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Clean Up on Aisle "Common Sense"

Paul McGuillicuddyAnalyst IApril 7, 2008
The world of sports can provide a bountiful feast of unintentional humor. To not discuss some of these examples would just be an opportunity lost.

For instance those folks who oversee the everyday comings and goings of Fenway Park – don’t you think it would be prudent that if a bird of prey, such as a hawk, nested nearby your cathedral you would take the necessary measures to insure the safety of all involved? Here’s hoping something has been done before tomorrow’s opening day.

Of course that’s not half as bad as the story of John Bunjaporte and Keith O’Rourke. These two must really love bunting because last week they traded a foiled attempt to heist some of the red, white, and blue for their season tickets. On opening day Bunjaporte and O’Rourke attempted to abscond some bunting from Yankee Stadium. They lost their season tickets and face criminal charges.

Can’t overlook Matt Leinart – hey Matt! I see you got it working – that babes in da tub action – looks sweet. You might want to have a little foresight. God forbid if you ever reproduce, but your chillun are gonna have some serious blackmail material on you. And to think I was worried about what my friends wrote in my yearbook.

Then there’s Pedro – Pedro, Pedro, Pedro. Haven’t you learned by now – ya gotta stretch before games. Ya need to get limber. I could maybe send you a Richard Simmons’s video, but I think you get the picture.

While on the topic of pitchers and injuries: Mike Hampton – why any club gives him a contract for more than two months is beyond me. Hire him on a temporary basis – they do it with factory jobs.

Almost forgot to mention Joel Zumaya – one would hope he no longer owns Guitar Hero.

At least these guys can keep their noses clean unlike Cincinnati Bengals’ receiver, Chris Henry. Why doesn’t this guy get it? How many of us would love to get paid for what he is doing? Yet he can’t manage to stay out of the legal system.

How about Armon Bassett and JaMarcus Ellis who decided a meeting with interim head coach, Dan Dakich, was not important enough to them. After infractions earlier this year these two starters were dismissed from the Indiana basketball team. Hey guys – that was a scholarship to Indiana that you just lost. What are you gonna do now? You do know that coaches talk – right?

Andy Roddick got himself back in the game by beating Roger Federer. Then he proceeded to go through the antics – you know like signing his autograph on the camera lens and stuff. Andy – get a hold of yourself. Can you prove that you learned something from Federer: the ability to win gracefully.

Isiah Thomas – do I need to do anything more than mention his name?

Let the silliness continue.

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