The 25 Craziest Hairstyles of the World Football Season
Throughout the annals of outrageous world football hairstyles, there are some staple names: Taribo West, Jason Lee and of course, the man who is to bizarre football Barnets what Luke Skywalker is to the Star Wars franchise, David Beckham.
But we don’t have to open the history books that far to find some mad-as-a-bag-of-cats haircuts. The last football season was full of them.
So get out your razor and shave a big line down the middle of your head or dye your fringe blood red or dreadlock just the hair around your ears, because we have the craziest hairstyles of the 2012-13 season.
25. Andy Carroll
When Andy Carroll is referred to as a "Liverpool flop," that isn't the name of his hairstyle. Although it should be.
Carroll's hair is crazy because he must be the only 24-year-old in the world who has a ponytail, and the texture of it looks like it's been coated in petrol.
You wouldn't want a naked flame or your naked skin near his hair.
24. David Luiz
Wild, erratic, unpredictable, out-of-control and, at times, comical.
But that's enough about David Luiz’s defending, let's talk about his hair...
23. Kyle Beckerman
US International Kyle Beckerman plays for Real Salt Lake, but his hair looks like it's been marinading in a real salty swamp.
Maybe Beckerman's hair isn't as crazy as it is diseased-looking. Even from the above picture you can smell it.
22. Djibirl Cisse
QPR's Djibril Cisse is unique in that he could be in this list every season with a slightly different style.
His most bizarre barnet this season was this from December, where he dyed most of his mohican blue and made it look like a slither of icing on an blue iced bun.
21. Stephan El Shaarawy
You have to feel for Italy and AC Milan's Stephan El Shaarawy whenever he is walking under a low bridge, because his hair so tall he must worry if he'll be able to make it under without scraping the top of it off.
We have nothing against mohawks, but it's just so tall. Really tall.
Bike helmet shopping must be hell for El Shaarawy.
20. Mario Balotelli
"Mario Balotelli? In an article about odd behavior from footballers?" you exclaim, spitting your tea everywhere.
You better believe it.
Before he moved to fashion capital Milan, where hair like this is punishable by life imprisonment, Mario had a go at dying his hair Cadbury's Crunchie center orange.
It didn't really work.
19. Raul Meireles
We're not going to make fun of Fenerbache and Portugal's Raul Meireles's hair, because it is inspiration for the leader of a gang of cyber-punks from the streets of Nuclear war-torn Vienna in the terrible science fiction movie we're writing. Working title: World War v 3.0
Coming to cinema's soon.*
18. Marouane Chamakh
When Marouane Chamakh's miserable time in English football is done, he won't be remembered as "that great footballer" he'll be remembered as "that guy with all the mullets."
Despite it being the 2012/13 season and not 1983/84, Chamakh still refuses to let go of his mullet in hope it will one day come back in fashion, even if Billy Ray Cyrus gave up years ago.
17. Ahmed Mousa
At first glance, Nigeria and CSKA Moscow's Ahmed Mousa's new hairdo for the African Cup Of Nations (which is always great viewing for fans of crazy haircuts) looks like he's recreated Michael Jackson's infamous Pepsi commercial and set his hair on fire.
Which, when your hair is causing people to grab for the fire extinguishers, isn't a great look.
16. Bacary Sagna
Arsenal and France's Bacary Sagna's hair has become a staple for odd football styles.
He's had the look for a while now, but that doesn't stop it from looking like he's had wasps braided into his hair.
15. Rodrigo Palacio
Argentina and Inter Milan's Rodrigo Palacio's hair is particularly fun because it's an optical illusion. It tricks you.
You look at him front on and it's all, "Oh, just a normal guy with some hair. Nothing to see here."
Then he turns to the side and all bets are off.
14. Robert Kidiaba
Do you remember the Mortal Kombat games and movies?
Of course you do!
Who was your favorite character?
I think it's safe to say that DR Congo and TP Mazembe goalkeeper Roberto Muteba Kidiaba's favorite character was Goro.
However, we think DR Congo would have stood a better chance of actually qualifying for the 2012 African Cup Of Nations if Kidiaba had four arms.
13. Nathan Rutjes
Nathan Rutjes, from MVV Maastricht of the Dutch Eerste Divise, isn't a man who deals well with tough decisions.
When posed with dilemma of "mullet or mohawk," he didn't want to make the wrong choice so he picked both.
