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Most Ridiculous Things That Have Happened During 2013 NBA Offseason

Jesse DorseyFeatured ColumnistJuly 17, 2013

Most Ridiculous Things That Have Happened During 2013 NBA Offseason

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    Ever since the NBA Finals wrapped up, the league has been a strange place indeed.

    While the endless stream of player movement has been perplexing at times, it's the mentality of front offices, player decisions and the actions of a few that have made this offseason weirder than most.

    Whether it be Baron Davis spinning yarns, some shady free agency dealings or just the fact that the two teams stationed in New York seem to be in an endless one-upping war, the 2013 offseason will certainly be remembered.

    For some teams, they'll look back and remember a summer that changed their fortune for the better, while others will look at the summer of 2013 and realize just how much money they blew through in a short period of time.

    Basketball hasn't completely stopped, as the Summer League action bops on in Las Vegas and some professionals stop in for a pro-am game here and there. However, the action seems solely cemented within front offices for the time being.

    Taking a look back at the past month and recalling just what made the front pages will help everybody realize just how strange a few weeks it has been.

8. Shabazz Muhammad Thinks He's the Only Zero

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    It's really an inconsequential moment between being drafted and the start of his rookie year, but the first notable comments from Shabazz Muhammad were quite strange.

    Muhammad explained his reasoning behind picking a jersey number, and was obviously a bit ill-informed (per Nate Sandell of 1500ESPN.com).

    Muhammad originally requested jersey No. 15 with the Wolves, but when he found out Mickael Gelabale already owned the number, he opted for a more obscure explanation.

    "Nobody wears zero in the league, so I might as well wear zero," he explained.

    Sure, nobody else wears a "0" on their jersey in the NBA. Well, that's as long as you exclude Russell Westbrook, Rookie of the Year Damian Lillard, Jeff Teague, Andray Blatche, Shawn Marion, Michael Beasley, Avery Bradley, Enes Kanter, C.J. Miles, Bismack Biyombo, Aaron Brooks, Andrew Goudelock, Drew Gooden, and now Andre Drummond.

    It wouldn't be such a noticeable transgression if there were just a few players out there who donned the "0" on their backs, but it's actually one of the more popular numbers in the NBA.

    He should have just gone with "23" and called it a day.

7. Paul Pierce at the WSOP

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    Paul Pierce definitely seems like the type of guy who enjoys playing a game of poker, smoking a stogie and hanging out on a Saturday night with his buddies.

    If you factor in that he's a world-famous athlete with a couple bucks to spare, it's also not surprising that he would enter a World Series of Poker tournament.

    Apparently Pierce was pretty comfortable at the table, as he decided to play a few hands while sitting backward in his chair to get a massage.

    Well, it seems as if the massage relaxed him a little bit too much. He walked out of the Rio just four hours later, placing far enough outside of the top competitors to leave him down $10,000 for the weekend.

    Definitely give it another shot down the road, Pierce. Just do your best to stay alert for most of the tournament.

    ://deadspin.com/paul-pierce-gets-massage-busts-out-at-world-series-of-695041734

6. Andrei Kirilenko's Shady Pay Cut

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    Andrei Kirilenko started his summer by opting out of his $10.2 million option with the Minnesota Timberwolves.

    According to Jerry Zgoda of the Star-Tribune, Kirilenko was in search of a multi year deal with any team, which included the Timberwolves.

    Wouldn't you know it, instead of finding a long-term contract on the open market, Kirilenko signed with the Brooklyn Nets on a two-year deal worth $3.18 million per year.

    Needless to say, that was hardly expected of a guy who had just left an eight-figure deal with a developing team on the table.

    According to Yahoo! Sports' Adrian Wojnarowski, the contrac made other teams around the league suspicious, with accusations of side deals flying around like crazy.

    Plus, it doesn't help that both Kirilenko and Nets' owner Mikhail Prokhorov are Russian.

    The league has yet to rule on whether an investigation will take place, but suspicious executives have been requesting just that.

5. New York City Spends All the Money

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    While the biggest scandal of the summer has been a puny little $3.2 million deal with Andrei Kirilenko, the New York Knicks and Brooklyn Nets seem hell-bent on paying as much into the luxury tax as possible.

    Brooklyn started out the season by trading for Paul Pierce, Kevin Garnett, Jason Terry and D.J. White, while adding Shaun Livingston, AK47, and re-signing Andray Blatche.

