Save for Juan Perez's throwing arm and Hunter Pence's clutch defense, opportunities to cheer the San Francisco Giants in recent weeks have been sparse.
Long power outages, baserunning blunders, two players injured while sliding and three others injured by the baseball itself. Remember when Angel Pagan brought the house down with a walk-off inside-the-park home run? Well, that may well be his final play of the season after hamstring surgery.
Even the magic is accompanied by the tragic.
The atrocious Marlins invaded AT&T Park and departed victorious in three of four. The last-place Dodgers have beaten S.F. twice in a row. San Francisco's record stood at 23-15 on Mother's Day; that record has dipped to 38-39. Fourth place—ahead of only those Dodgers.
Initially, I planned to use this space to share my own thoughts on San Francisco's descent—believe me, I've got plenty.
Then the realization hit: In this time of difficulty, my critical voice would be but one of many—so instead, I'm offering an alternative. One that I hope will serve as a pick-me-up and, if only temporarily, take Giants fans' minds off this (fingers crossed) fleeting period of depressing mediocrity.
All season long I've kept a log of the best exchanges from the Giants' award-winning broadcasting team—in addition to being insightful and extraordinarily observant, this group doesn't lack for humor. (The crew really lets loose on the daily Postgame Wrap, but I've only included material from television game broadcasts in this article.)
"...or curveballs?"—Duane Kuiper, watching Dodgers rookie Hyun-Jin Ryu flail haplessly at a Madison Bumgarner curveball seconds after Mike Krukow wondered aloud, "Do they have the DH in the Korean League?"
Krukow: "You (Durant and Collison) don't see that type of athleticism in basketball, do you?"
(Later in the same discussion)
Krukow: "It takes us (he and Kuiper) two lights to get across the same street."
(Krukow revisits his infamous 1980 brush with 6'6" Padre Dave Winfield.)
"He (Winfield) had told me at the team bus if he got hit again, he was going to come get me. And he did. Lucky for me our catcher intercepted him...I was in no hurry to get in a wrestling match with Dave Winfield."
(Krukow and Kuiper discuss pitcher Ryan Vogelsong's pregame ritual.)
Krukow: "Vogelsong eats chicken enchiladas before every start. And they don't have to be good ones."
Kuiper: "(Even) out of the can."
(Krukow and Kuiper observe pitcher Chad Gaudin, a lifetime .024 hitter at the time, as he bats.)
Kuiper: "Chad Gaudin...no hittin' gloves."
Krukow: "When you're 1-for-41 (lifetime), they won't sell 'em to you."
(Buster Posey, hit up high by a pitch in his first at-bat, digs in for his second at-bat against Toronto's Ramon Ortiz.)
Krukow: "This at-bat could be interesting."
(Posey then lunges badly at an 0-2 pitch and grounds out weakly.)
Krukow: "That was not that interesting."
(Kuiper is very deliberate in pronouncing the name of Nats starter Zach Duke.)
Kuiper: "If you're wondering why I'm saying (Duke's) name so slowly, he's got one of those names if you say it too fast, it might come out Zuke Dach."
(As he has done so often in 2013, outfielder Hunter Pence accidentally flings a bat into the seats, which is safely caught by a fan)
Krukow: "I would want (the bat) back. Then I'd give (the fan) one of Joaquin Arias' bats."
(The CSN cameras catch a fan with a misspelled sign supporting the Giants broadcasting tandem)
Kuiper (resignedly): "We are Krukow and Kuper."
(A's outfielder Yoenis Cespedes does a hard, head-over-heels tumble in an unsuccessful pursuit of a Brandon Crawford bloop.)
Jon Miller: "The only time I saw something like that on a baseball diamond was Ozzie Smith on Opening Day."
Krukow (quoting Pagan for the Geico Quote of the Game): "(The Toronto Blue Jays) out-hit us, they out-pitched us, they out-fielded us."
Kuiper: "They out-broadcasted us, everything."
Let this be the first and last time I write about anything to distract from a losing stretch this season. And next. Go, Giants!