If you needed a reason to continue breathing on this earth, you’re in luck: Brian Scalabrine has his own video game cover now—kind of.
“Sublime” is the only word I can find to describe the cover, which shows the White Mamba standing in a swirling thunderstorm of green lightning and Flubber sauce.
Now, before you go out and pre-order the game, I’m legally compelled to inform you that this isn’t the real cover. The real cover of NBA 2K14 was announced earlier this June and is slated to feature—you may need to sit down for this—LeBron James.
Why 2K Sports decided to go with the best player in the NBA over a recently retired human victory cigar is a mystery. Why go with the king of the court when you can have the apex of humanity as the face of your product?
It’s time to get with it, people. The Madden franchise is going with Barry Sanders on its cover—why can’t we feature the Scalamander on the cover of an NBA game? He was part of the best Big Three of all time:
In all seriousness, we'll never see a Scalabrine alternate cover for NBA 2K, but does that mean we shouldn't? People are used to the best athletes always getting the face time, and no one blinks an eye when a guy like James ends up as the face of a video game.
Alas, in the meantime, everyone’s favorite glue guy will continue to toil on in glorious retirement, which appears to be going well:
We miss you, Scal.