In what comes as a shock to absolutely no one, Brett Favre announced today that he will attempt to play for all 32 NFL teams during the upcoming 2009 football season. His only stipulation so far is that he must be named the starter for any and all clubs he would play for. Favre, who hates the media and is more emotional than a teenage girl that just saw The Notebook, held a press conference via cell phone text message earlier this afternoon.
Minutes into his press conference, the former Packer legend was insulted when Ed Werder from ESPN sent him a text that read:
"How u going 2 start 4 32 teams in 16 games, math doesn't add up?!?"
Favre annoyingly answered Werder's question by pointing out that if he plays one half of football each week for a different team, then his goal would be highly attainable. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell then immediately sent out a mass text to the media elaborating on what was surely going to be the next question:
"Can a player be legally traded at halftime of a game?"
According to Goodell, the answer is yes. However, Goodell did note that if the answer actually isn't yes, then he would make it yes 'as soon as humanly possible.'
John Clayton, who was reporting from a trash can on Favre's driveway, sent in this text:
"2 questions, rumors say you were going 2 Vikings and do u think a 7-year-old girl could take me in a fist fight?"
Favre answered that one with, "Yes, the Vikings were an option, but then I thought, 'We all know that I'm not retiring until I play for all 32 teams except for the Lions, so why not just get it all over with in one season.' So that's what I'm going to do and to answer your second question, if the young girl was crippled, blindfolded or sleeping, you might have a chance."
Twelve minutes into the interview, the press conference abruptly ended when Favre changed his mind and decided he didn't want to have a press conference anymore. Seconds after the press conference concluded, Favre reportedly killed his cat because he decided he likes dogs better.