He still made the wrong choice.
12. Brek Shea
For any MLS star hoping to get noticed and earn yourself to the Premier League, take a leaf out of Break Shea's (barber's) book and get yourself a haircut that looks like an albino weasel has died on your head and you can't shaken off.
It helped him move from FC Dallas to Stoke City, but we're not sure how he got his hair through customs.
When a player of Neymar's ability is as well known for his hairstyles as he his for his skills, he must have had hair as mad as Justin Bieber's will be by the time he's 30.
Neymar has, however, toned his hairstyles down this season, compared to what they have looked like in the past. With the bleach being less frequently used and the mohawk fins now rarely so large, you worry how his neck can take the strain.
You do still see him with what feels like a different hairstyle every game, and he has even drawn criticism from Pele, who claimed he cares more about his hair than football.
However this blonde beard and mohawk combo from December does still have flashes of the Neymar of old.
10. Asamoah Gyan
We're big believers in football shirt number traditions.
Strikers should be nine or 10. We will accept seven, eight or 11, but it's not encouraged.
Defenders should be five or six (if central) or two or three (if full backs). Again, for is acceptable.
Strikers should not wear the number three. It's perverse and it's sick.
Asamoah Gyan flaunts all that is good with the world by wearing the number 3 and, to further rub it in our faces, he had his shirt number dyed into the side of his hair for this year's African Cup Of Nations.
He's not just let us down, he's let himself down, and he's let football down.
9. All of Limerick FC
According to The Score, the entire, League Of Ireland side, Limerick FC dyed or shaved their hair in a match against Bray in April to raise money for Make-A-Wish Foundation.
The act is admirable and shouldn't be mocked.
But that doesn't stop you from sitting in awe at some of the crazy hairstyles that came out of it.
8. Marek Hamsik
You know when you're bored and you have a newspaper or magazine in front of you, and you draw mustaches on people, black out some teeth or do silly hairstyles on bald people?
Someone did the latter to a picture of Marek Hamsik once and he saw it.
He liked it.
7. Javier Pinola
Nuremberg's Argentine defender Javier Pinola has what is called a "recullet."
A 'recullet' (pronounced ress-ullit) is the mixture of receding and mullet. It can be best described as "80s," as in the 1980s, at the back, "80s," as in he is between 80-years-old and 89-years-old, at the top.
It is the ultimate hairstyle of choice for the 21st century man who doesn't want to let go of his hair and for the hair that can't wait to get away.
6. Mustafa Amini
We know this isn't an original comparison, but Australia and Borussia Dortmund's Mustafa Amini is a footballer who has a haircut like Ronald McDonald.
Or Ronaldo McDonald, if you will.
Of course you will.
5. Marouane Fellaini
For the entire article we've been making jokes about the hairstyles of footballers.
However we won't make fun of Everton and Belgium's Marouane Fellaini, who last month dyed his hair silver to thank Everton fans and raise money for charity. Even though his hair looks like a shrub that grows metal springs.
Or that he looks like Leo Sayer's dad.
Instead we'll quote the most contrived, tortured and labored joke in print journalism history, from the accompanying Daily Mirror article for this story and picture.
"With David Moyes succeeding Sir Alex Ferguson at Manchester United, it was only a matter of time before an Everton player got the hairdryer treatment!"
That doesn't even make sense. Whoever wrote that needs to have a look at themselves in the Mirror.
That's how you torture a joke.
4. Jonathan Pearce
No, Eminem hasn't let himself go.
Match Of The Day's Jonathan Pearce (as a football commentator his hair is technically in world football. It still counts, you can't sue us) dyed his hair blonde in May after he bet that he would dye his hair "Robbie Savage blonde" if Queens Park Rangers were to get relegated.
Will the real not-so-Slim Shady please stand up.
3. Vagner Love
CSKA Moscow's Vagner Love has blue dreadlocks.
Gervinho's hairstyle isn't just crazy, it's delusional how a man can have such long dreadlocks when you have a hairline that's retreating faster than Napoleon's army from Moscow.
And with the shape of his head, he looks like a squid being hung upside down.
1. Wayne Rooney
Wayne Rooney had hair transplanted into his head.
Hair transplanted into his head.
It doesn't get crazier than that.
What have been the craziest hairdos (or hairdon'ts) for you in the season just gone? Let us know below.
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