We are going to need one plate, a pile of napkins, beer and some privacy, please.
The San Antonio Spurs suffered a loss in Game 4 of the NBA Finals that no doubt had many fans going to bed feeling blue. Well, some of them also went to bed with heartburn from this massive pizza, seen over on Imgur.
This pizza was requested by ESPN out of Austin they were there filming this pizza this afternoon. We don't offer this pizza for sale, it actually was given to all employees as well as people dining in to eat on site.
I am something of an expert when it comes to overeating pizza. First off, don't dab the grease off with a napkin, because only horrible people dab away the moist character delivered on each and every slice.
Second, eat the obvious and most logical slice in line. Don't go hunting for that perfect piece by ripping the entire pizza to shreds. What are you, an animal?
As long as we are talking pizza-eating etiquette, let me say that even my sizable self understands that, like Noah, you conquer the problem two at a time. Don't come back with three slices lest you get a dirty look from everyone at the party.
Now, as for this monstrosity with the goofiest—albeit tastiest—looking coyote ever, it seems to be a pepperoni, ham, olive and green pepper pizza blown up to a size that makes me happy.
I bet some fans walked away with the symptoms of a gigantic gut bomb. Unfortunately, the Spurs simply played like they had those symptoms in a 109-93 loss to Miami Heat on Thursday night.
Hit me up on Twitter for more delicious wisdom: Follow @gabezal