    With that, Brooklyn is now in position to pay a combined $186 million in salary and luxury tax dues.

    Meanwhile, the Knicks couldn't just stand idly by while Brooklyn gobbled up the headlines.

    New York made waves by re-signing J.R. Smith for three years on a deal that will pay him nearly $18 million, while keeping Pablo Prigioni and trading for Adrea Bargnani.

    That puts New York at $68 million worth of salary for just four players, two of whom are Bargnani and Amar'e Stoudemire.

    Who needs salary cap flexibility when you've got crazy on your side?

4. Lamar Odom Goes Bonkers

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    Lamar Odom is apparently tired of dealing with the paparazzi.

    While the video doesn't show exactly what got him so riled up, his reaction was to destroy some property.

    This is easily the most bizarre video of a basketball player on a rampage you'll see all summer.

    Odom starts by chucking a bunch of photography equipment from the back of one guys' car into the middle of the street, followed by smashing another's car with a metal bar.

    As soon as he's done proving his point, a woman gets out of her car and asks for a picture with Odom. Despite the rampage, Odom obliges.

    According to TMZ, one of the photographers filed a police report, and Odom has yet to comment on the situation.

3. The Lottery

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    Mock drafts were mocked, "Top 10" lists were scrambled and front offices scoffed at the notion that anybody knew what was going on beforehand when it came to the 2013 NBA Draft.

    It all started off with the constantly mysterious Chris Grant selecting Anthony Bennett as the No. 1 overall pick for the Cleveland Cavaliers, something that was completely unexpected.

    The shock throughout the Barclays Center was palpable. 

    As the Orlando Magic and Washington Wizards settled on more "predictable" players, the Charlotte Bobcats decided to go with Cody Zeller over either of the injured big men remaining (Nerlens Noel and Alex Len).

    Noel plummeted to the No. 6 pick, before promptly being traded with a 2014 first-round pick to the Philadelphia 76ers for Jrue Holiday.

    In all, five lottery picks were traded and roughly 274 looks of exasperation were given off by Bill Simmons.

    Oh, and mixed in was the progressing realization that Kevin Garnett and Paul Pierce would be traded to the Brooklyn Nets.

    Next year's draft might have more star power, but it'll be difficult to make it as unpredictable as 2013.

2. Weird Coaching Decisions All Around

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    For starters, few of us realize just how ridiculous Jason Kidd's jump from playing with the New York Knicks to coaching the Brooklyn Nets really was.

    Kidd retired on June 4 and said he was interested in coaching or getting into the broadcast booth sometime in the near future. Nine days later the Nets had named him their new head coach.

    To offer up a comparison, Brian Shaw spent eight years as an assistant and another as a scout before finally landing a job with the Denver Nuggets this summer.

    Aside from Kidd, the Cleveland Cavaliers re-hired Mike Brown, whom they fired just three years earlier, the Detroit Pistons added technical foul magnet Rasheed Wallace as an assistant and the Boston Celtics pulled Brad Stevens out of nowhere.

    Boston could have made a stranger decision, however, as Antoine Walker threw his hat into the ring shortly after the Celtics traded Doc Rivers.

    The only thing stranger than the Celtics hiring Walker would be if former NBA player claimed to have been abducted by aliens.

1. Baron Davis' Alien Abduction

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    Baron Davis was on his way from Las Vegas to Los Angeles in early July. From there his tale of an encounter with beings from another world gets a bit wild (h/t to Daniel Beekman of the New York Daily News for the transcript.

    I’m a little tired and s--- and I see this light and I think it’s a big-a-- truck.

    Then next thing you know, dude, like, I was in this f------ steel thing. It was a scene straight out of “Space Jam."

    These f------ crazy-looking people who were half-human, half, like, f-----, ugly motherf------.

    They were poking me on my nose and they were, like, looking me in my eyes. They had my hands like, tied up and the next thing you know, I was f------ in Montebello, dude, burning rubber on the way back to L.A. It was like four o’clock in the morning.

    I come back and like, I’m sharper and s---. You know what I mean? I’m retaining information.

    There's not really much more to say. Davis was abducted by aliens; now he's got a sharper mind. 

    It's going to take a lot for any current or former NBA player to out-weird Davis on this one. 

    Perhaps if Kareem Abdul-Jabbar claims to have daily swims with mer-people, or if Fat Lever develops a cure for baldness, we can consider de-throning Davis. Until then, Davis is in a league of his own.

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