, then he is behind the curve in this league.
Crowning Moment: "Oh no, they scored" face.
“A dog can’t play baseball!”
“Actually, there’s no rule in the book saying a dog can’t play baseball.”
Due to the whole "dog playing sports" premise, every other moment of time elapsed during the Air Bud series is rife with ridiculousness. That being said, enjoy this clip of Buddy on a dirty rug being pulled into home plate.
Crowning Moment: “SAAAFE.”
Somewhere in this world, there is one guy who absolutely loves this movie about a fast-pitching, flip-catching monkey more than anything else in the world.
I don't know if we should build him a statue or quarantine him as a precaution.
Crowning Moment: That weird moment when you realize Ed was written by the same guy who wrote The Sandlot.
Matilda is a film about a kangaroo that's really good at boxing.
That's the movie. All of it.
Crowning Moment: This was what Hollywood thought kangaroos looked like in the 1970s.
Why did no one tell me that the creators of Air Bud made a follow-up about a chimpanzee playing ice hockey?
I either didn’t know MVP existed until right now, or I’ve underestimated my ability to blot out childhood trauma and/or awful movies made for kids.
Crowning Moment: "Are we going to have monkey bars in here?"
They’re kids who are ninjas—obviously they’re going to destroy the bullies in two-on-two.
3 Ninjas isn’t so much a movie as it’s a series of amazing one-liners and children flying through the air—and that’s perfect.
Its been awhile since I’ve seen this movie, but looking back at this basketball scene, everything seems much more plausible. Rocky and Colt face off against the Gruesome Twosome, jump twelve feet into the air and dunk from the free throw line.
Crowning Moments: “Hey little horsey, how ‘bout some hay?” / Basketball in the face.
Follow me on Twitter for more ridiculousness.