Naming The Florida Marlins' New Ballpark (Part Deux)

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Naming The Florida Marlins' New Ballpark (Part Deux)
(Photo by Rusty Jarrett/Getty Images for NASCAR)

Two days ago, I took a foray into the possible naming options for the Florida Marlins' new ballpark, to be opened in 2012 on the site of the former Orange Bowl.

The grounds, hallowed in the history of countless University of Miami football games, is now host to unmoved rubble, approximately 20 Miami-Dade government vehicles, and four flags representing the location of future bases and the parties involved in making the Marlins' stadium a reality.

After receiving feedback from equally excited Marlins' fans via Fishstripes.com, arguably the best location for Marlins' fans to discuss their passion, I believe I was pretty spot on with the options provided.  Nevertheless, other suggestions were made that are certainly possibilities; from their list, locally owned Ryder moving company, Publix, and Florida Power and Light, are all viable options.

Though these items deserve equal exploration as my six options two days ago, I will not do this, because you can read their suggestions over there and, who knows, perhaps find a new outlet for your fandom.  Instead, I wish to provide you now with the least probable options for naming the Marlins' ballpark.  Unlike the list of likely possibilities, this one will be more humorous, so enjoy:

5: AutoNation and Republic Services -

These two Fortune 1000 companies are babies of Wayne Huizenga, former Marlins and Dolphins Owner.  With the business school at Nova Southeastern named after him, and the Miami Dolphins out of his portfolio, it is unlikely Wayne desires to toot his own horn much more.

Moreover, it is unlikely the Marlins would be able to come to a pact with the stout businessman.  Huizenga would most likely demand a share of the parking revenue, concessions income, and Hanley Ramirez's first born child in order to show up at the table and keep the Marlins in debt.  In fact, it is likely the Marlins would have to pay him and agree to stay in the red for the deal to be signed.

4: Nike/Adidas/Starter/New Balance/Majestic -

For those unfamiliar with the frequency that the namesake of the Marlins' current digs has changed, I can count at least four times in their history, with a fifth on the horizon.  The second name that the stadium bore was Pro Player-sound familiar?  Probably not.

The companies website would have you believe that it is a top sporting apparel brand in the U.S., but fans familiar with the company know that they pulled out of their pact because of financial instability after fourteen year old company teetered on the brink of bankruptcy.

With all of the superstition in sports, it has to be shared amongst the clothing provides that outfit the players, right?  Players will wear the same undershirt, socks, or jock strap if they do well with it, but if they perform poorly, they switch it up.  Popular, successful, financially sound institutions like Nike, Adidas, and Majestic would like check the "not interested - wish to remain financially sound" box on their R.S.V.P. cards to the naming rights talks.

3: Adrienne Arsht -

The local philanthropist and avid supporter of UM athletics is quite proud of the weight her name bears in the local community.  Do not believe me?  Attend a Alumni tailgate for a 'Canes game at Dolphin Stadium and watch her schmooze the crowd like a well-trained politician.

If you would like a second reason, see Carnival Corporation, who was just pushed out of the naming rights for the Performing Arts Center, and thus boosting them up on list of likely sponsors, by Arsht.  The multi-millionare decided her name was not on enough signage and took over the whole complex at the end of CCL's contract.

Adrienne, despite having a good heart and soft spot for sports, would likely not share her cash flow with the Marlins, however.  Putting a baseball stadium where the O.B. once stood proud is a dagger to U.M. fan's souls (unless they are South Miami Marlins fan's also).  The construction of this stadium is the Doug Flutie to Phelan pass on the historical UM grounds, much like the city counsel vote was the Marlins own Miracle in Miami.

2: Manny Ramirez -

A resident of S.FLA., Manny was close to becoming a Marlin last year at the trading deadline, a move that would have likely pushed the Marlins into the playoffs.  Unfortunately for them, the Pirates had a last second change of heart and the Marlins have prospects worth holding on to.

Everyone knows that Manny has the money, and the ego, to name a stadium or field after himself, and Manny has a tendency to, well, be Manny?  With his new found time-off, however, he may find his fortune better spent on a season ticket plan for the remainder of this season.  The proximity to the suppliers of certain goods he enjoys may be enough to lure him in though.

1: Norman Braman's Auto Dealerships -

A South Florida dealership king, Braman is not satisfied with his place in the community.  If he is a king, he would like to be the dictator, if he is a dictator, he would like to be God.

Braman single-handedly fought a the Miami "Mega Plan" which included a port tunnel, public transportation system, road upgrades, and the new stadium.  Despite the positive impact all of these would have on the community, Braman insisted they needed the public needed to vote on it. 

He was obviously being a hero for the community in this case, not thinking about the impact on his wallet that easily accessible and cheap mass transit would have on his wallet.  Vehicles lasting longer because of easier driving surfaces and less abuse would certainly not hurt his business.

Braman also claims he has seen inside information into the team's finances and been asked to partner up with the owner before, only to reject the team.  Unless the Marlins were willing to name the stadium "Norman Braman Field at Braman is right, we are broke, you should have voted Stadium," this sponsorship deal is unlikely.

And the search goes on...

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