How to Fix the Yankees

DachsContributor IMay 7, 2009

NEW YORK - MAY 05:  Ramiro Pena #19 and Robinson Cano #24 of the New York Yankees looks on against the Boston Red Sox on May 5, 2009 at Yankee Stadium in the Bronx borough of New York City.  (Photo by Jim McIsaac/Getty Images)

Step 1: Fire Joe Girardi. He's a horrible manager who thinks he's smarter than everyone else. We never should have hired him in the first place. I don't want Bobby Valentine but I'd be fine with Tony Pena or giving the job to Don Mattingly like we originally should have.

Step 2: Get rid of Hideki Matsui. He sucks. He has sucked for the last few years. His numbers get inflated by two hot streaks that last for a combined three to four weeks. And the fact that he's a pretty significant reason we don't have Manny DHing doesn't help his case.

Step 3: Move back to Yankee Stadium. The new place is a soulless heartless tourist attraction that depresses me more and more each time I walk in. Not one Yankee fan on the face of the Earth would rather be in the "stadium" than in The Stadium.

If this plan is implemented right away, we'll be in first place by the end of the month. Guaran-Dachs-teed.