Mark Cuban can only stand being on the sidelines in one situation—when his team is playing on the floor.
The owner of the Dallas Mavericks is hands-on-everything when it comes to his life—his show, his investments and his basketball team. So what does the Cube want his hands on now?
If you said “another Larry O’Brien trophy to hold as he micturates,” you win all the kettle corn.
Watching the in-state rival Spurs take his team’s place against the Heat in the NBA Finals is grinding Cuban’s teeth, and I can only imagine the man was virtually salivating on the keyboard when he tweeted out an image of himself on Tuesday whizzing merrily with the championship trophy his Mavs won at the 2011 NBA Finals.
The picture signifies a joyous time for Cuban, and for our nation as a whole. Dallas had knocked off the mighty Miami Monstars, good had triumphed over evil and the most entertaining owner in professional sports was jet-setting across the country doing strange things with the trophy he had always wanted, just because he could.
What Cuban is trying to say with his recent tweet is that he wants to get his team back to excellence—or he just really enjoyed that bathroom’s amenities. They probably had a man named James in there who’s trained to hand out soft mints and laugh at your jokes. James is the best.
The more likely interpretation, however, is that after barely making it to .500 this year, he wants Dallas back in the Finals—and more importantly, he wants back in bed with Larry.
There was also that fun airplane ride they took, where Cuban had a cigar in his mouth. It was for the look, he didn’t light it.
Godspeed, Mark. Sally forth to victory next year on a stallion made of Dirk Nowitzki and finely rolled tobacco. James is waiting.