6 Ways You Know You're a Miami Dolphins Fan
In this modern landscape of bandwagon-jumpers and flip-floppers, how can you really tell if you're a dedicated fan? More specifically, how do you know if you're really as hardcore of a Miami Dolphins fan as you tell everyone?
Well, if you're the guy pictured above, you are plenty hardcore. Trust me. If you're not that guy, try to be more like him.
But if face paint (or entire head paint in this instance) isn't really your thing, don't worry. There are plenty of telling factors that will let everyone know you're a Dolphins fan until the day you die.
Here are six ways you know you're a true Miami Dolphins fan.
1972 Is More Than Just a Year to You—It's a Monument to Perfection
Let's start off with the most important part of Dolphins' history: the undefeated 1972 season.
Seriously, if you can make it through the above video without getting at least a little choked up from pure joy, then you're a better man/woman than me.
The 1972 season is more than just your trump card for why the Dolphins have the single most important achievement in NFL history (excuse me, Pittsburgh and Dallas, but I don't care how many Super Bowls you've won—try winning every game, with your backup quarterback, then we'll talk).
The 1972 season is a monument to perfection. It is what every team aspires to. The spoken goal of every team's season is to win the Super Bowl, to be the best.
Well, it doesn't get any better than never losing.
The only other team to nearly match Miami's record was—shudder—the New England Patriots. Could you imagine how sickening that would have been?
Of course you can, because you're a diehard Dolphins fan. Good job, you've passed the first test.
Feel free to pop open that champagne bottle, just like the '72 Dolphins do every year when the final unbeaten team falters.
This Song Is Basically a Church Hymn
In most stadiums, when the home team achieves some sort of celebratory achievement, your ears are bombarded with whatever stupid dance mix or indecipherable rap song is hot at the moment.
For a while, at Sun Life Stadium, the Dolphins' accomplishments were met with this rustic beauty blasting through the giant speakers.
With uncomplicated lyrics and a fun folk/marching band rhythm, the Miami Dolphins' fight song is a testament to a simpler era. Now, I'm not one to wax poetically about "the good ol' days" or anything like that, but boy do I ever wish this song was more prevalent today.
If I had it my way, this song would play every time the Dolphins did anything even remotely positive.
"Tannehill to Wallace for 13 yards, that's good for a Miami Dolphins' first down!" Miami has the Dolphins, the greatest football team...
"Miller off the left tackle, skips across the goal line for a Dolphins' touchdown!" Miami has the Dolphins, the greatest football team...
"The Dolphins have successfully navigated the locker room and have made it to the field!" Miami has the Dolphins, the greatest football team...
If you want to find out how to ruin perfection, just click this link. On second thought, avoid that link like the plague.
You Think the New York Jets Are Everything That's Wrong with the World
Did you know the Jets refer to themselves as Gang Green? It's oddly fitting, considering their performance over the past few years has been akin to a human body affected with gangrene.
Which is to say, rotting, unhealthy and just generally gross.
I don't mean to pick on the Jets that much (okay, you caught me in a fib), but that's just what you do as a diehard Dolphins fan.
They are the quite possibly the worst thing in the world. Alright, there are plenty of actual issues out there that are far, far worse than a bunch of guys who play football. Social inequality, terrorism, crooked politicians, the growing influence of corporations and plenty more.
But as far as football teams go, the Jets are just the worst. Their pompous attitude, their bloated presence in the media, their bombastic head coach and those awful green uniforms are everything Dolphins fans can't stand.
And while no one, not even diehard fans on either side, can deny that these two consistently produce great football games, there's a reason this is one of the league's most heated rivalries.
Simply put, if you're a diehard Dolphins fan, you can't stand the very sight of Gang Green.
Guys, Can We Shut Up About This Tom Brady Dude Already?
As a huge fan of the NFL in general, I love Tom Brady. He's a fierce competitor, an icon of the game and simply one of the best human beings to ever throw a football at the professional level.
As a huge fan of the Miami Dolphins, I wish Tom Brady would go away forever. He's a sore loser, an overwrought celebrity and simply one of the best human beings to ever throw a football at the professional level.
It's really that last bit that makes him public enemy number one for Miami fans. He's annoying because he is so damn good. And he's used that skill to utterly dominate the Dolphins in his storied career.
Brady is 15-6 all-time versus Miami. He's won the last six times he's faced the Dolphins. It's been nearly four years since the last time Brady suffered defeat at the hands of the aqua and orange.
If the Dolphins are Batman, Brady is the Joker. If the Dolphins are Spider-Man, he's the Green Goblin. If the Dolphins are Captain Planet, he's...I don't know, pollution or something.
Point is, you're a diehard Dolphins fan, so you can't stand Tom Brady. But know this: His time is coming to an end. Don't underestimate him just yet, but stay vigil, for the dawn is approaching.
And the dawn's name is Ryan Tannehill.
Dan Marino Is a Legend
Let's get this out of the way: It is not our place to judge Dan Marino for the recent situation he found himself in. I'm not just saying that as a Dolphins fan. But Marino did what he did, and as fellow writer Thomas Galicia said recently, it's between him and his family.
Now that we've covered that, here's what is really important: Marino is the single greatest player in Miami Dolphins history. There's no contest, no questions and no argument to be had. No other player defined the franchise the way Marino did.
He set records that stood for years, records that were only eclipsed when the nature of the league changed into a pass-first aerial assault. He was gutsy, fiery and a true gunslinger. He was almost impossible to dislike.
Heck, he was so popular, he was even kidnapped in a movie. Laces out, Dan!
If you still need further proof of Marino's legacy, just look at the Dolphins' franchise since he retired after the 1999 season. Miami went through 16 starting quarterbacks before finding hope in Ryan Tannehill in the 2012 draft.
Even with the amount of excitement surrounding Tannehill's future in Miami, few Dolphins fans would dare call him the next Marino. Not just because they don't want to overestimate Tannehill, but because Marino's legendary status in Miami sports lore is nigh untouchable.
You're Still a Fan to This Day, Despite the Tough Times
Okay, I usually try to stay as far away from these "Things X People Say" videos as possible because they're mostly derivative and stupid, but this one is pretty spot on.
Most of what this guy says are actual things one could expect to hear spill out the mouth of a Dolphins fan. In fact, I'm sure most of us have said all of these things at one point or another.
And yet, we're still here. You're still here. Throughout all the mediocre, bad and really bad years (1-15, anyone?), you still put on the aqua and orange every fall.
You still come to Bleacher Report and scour the Miami Dolphins page. You still clamor for every bit of news related to the team. You still put everything else on hold when the Dolphins are playing.
For the diehard fans, supporting the Dolphins isn't just a casual thing to do on the weekends for a few months. It's a calling, it's an obsession; it's a way of life.
Your friends and family know you for your undying allegiance. Those who support other teams will mock you when the Dolphins do poorly. But you don't care. You'll fight back, because that's what you do.
That's why you're still here, after all these years, gearing up for 2013 with proclamations that this is our time. This is our year.
Through logo changes, uniform tweaks and roster shifts, you'll still be there. Because you're a diehard Miami Dolphins fan.
You don't need a silly list to tell you that.